Read this entry slowly.  I use the word 'deserve' a lot, which makes you forget the meaning (you know how that goes... if you repeat a word over and over you forget what it means). 
And I really don't want you to forget the meaning, I want this entry to make you think, strive, work towarad things that you want.  I don't want any of it to go over your head or 'out the other ear'.  I want you to stop and think about your answer to each question.
But, who am I to tell you how to read?  It's your choice...

"You deserve to be happy"
So many of you girls tell that to me, but is it true?  Do I really deserve happiness?
Don't misunderstand me, your comments mean the world, but this phrase really stood out to me.
What is it that we deserve?
Do we deserve everything that happens upon us, merely through chance?
Or only the things that we worked hard for?
Yes, we should appreciate things that came by us easily, but that does not mean we deserve them.
I think that the only things we really deserve are the things that we either worked hard for, or the things that we chanced upon, but use wisely and truely appreciate.
Be thankful for everything that you do have.  Work for the things that you don't.
I believe that we can change the world, but first we must start with ourselves.

Who's with me?
Who wants to change, wants to be better?
Will any of you join me in my quest for happiness?
I cannot recover on my own. 
Neither can you.
So let us all pull together.
And find our happiness.
We will deserve that happiness once we recieve it.
Some people are always happy.  They don't know the small mirical that they have been given.  They take their smiles for granted. 
But not us.
We will appreciate it.  We will have worked hard for it.  We, above everyone else, will truely deserve to be happy because we know the hardships of the world and had to work to overcome them to see the good again.

Join me girls.

Summer is here girls.

Let us enjoy this season of sunshine and warmth.

Have it shine through your darkness,
warm your cold soul.

Here is where we will change.

Now is when we will love life.

I am ready.  Are you?

I strive for a thing that may not exist.
I yearn for a place that has not yet been found.
I wish for a person that has not been born.
I dream of a feeling that has never been felt.

I wish, I want, I dream, I see, I hope, I love, I plead, I need.
Happiness.
I hate, I escape, I dread, I despise, I cry, I run from.
Depression.

My demons have captured me. 
They chuckle so cruely.
Secure in this dark place,
Is where they have thrown me.
No hope for her,
Is what they call out.
Forevermore I will
Scream and shout.
Hopelessly is how I
Struggle and fight
Strong in the morning
And weakened by night.
Hope has abandoned
My poor frightened soul.
I dub this place my grave,
My own darkened bowl.
(weak ending... my apologies...)

I do not know how to explain these feelings that whirl inside of me.  I do not understand them myself, so how am I supposed to talk about them to others?  I do not know what to do anymore.

I look down upon this ocean, the thing they call nature's beauty.
But where is the color, why is it not teeming with life?
All I see are dark, mocking waves.
They call to me, singing such a pretty song.
Whispering, murmuring, they coax me closer.
'Jump' they urge me, jump... jump... jump...
Vicious wind sends chills through my body.
Rain stings my face to mix with my tears.
Why could I never see the greatness of life?
I always had a filter over my eyes,
Keeping me from seeing everything good.
I turn, breathing in deeply,
And leap.