It is hard to believe that I was once that small. That time seems so long ago. I remember as a kid I could not wait to be an adult to be able to stay up past 10 and go out with friends and drive. I remember when me and my friends promised to  remain friends forever. Now that I am actually an adult and I look back I find it funny how we interpreted what being an adult was going to be like. Sleep is now rare but cherished and going out is great only there are not a lot of things you can do in Riverside. As for the friends I only talk to two from my elementary days the two that have been there since my beginning days. One is in the military so I rarely talk to him and the other? Well we are going to different colleges.

     I find it funny, that with every birthday (for me at least)I looked at it as  just one more year has passed and just a day to get presents. The day before my birthday or should I say hours before my birthday my cousin looked up at me and with the cutest voice “juwiyan my mommy says you are going to be an adult at 12:00. Are you going to look different and act different? Are you going to change?” In my response I told him that I am just a year older and nothings going to change. But with each passing day from my 18^th birthday I find myself changing more and more.

    I remember in my middle school and early high school years I laughed at those who spent 50 dollars on a shirt and etc… but now I do not settle for anything less. I am not afraid to throw on a blazer with jeans and a t-shirt, and if I do not feel like sneakers I wear dress shoes. I took down a lot of things that were up in my room and replaced them with paintings, photo graphs, etc… But its not just materialistic things that are different.

    I am now obsessed with keeping my room clean and organized where as before I would just leave it as it is. I have grown tired of all the childish things I use to do and I leave them all behind. I find myself often getting frustrated and angry at certain people, I guess it is because I am ready to leave the childish stuff behind while they are ot. I am also getting less and less tolerant of others ignorance and immaturity, was not name calling and belittling people a high school thing? Grow up.

     As for life, I am focused on my future. I know exactly what I want to do, what I want to become, and how I am going to get there. In a way I guess I have become bored of how my life is going. It is too routine which is making me more eager for college to start. I love my family but I hate staying in my house. There are so many things out there that I feel as if I am missing out on. I want to go out to try new things, meet new people, and to be challenged. My only regret in life so far is that I met so many new people and made so many new friends towards the end of high school and I know that I will not keep in touch with a lot of them.

     Spiritually I am still on my quest to become fulfilled. I have found god and I recognize Jesus Christ as my savior. I realize that I am a sinner. I do not understand what the whole Catholics versus Christians is about. They need to stop concentrating on the little differences and appreciate the similarities. We are supposed to be worshipping god not worrying about how other people are worshipping him.

      It sucks that towards the end of high school I developed the skills I could have used to make my days there a lot easier. I am now 100% confident in myself and if I don’t seem like it , it is because I can not put all of myself out there I am now able to speak in front of large groups of people with confidence whether I know them or not it doesn’t matter.. I can now talk to the opposite sex with no problem no matter how physically attractive they are. I now realized a lot of things that guys fail to notice through out their whole lives and that is when it comes to girls you cant seem to needy, obsessive, and space is good every once in a while. As for doing something special for that special someone, it should not be done so often or else it really isn’t that special.

     Well that is all I can say for now. For those of you who read all of this I hope you enjoyed it. Its my life so it might not seem significant but to me it was an epiphany writing this. It has helped me see where I have come and what I have become. For those of you that know me and see me, come over and say hi and get to know the new me, no the real me. It is time to start over since the new part of my life is just beginning.

you know those ad's that they have at the top or on the side of your screen, that say "shoot the ipod/poporatzzi/duck/or whatever" and you can win something? what happens if you miss? won't you end up on the same darn page? scamers.

whats up w/ biracial kids? i hear its the new "in-thing." but thats prolly just cuz people have been doing this for so long, there is no one that is 100% anything anymore...psh psh. pathetic.

i was thinking one day, since im a biracial kid, if i married another person who was biracial, and we had kids. would they be washed out looking? would they have any distinct traits? would they looked f-d up?

lol, one time i was eating out and i saw this white guy w/ a chinese chick....and they had three lil boys. they looked chinese, but w/ blonde hair, and w/ bowl-haircuts. i thought it was interesting.   i also wonder if its true when people say: 2 ugly parents make a pretty kid 2 pretty parents make an ugly kid. cuz....what, the set of ugly parents are so ugly, they have no where else to go, but have good-looking offspring? and vice-versa for the good looking ppl?