So.... I feel great. I pulled out all the art work I had left from my high school career as an artist... I was listening to my R&B and soul radio station I listen to, and its as if it all jus came together. The music just flowed thru my body, into the depths of my soul.... and out of my finger tips as I began to create, something marvelous and amazing. I thank God for this ability he gave me, to bring out my inner most feelings and put them down in the form of art for the world to see. I am talking to some one new. My ex and I buried the hatchet. We are friends... not best friends, but we managed to salvage some of our wrecked relationship. But this new girl, she babies me so much. Makes me feel like there's no one like me. And truth is, there isn't. Cocky? Concieted? How about true... I am one of a kind baby. And you, yes YOU, you are one of a kind. So love yourself (no dude not like that that's not cool, (haha a little humor). I took time from today to personally tell the most special of friends how much I love them. Its just...

My previous girlfriends have been attracted by my attitude. Don't get me wrong, I look decent too, but mostly cuz of my attitude.To them, I have my life together. I have ambition. I know exactly what I want, and when I want it, and on top of that, how I'm going to get it.... but as soon as they come into my life, it all comes unglued.... and after about a year of being unglued, it all just snapped back together. The music was soft, my creations, my imagination, my entire mind was on display in my room... on the walls, on my couch, on my bed on the dresser.... and its like I faded into nothingness, I was a part of it all... and I was @ peace....

I felt a great calm over come me... I was planning on getting married. That's why I loved my job. Because I was preparing to provide for someone, a family. My family.... well that didn't plan out and I started to hate my job. Today I fell in love w/ it again. It will allow me to succeed, see more and learn more. And when that special someone finally comes along I will be prepared....

But for now I am @ peace. I have no grudges. I don't hate anyone. Its love all around. And I'm not afraid to put myself out there. Dude, I'm awesome. Period. Cocky and concieted? Perhaps, but I think I deserve it, now, @ least for a little.

I love life. Live it to the fullest and if you read this blog heck I love you too.... tell every one near and dear to you how much you appreciate them. Especially the females. Cuz ladies, w/o you, we, the guys, would be no where.... a lot of what we do is for you. To impress you. Provide for you. Make you happy.... some of us, we aim to please.

That's what I have to say. Life is great nd even the worst part of it for me was pure gold cuz I got something out of it.... what about you? How do you feel?

so my ex would always tell me, " omg im getting so fat." or we would dance and my hand had a tendency to go from her back to her side, idk why it just did. she would get upset and say, "dont mess with my love handles." she was so funny ... now i have friends who tell me the same things... they arent happy with the way their hair looks. or the way that skirt fits. or they arent happy becasue to them, they have gained a little weight and they think its a big deal. im a guy. it isnt a big deal to me. but if it is to you, then i am here.

think about it this way. we, the guy, we love you as you are. sweetie, i love you as you are. did you ever think that maybe those love handles which you dislike so much are something we love about you? or maybe the way your hair frizzes up and makes you mad, we think it makes you look cute? Maybe the braces youre sporting make that beautiful smile of yours even cuter? forget about those things.

what about those beautiful honey colored eyes God gave you? or that little giggle you have that always puts a smile on our face? the way you ask, "baby are you ok?" when we get sick, that tone in your voice of concern with a hint of "honey i love you?" maybe its that down to earth personality that attracted us to you in the first place that we love about you so much?

sweetie dont worry about what you look like so much. ( we all worry, hehe just not so much) we love you and if you gain a little weight, get a new hair cut, buy a new skirt, dont fit into your old jeans anymore, what ever, remember we loved you before all that. and we will love you after. my ex inspired me to think about this. but avery wonderful friend inspired me to write it. you know who you are. you are a very beautiful young lady, very optimistic, open minded, fun, funny, you a pair of the most beautiful eyes and gorgeous smile i have ever seen. and if some jerk judges you on those things and not who you are, and he doesnt see all those wonderful qualities, he didnt deserve you to begin with. so lemme see that wonderful smile! I'll ttyl k?

MWAH

Ok so check this. Back in the day, way back in the day I was the kinda guy who would talk to a few girls at a time. I didn't date them cuz if I did I then I was and still am a 1 girl kinda guy, but I was a bit of a player and a sweet talker. Now I grew out of it, I was looking to settle down and well, we al know the story...

Anyway, I called on Edna saturday, to ask if she was ok cuz she missed meeting. Anyway, she said yes and I was like ok well that was it and I said bye and hung up... I kept my cool and played it cool just like the old days.... I didn't even hint that I was worried. So I was proud of myself.

Well later that day she called me, and I was washing my moms van and I didn't answer. I called her back around 11 and asked what was up, why had she called me? She said no special reason, she jus wanted to talk. I felt as if she missed me but I'm not jumping to conclusions or getting my hopes up. Any way, this made me feel good, cuz now she is the one looking for me. Is that bad that I am happy the shoe is on the other foot?? Idk but anyway, she said she had 2 go to the store that if she could call me back. She ASKED!!! She never used to do that she would TELL me... well I said ok and she said what if I wake u up? I said its ok. She calls me back around 1 a.m. and I was asleep. I answered, she asked if I was asleep and I said yea. She said txt me later then IF I WANT! and I said ok.... I was half asleep and I think I said I love you.... but anyway we hung up and I have not called or txtd her since....

I am tempted to, I miss her and nancy you are right I just want her to love me. But I am NOT going to get hurt again. So I'm gonna play it cool and let her show me that she wants me. If she does then we will see, I need to see changes. I am back baby there's a new sherriff in town and I don't play games or put up with crap. My happiness is on the line and I will protect it! So HA! Am I being the stereo typical jerk that is a player? Yes and no. I'm not a player but that doesn't mean I don't know how to play the game. I feel as if we are evenly matched now, and we are on my court. I'm just so proud of me for taking charge and that's the way its going to be.

So ladies and gentle-dudes, meet the new ME!!! ( well not so new, so I guess we can say I'M BAAACK!)