everyone REALLY think about this one...

we are all starving/binging&purging ourselves to get to that skinnyness point, right? to...

get to that place where we are "so skinny and...happy!"

BUT.. once WE get there are WE really happy/satisfied? Do you know a person with an E.D that actually achieves it? are they happy and satisfied and fianlly made it? if so, they only want more the next day.

have once you came across a website where the girl is like "Yes! i feel soo great my life is set im finally 90 lbs! perfect! love it all!"...if so, please let me know cause i sure aint.

and what happens usually?

 you get sent away to get help.

 cause you cant see it && everyone eles can. THAT YOUR A MESS. AND YOUR LIFE IS GONE AND YOU ARE NOT EVEN THE PERSON YOU WERE A COUPLE YEARS AGO?

think back to age 7, or 8. happy times. careless about the stupid food thing, you ate what you wanted and continued to live a life of happiness over sillythings like toys or to grammas house.

no, i dont think so... it never ends, you will drive your mind crazy and only YOU will end. and once again the E.D. wins, not yall.

so how bout we win an get on with OUR lives..

i am in no way trying to point fingers or be a hypocryte because im the same way, i just take a step back and see these things.

hey girls/boys. i havent posted in about 2 months..PLEASE EVERYONE READ THIS. ITS STRAIGHT OUT OF MY HEART.

ive been sooo fucked up with this ED stuff. im tellin you it never ends untill you suck it the fuck up and get help. i have told myself so many time "this is the last time im binging/purging." cause i know its so so bad for me. i have ignored so many signs that are telling me im going to die. blood, weakness, getting caught, heartpains, no period for like 7 months(wont have kids later on in life) severe anxiety, etc.

here are a couple of things that ive done. just to do my ED, that have made me realize it has just gotten rediculous. and same with you ...all yours will get the same if you dont STOP AND GET HELP.

-it was 3 am and im drunk as fuck on a friday night. i make my friend go to the gas station and i get a bunch of food for tomorrows binge.

-constantly im plotting out how i will binge/purge. my thoughts "okay i will go to dads, if hes there ill bring a trashbag so i can throw up in it downstairs." " ill steal some money and walk somewhere to get a lot of food."

-i will steal food from the kitchen at random times when no one can see and stack up in my room for next binge. . .god i can go on forever. my point is. . .why am i blocking out normal LIFE and having this stupid bullshit on my mind 24/7. literally. and the fact that its going to kill me. i have already gone to a 2month program for this and im back in it again, if not worse. so it gives me a lot less hope.

everytime i do this binge/purge thing, i think, okay this could be my last, i could die. and i look around at everything thinking its going to be the last time i see it. and thats so FUCKING SAD. CAUSE I STILL DONT STOP. I AM POSSESSED, WE ALL ARE. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD TYPE ALL THIS BUT IT IS 100% MY TRUE FEELINGS. WE NEED TO END EATING DISORDERS. they are mind games...demons in our heads. im sorry if that sounds crazy weird but i know it is, has to be...it aint god or anything positive. wether they are not as bad or bad they are all the same and will only get more intense

well im ordering pizza in about an hour and binging/purging. i stole 20 bucks from my dad. i dont know how to get help can someone please give me advise...how can i tell my mom, "hey mom i know you spent about $30,000 last year but im in it really bad again. i know your broke and i got us kicked out of the appartment and we are living at grammas strapped for cash but i need you to spend all your savings on me to get help." how can i do this! and the thing is, i hide it so good they all think im doing good. although im still only 95 lbs... HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE OUT THERE GIVE ME GOOD ADVISE I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS I NEED A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im binging right now. i just ate one whole medium pizza. a box of poptarts. a pbj. and now im eating ho ho's...what the fuck ewwwwwwwwwwwww

yuck. fat=me

DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow. havent posted in the longest time! hmm, why you ask? my dad wont let me come over here any more! he found out bout the puking and he says he dont wat me eatin all his food. what a fucker. so i live with my mom, meme and papa. and they are fuckin annoying. but guess what i still binge and purge every damn day if not more, and i love it. Its what I live for, i so outsmart everyone. they have no idea. FUCK THEM ALL! anyways. im a mess. and i feel ugly. and...die.

i weigh 88 lbs. how beautiful.

XOXO.Tara.