I've just had a text- apparently Heath Ledger is dead. How upsetting. I hope his family and friends are coping OK.

I've eaten too much today- so much so that i've managed to get a stomach ache from my overindulgence- why do i strain my body so much?

I did go for a run- but to make it beneficial with the calories i have unworryingly consumed i would have needed to run about 21 miles!

I need to run further and eat less.

I have no excuses for my recent lack of updates.

I apologise for this and i'm sure you've all been in the same position-a little distracted i suppose.

I find i'm very much an all or nothing girl- and if i slip into a routine (I.E- not being able to check my posts for 3days) i then feel almost lazy- like i've fallen behind an there's no catching up. This is, of course, exactly how my diet works. I seem to succeed over a period of time- then i'll perhaps slip up for a few days/meals- and everything literally flies out of the window!

I'm hoping to change this mentality. I need to change this mentality.

I'm having a break from University right now- I have travelled home to see my parents for a while as they are going on holiday for most of the season and if i hadn't chosen to see them this weekend i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have until summer. Right now though, this is a decision i am starting to regret. My parents do not seem to understand my struggles at University to excel and do well. I chose (encouraged) to go to one of the country's best Universites and i knew, as soon as i got accepted, that it was a mistake- failure is not an option and i find the pressure building every day that creeps closer to my graduation. I honestly don't think i'll do it- and my parents will not understand why.

I'm sorry girls- i just read this post back- it is awfully depressing- i promise my next one will be easier on the brain. I'm going back to University on Wednesday and plan to have drunken fun with no rules.

So- I finally managed to get this assignment finished- I stayed up all night and all morning- so i've officially had no sleep in the past 48 hours-tragic.

I will update properly tomorrow as i am extremely tired (too tired to eat!)- but for now, i just need to sleep away my worries......

"Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use."

I feel i'm at a dead end.

I hate University right now and i feel myself becoming increasingly envious of other people's lives. I want that success. I could have that success. I need that success.

I need to strengthen my courage, and i know that means stepping out into the unknown- which is terrifying alone, but what scares me most is that i may never try....

I feel Unsuccessful.

I ate too much.

I have a University assignment due in on Tuesday which i am yet to start. I feel so unorganised and confused with where i want to be.

I want more from life.