Just to keep you crazy people happy.  This is somethign I've been working on for awhile, and I hope you all like it.  It might have a meaning, I just like the way it sounds when I sing it to myself, like when I'm in the shower.  I hope you enjoy this...

“Happy Birthday in D”

Solitary Night,

I don’t know what to say

I’m sitting here alone

Wallowing in my shame

I still call you friend,

Even though you’ve gone away

And I talk to you,

Almost every other day,

But my hurt has not gone away

And it’s through this that I find I can say “Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday”

Yes, through the pain, I find the strength to say “Happy, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday”

I was your protector once,

And you, my guardian angel

How quickly through foolishness and impatience

We can turn on each other, each other

You see my dear, I killed us, 

And I’m sick of myself

I can’t believe, how words as spears,

Can shatter this fragile soul, fragile shell

And it’s through this that I find I can say “Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday”

Yes, through the pain, I find the strength to say “Happy, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday”

With this grimace, this smile I wear, I say “Happy Birthday, Hap-Happy Birthday”

Even if it’s too much to ask,

Can’t you be there for me?

I know it’s your special day, but I’m still hurting.

Happy Birthday

First off, it's been 274 days since I joined xanga, don't you think it's time I supported them and got xanga premium???

Next, I just wanted to let everyone know where I am spiritually.

Lately God has done some pretty remarkable things in me, bringing back the desire to know Him like a child knows his father.  You know, as a child grows, their understanding of their father changes, becomes more complex.  That's so awesome, and it works with God too.  But sometimes, we get comfortable with our fathers, knowing, even if for the first time, that they are our friends, adn pretty soon ,we forget they are also our ultimate authority here on earth.  As the old saying goes, "I brought you into this world, i can take you out."  Do I think someone's fathers is gonna kill them?  No!  But there is an authority there that never lessens with age, is never extinct.  The Bible says to honor our mother and our father, and it never has a stipulation for what age you are, there are no rules for exceptions.  In the same way, we are to honor God, our spiritual father and Lord.  Just because we are comfortable with Him and know He's our friend DOES NOT give us the freedom to treat our relationship with Him like it's nothing, or not that important.  What we do, or don't do, speaks volumes to our fathers.  Love them, respect them, learn form them, but never ever leave them out of your life, they have such an integral part in our lives, no matter hor the act or how smart they seem at the moment.  And God is not someone we should ever feel we can be comfortable with.  He's God!  He should be respected, feared.  We should remember what He has done, the past miracles in the Bible and the miracle s of today, along with the miracle of our salvation.  He is our friend, and He DOES call us friend, but we are to call Him Lord.

There!  I updated!  Ahhhh!!!!

For the sake of some people and the fact I said this would be my next post... ...here it is, though it's not done because someone rushes things...

"Hindsight always has 20-20 vision"

So foolish, so selfish

And I wish, that I had seen this,

The whole time, how I hurt you as you made me cry

And each one of us, such a mess, trying to, pick up the pieces,

And keeping up, a strong front, like we knew what, was going on

And I’m afraid, that everything, is broken, but in the long-run, I know this

I would never have done anything

That I thought would bring you pain

I would never have done a thing

That I thought would make you cry again

I only wanted to let you in, on how I felt

But I made it a selfish game, I made it such a selfish thing

There, I updated this thing.  Jeez. HEHE...

Have you ever examined yourself and found that you lacked the fundamentals of everything that made you, well you?  Have you ever looked in the mirror and saw a person so wound up in the details that they forgot why they were even alive?  trust me, it happens.  It has happened to me.  This weekend, while I was at home, God really spoke to me.  Now, I have apologies to make, backtracking to do, and freindships that need repair/maintainence.  Some of the people reading this may belong to one of these catergories and if you know who you are, I will be trying my hardest to make things right.  And I don't even mean right by what I want.  Yeah, that's important to me, but true love asks what it can do for others, and I want to emulate my Chrsit, who asked that question to the point of death.  I want to love God as much for real, through my actions, as my mouth says I do.  I want to talk less and walk more.  I'd like to initiate and then maintian a determined walk through life that builds me in every way, but is not focused on me.  In growing, i would like to be focused on Him and on you.  I want to make your life better.  How can I help you today, tomorrow, and the next day?  What will it take to fix what has been broken, mend what has been torn, and repair what has been shattered?  I want to do these things.  But I also realize I can, in myself, do none of this. It's God.  It's always been Him, it's always been about Him.  He is the center of what I live for, the very reason I breath.   He has always been the center of why we live as Christians.  We call ourselves "Christ-like" but so often we lie, in how we act, how we treat each other, and how we react to even the simplest questions (such as 'how are you?').  How easy it is to be superficial when God has called us to intamacy and trust, but not only with Him but with the entire community of beleivers. 

That's all I got, peace

You know what?  God is so good to me.  today, i was just walking, and I started thinking of all the things God has done for me... ...and it's amazing.  When I was alone, HE was right there.  When I was angry, He soothed me.  When I cried, He has always stopped my tears.  He has been the one shouting my name fro the mountian tops when no one else would look me in the face.  He was the one that came to me, when I had no one to turn to.  When I fell down, He picked me up.  When I felt this walk was over, He pushed me to go further, to see what was around the next bend.  When I saw something ahead I knew I wouldn't like, He got me to look at the other side of the obstacle to see what there was to be had.  My God treats me like royalty.  I am a warrior-prince, His son, made whole and returned by His grace and love.  I fight because He is worth fighting for, because He laid seige on Hell to have me back.  I have been made clean and have been given weapons to make war against my oppressors, and my arsenal grows everyday.  When the world tells me I should be tired, dirty and weak, I am strongest. I have been faint, but He gave me Water.  I have been tired, but He is my Energy.  I move like I can fly, I am fleet like the deer because of Him.  Whereas I once was unable to move because of my chains, I am free to roam this world, to search out the dark places, the quiet places and to bring light and to shout His glorious Name.  I am so glad that my Lord did these things for me, because where would I be without Him?  I could have all the friends in the world, but where would I be without Him?  I can tell you... ...six feet under, in an eternal prison.  Never will I inhabit that sanctuary of damnation.  I have the promise of a full life forever more.  My Dad gave that promise, and my Dad never breaks His promises.  NEVER!!!  I love Him so much for what He has done for me.  He has always been my reargaurd, even when I did not see.  Even when I did not care.  I love Him because He loved me first, and let me in on His love!  I will never reliquish what I have recieved, but I will never be quiet about the gift ever person can recieve from Him.  He has such great things for all of us, no matter who we are!  He doesn't care!  How amazing is that?  Too amazing for words.  I love Him so much.

Maison Jackson, searching for words (well, more of them)