World Domination: Part Deux

Many have questioned my existence as I have not posted in some time. Well, minions, do you not think that I have better things to do than grace the world with my pithy words of wisdom? Count yourself privileged that I do not furious dance upon your head for suggesting such ridiculousness. For your information, I have been working on my new network TV shows -- "Furious Dancing with the Stars" and "So You Think You Can Furiously Dance?" I find the popular versions of these shows to be incredibly bland. To truly dance with passion, one must do so FURIOUSLY.

Some have inquired about Minion, my pink llama. He is alive and well and spreading his, well, pinkness... The Parade of Pink has quickly become a worldwide phenomenon. Fortunately, I have been able to tie this into my plot for world domination with a new slogan -- "Real Men-yons Wear Pink." I am clever, no? YES! OF COURSE I AM CLEVER! It appears you were questioning my authority, foolish reader. Don't let it happen again.

World domination will continue into 2008. Jump on the M-Train.

I have decided to employ some summer help.  Many people are under the mistaken impression that world domination slows down during the warmer months.  Actually, this is when my campaign kicks into high gear with outdoor concerts, celebrations and parades.  Minion is preparing for another round of the "Parade of Pink."  I am unsure as to how that particular parade helps my cause, but it makes Minion feel useful.  To be quite frank, I don't think Minion knows what the purpose of the "Parade of Pink" is either.  I never met a llama who relished in the color pink as much as Minion...

Back to my summer help, I have decided to hire a trained monkey.  He does well provided that I feed him, give him water and clean his cage.  I have found that he becomes rather disgruntled when I leave him to his own devices for too long.  He is polite and amusing, which ultimately are the reasons why I hired him.  How does one acquire a trained monkey?  This particular one is an import.  I prefer to bring my monkeys in from other countries as they tend to be more inclined to work than American monkeys.

In addition to my new employee, I have decided to go on tour for the summer.  I am going to perform "Furious Dancing: Live!" at a venue near you.  This will be a dazzling show with lights, smoke, fire and furious dancing!  I am still working on the costuming.  Minion has determined that pink spandex is the only way to go, but I'm not so convinced. 

Happy Birthday to Me! Don't I look stunning?

Greetings, minions of inferior worth,

I have spent the last several days basking in the glorious rays of the Floridian sun.  One of my faithful minions has a condo there, which he dutifully agreed to share with me after I promised to spare him an evening of furious dancing.  I am in discussions to bring my furious dancing courses to all of your homes via DVDs.  I am told many have experienced weight loss, strengthening, and toning through my program.  My thought is that if money can be made from "Yoga Booty Ballet," then surely the masses will jump without missing a beat to "Furious Dancing."  I notice that all of these workout DVDs offer several promotional and warning messages prior to the workouts.  I have considered several messages, and here are some... "All those who purchase 'Furious Dancing' understand that a portion of this workout includes providing donuts with little sprinkles to one Mac the Great & Mighty Sloth.  They also agree to support all plots, plans, and schemes for World Domination created by one Mac the Great & Mighty Sloth.  In addition, they consent to sending regular donations of Jones Soda to one Mac the Great & Mighty Sloth.  Participants understand that taking part in a furious dancing course may result in injury up to and including death.  Furious dancing should be used responsibly and reasonably.  Furious dancing is no way affiliated with 'Dance Dance Revolution.'  Any insinuation of such a relationship is strictly prohibited.  Mac the Great & Mighty Sloth reserves the right to come to your home at any time and revoke your furious dancing license.  Your DVD will promptly be removed from your home and your head will serve as a practice forum for Mac's personal furious dancing pleasure.  Should you decide to return this DVD for any reason, recognize that a penalty fee of $1 billion will be charged to your credit card immediately.  Should your credit card not have such a limit, understand that Guido, bodyguard for Mac the Great & Mighty Sloth, will appear at your door without notice and will repossess all of your worldly goods up to and including pets, small children, and baked goods."

Subtle, no?