I know I have to get used to it because, let's face it, neither March 2009 (ETS date) nor January 2021 (retirement) is tomorrow. However, I'm afraid I’ll never get used to watching him walk away. "They" tell me it gets easier, but I'd still like to find out exactly who "they" is and what they"re smoking (pardon my sarcasm).
It seemed so much harder this time. Perhaps because it was just us, or because I wasn’t surrounded by hundreds of other wives feeling the same things, or because of the dreaded hormones, or the fact that he was home for an entire 2 weeks and I feel as if I didn't have a moment of feeling normal during that time (post surgery, of course). Perhaps it:s the weather, or the holidays, or the fact that I have strep throat. It really doesn't matter what made today harder because nothing changes the fact that, at this very moment, he's back in Kuwait waiting on a flight to take him back to the sandbox....again.
There's no adequate way to describe watching him leave.
AWOL is definitely appealing. I won't lie that I’ve pro/conned 2 years in military prison versus a short eternity in Iraq on more than one occassion. I've also offered to break his leg in a way sure to require surgery but with a definite prognosis of a perfect healing. However, I’m not experienced in this and he just laughs at me every time knowing that while I'm kidding, I do love him THAT much to actually do it.
There's that gut wrenching pain of the unknown. When will he call? What if he doesn’t have enough cash on him? What if he forgot something? (which he did) What if he gets stuck in Kuwait a few days and doesn't have something he needs? What if….?
And then there's the part of you that's sane enough to know that, though locking him in the basement could work in a wacky world, it's not going to happen. You know he has to leave, not just because it's his job, but because he's a soldier and a part of him wants to. So you just figure you want to get it over with as soon as possible- while wishing every second can drag on at the same time.
So, he's gone, again. It may be another year before he gets home from this deployment (though I hope he’s home much sooner). And he should call in the morning. And I tracked his flights. And I know he'll be ok. Still stinks though.
