| - Roses & Wine BOOO!! Haha, Man, I never thought I'd be here again...
............................................-sigh-.......................................What to say... I'm so bad w/ journal stuff... Hahah...
I like this song. So simple. I feel like it helps my thoughts to flow better.
SO, what's on me mind???...God, as always...
-sigh-...Always trying to be better for Him. Doesn't ever work out too well though. But He's always there to get me up. Plus I always ask so many questions... I never really seem to get anywhere with my life. But I could push with the questions and the hesitation all I like probably; He'd still beat me with a new hope....
But I'm tired now. I wanna hold onto it...
I think my main problem has always been that I haven't been making a choice.... I never really considered how important it could be, seeing as my whole life I've "analyzed the situation" so to speak. Pretty much every situation I faced in life I could analyze it and carefully choose the most desirable outcome, or even manipulate one. A simple example would be video games (RPG's to be specific). I could take a game I like and find EVERY SINGLE ASPECT to find and find it . Hehe, I can get pretty prideful about it too, cuz in those situations, I absoulutely REFUSE to get any help from guides or anything. This kinda leaks into everything else in my life, especially people. Whether I want to help or feel I need help, my mind is always thrown into a mess of confusion (mess of confusion? How redundant of me. ), which cuts down my own effort.
But I'm tired now. I don't want to care about that anymore.
I've been watching this anime called "S-Cry-Ed". It was pretty cool. What I really loved about the show was the character development. The two heroes, who live totally opposite lives, at first treat each others as enemies (like MORTAL enemies). They later fight with each other to defeat a common enemy, and find their "heroic" strength by the complement of the other. And one thing one of the heroes said during his last battle was, "I've been only looking out for myself for so long. But now, I don't need anything anymore" (Or something to that degree). That may sound very passionate and foolish, but I felt like it was God speaking to me there. Seeing that saying as if the guy was talking to God, it sounded like, "I've been looking out for myself for so long. But I don't need anything anymore, because You're here to be my strength as I push forward."
Ahhh....So sweet is your presence....
How the characters developed in the end I also saw as interesting. How two complementary characters came from bitter enemeis to a force that their foe couldn't stop is an outcome that was kinda suprising, if you fit that in human life. It helped me to see human relationships in a better perspective. I guess its nice to have people around you can associate with well, but people who complement you can make you strong (that's if you share a common goal).
So, I'm pushimg foward in life, and I don't need anything anymore, cuz I have all I need. I know my passionate side usually throws me through a loop, so I'm focused on being more disiplined in my walk with God. And I'm chillin' on the questions (Matthew 6:31 adresses this).
RRAAAAAAAAAHHH.... I just love these 3:00AM entries...
~Malc | 
