Wouldnt it just be nice to take a glance at the future just for one second to see if you were on the right track.  That would be super.  Yeah I know that everything works out and God has a plan but wouldnt it be nice just so you know if you are in the right direction?  Here I (my parents) are spending thousands of dollars a year for me to go to school at a place that was my choice, so I can blow off or "find" myself for four years.  Isnt that super!  Now I am in a major that does have choices but in all truthfulness I hate my major.  I enjoy the classes (some of them) but really in the end what am I going to do with this major?  I dont want to live in the city and last time I checked there werent a whole lot of literature studies majors living in the country.  I have always wanted to live in the country far from everything and just be the family person.  I have been raised around a supportive family and a family that was there for me. But not working and not having a job is frowned upon now.  It is kind of like in Mona Lisa's Smile....Julie Robert's is trying to change the ways of these women to show them that there is life out there other than being the "mom"/"wife" figure.  Yes I do agree with her, but you know if that is what people want then okay.  My mom keeps asking me about the choices that my major has.  I know she wants me to get a degree and such and I know that she wants me to have every oppurtunity that she didnt have. As in a job away from home.  Yes, I will get a degree and yes I will work but I dont want work to get in the way of family.  I dont care how much money I have or the type of house I live in or the car that my family drives...as long as you have a family built on love and the type of relationship that there is always time for one another than what else do you need?  I have been lucky to grow up in a home that my parents always showed their love for my sister and I and they always made sure they were at every single function or happening.  My parents were involved they knew my friends and my friends love my parents. I want that for my kids.  That is what is important.  I dont want to look in my kids eyes and tell them that their father and I wont be able to attend something because we have to work or we have a meeting.  To me family is more important. In my family my dad is the only one that "works".  Im not saying that I dont want to work, I am just saying that it is time for people to open their eyes and see that someone staying at home and being their for the family 100% is nothing to be ashamed of.  That they they should be proud and that people should not frown upon that.  I dont know....it is just sad as to what people think these days...it is all about the good and material things...they forget about the important things...family and love.

The school year is offically underway now!  Get excited!  Thus far it hasnt been too bad.  Granted I read for about 5 hours a day....I am starting to think that I really should have thought about my options that I have instead of just going with what I thought was best.  Freshman and there thoughts...I tell ya!  But I can always get this degree and then go for something else.  Who knows.  I am starting to think that I want to help teen girls fight depression and things like that.  It will all work out.  Thus far I really just like two of my classes out of five.  To me this is sad.  The other ones are just so boring.  I think if you could get a teacher to actually teach what you read and things like that instead of what was happening in the world during this time then it would be much better.  But that is just me talking to the wind I guess. 

Heading home this weekend.  We are going to Texas.  I am really excited, granted it will be a fast trip but I get to see Ethan.  Although I have about 200 pages of reading and a paper due that Tuesday but you know it will get done.  I have a wedding to go to Saturday.  Not looking forward to that.  One reason is because it is the first football game of the season...this makes me sad. I really want to go.  I am seriously considering not going to the wedding so I can go to the game.  I know this is really selffish of me, so in the end I know I will talk myself into going to the wedding but the game would be exciting!  Oh well, there is always next year kick off season I guess. 

Hope all have a great day!

For those of you that know me, know that I like to have an answer to everything.  It doesnt matter what, I just like to know why and know that there is reasoning behind it.  This is especially true in my life, I like to know where I am going and why I am going in that direction.  But, over the past few weeks, I suppose you could say that I have been doing some deep soul searching and trying to dig out everything that I dont want or things that I need to build on.  Personally I am trying to build a strong relationship with Christ.  That is my number one goal this year, I want him to be my everything and number one.  I want to glorify him and give him everything.  Of course the devil is trying to win the battle by trying to bring up some things that have happened over the few years and months but I have turned it to God and he has guided me through.  It hit me today as I was walking across campus to my wonderful Amer. Lit class that I really dont have a clue as to what I want to do with my life.  I really dont know.  But this time it didnt freak me out and I didnt worry because I know God has a plan for me.  Yeah I am taking about 70 hours of English classes and once I finish them I might decide that I want nothing to do with it.  But that is okay.  They say that the best things in life you cant explain but you just get this sensation of wonderfulness and this feel of WOW!  That is what I have with Christ.  I cant explain the change that has overcome me but I know it is there. 

Currently Listening Lifesong see related

Summer is almost over.  It is rather sad.  This year it seemed to go by soooo freaking fast.  Only a week and a half left and then the madness starts!  I did buy my books, being that I already have homework that needs to be done.  I swear...English professors and their wonderful ideas.  I found out that I can graduate in a year and a half if I wanted to.  Kinda scary if you ask me.  I dont know what I am going to do.  It might be nice to graduate a semester early but then what would I do?  Hmm...might wanna figure that one out before I jump the guns of graduation. 

I am some what excited about this school year.  I am excited to see what doors will open and what all is coming up.  Orange Peel, Homecoming, football season and COOL WEATHER!  Granted I love heat and lake weather but lord 105 days is enough for anyone.  I just want it to storm for days.  That would be super!

My stress level has seemed to go down over the past week or so.  I think it has come to be that  God really is incharge of my life and that there is really nothing that I can do about it.  I will let God guide me, especially since I tend to get so stressed out.  Not good!  But we will see how that stress level is going when test time is around.  GAG! 

Who's back in Harrah....that would be this kid. Who is not excited....that would be this kid!  Granted I love home, it is my safe zone and my relaxation place.  But the town....not so much.  Went to the grocery store tonight and ran into about 10 people that I graduated with...YES!  You then ask what each other is up to and this is the response you get...."well I am fixing to go party with blah blah and then tomorrow I will go to work at blah blah."  You then say oh wow, fun!  Then they ask what you are doing and you tell them..."Well I go to school still in Stillwater, and that is about it."  Then the response..."Well Im not rich so I dont get to go to college."  YEAH!  I love harrah!

So church was amazing today.  I love those days when it just hits you and you are like WOW this is true.  Today was about finding your life song...meaning what is one thing people should know/remember about you.  Also, knowing that you are never alone and God is always walking with you.  I have a problem with this.  I have a problem with facing my problems head on, I usually dart around them hoping they will just go away.  I am getting though where I give it all to God and today was a little reminder to continue to do that.  Things are just better when you give them to him.  I know I can not deal with the problem at hand so I give it to God and he guides me.  It has helped me this far. Also i have an amazing support system that is there if I ever decided to talk.  They push me to do it and it helps just to know they care.  I love my family and friends!