I hope I can get this all out.

It has seamed to me for a little while now, that I have been walking farthur from God, not so much walking farthur, but just not walking with.  And I don't mean "walking in sin", or anything like that, just not having that relationship with Him.  Not that it wasn't there, but more like a little here, a little there, but nothing substantial.

I know He never left me.

I've been involved in a group that really encourages a good relationship with God.  On where you know and understand Him as your father, not just God, not just King, but Daddy.

We need Him, for everything.  He said that aside from me (himself) you can do nothing.  Nothing.  Sure we can clean ourselves up, but all our righteousness is as filthy rags.  We must decrease, that He may increase.  His strength is made evident in our weakness.  I'm of the opinion now that we shouldn't "overcome" our weaknesses and faults and sins, but instead "follow hard" after Him, and let His power overcome our faults.  "My grace is sufficient for your weakness" He said.

It's time to let Him take our burdens.

Ok, where was I going?  Not here I don't think.  I was talking about my favorite subject... ME!

LOL

I have been desiring to get back into a better relationship with Him, and, being the brain I am, I took charge and set out!  and ran into a brick wall.  So, I tried to figure out where I went wrong and went at it again...

Maybe this is in the way, or maybe this, or maybe I need to get this out of my life first, or maybe I love such and such to much...

I'm so inpatient, I just want to be perfect!  I just want to know God, and to actually be in fellowship with Him.  So I try.

SO I want to share several thoughts that have been going through my mind.  Some of them I think God showed me, others were just thoughts.

ONE:
Jesus is the bread of life.  He is our sufficiency.  I think that partaking of this resembles, or represents or something a deep relationship with Him.

I believe this is connected with the green pastures talked about in Psalm 23.  God leads us to the place of rest, and being filled (green pastures, you know), nourished, in a relationship with Him.  Green pastures arn't just easy life and physical blessings, if at all.

I was the shepherd of a small flock of goats for about two years (surprise surprise, you knew I was tarzan!)  This was out is a semi desert area, and when we wanted tot take our goats to good eating, we had to walk through cactus and all sorts of things things (like yuca yuca).  Sometimes God has to lead us through the dry places to get to the good places.

TWO:
Paul said I have no greater joy than that you come to understand the width depth and height of Christs' love.  Don't we understand it?  He died for us.  But it is so much more than that, not that I understand it, but I want to.

THREE:
We want to be good people?  right?  Well we all try.

We love Him because He first loved us.  It's obvious to me that that love goes so much more deeper than "He died for us".  For us to understand that we need to be in that relationship with Him, learning and experiencing that love.  And then as we are loved we will love Him back.  Like rocks heated by a fire, they give off warmth they received from the fire.

Along with this is the verse that says it is the goodness of God that brings us to repentance.

FOUR:

This is the most recent and one of the most special.  He (God) is in control.  I can relax!  It's His love and goodness, not mine. 

Isaiah 40:3 and 4 is part of this.

Prepareing the way is not getting your life right, it is meating with Him, opening yourselve up to relationship with Him.

And the bold part was particularly encouraging to me.  It almost seamed to be saying that He's gonna fix what's wrong with me.

And then in regards to my inpatients:
Isaiah 40:31

In this waiting, I wait, with Him.  I am waiting on Him to fix the problems, or whatever needs to be fixed.  But I am in fellowship with Him.  IF you seek me, I will be found of Thee.

And then there is emotions.  We talked about them this Wednesday in our Bible study.  We can't go by them.  Our relationship with God isn't based on them, because when they aren't there, we still have to stick it out.  I think this goes hand in hand with the waiting thing.  It's like a man and woman who get married.  They are in love with each other, but there will come hard times in their relationship when that "in love" emotion dwindles, and then, they choose, we love each other, and we want to have relationship with each other.

I love to play with photos.  You all probably know that already.  But did you all know that the love extended beyond just taking them?  I like to photoshop them as well.  (I use photoshop as a verb, I actualy do not use photoshop, I supose, to be technical, I should say that I Photopaint them)  Below are some recent pieces of artwork.

At first, these three photos may appear to be to much like eachother, but they each represent a different idea and concept for the finished product.  They are all ideas that spawned from eachother though.

The main idea, or foundation of this one and the next, is the church building.  In this one, it is somewhat hidden, yet still the foundation of the picture.  If you have a good enough computer monitor, you should be able to see it.  From hindsight's perspective, the portrait needs to be faded a bit more.

Where-as in this one, the main theme is the portrait and guitar.  The church buiding is still there, but has just been washed out by the intensification of the colors and contrast.

Now, it is  hard to call these next four photos art, at all. They are distortions at best.  So, I have made up a little story to go allong for them:

IT all started last sunday, a report came in that a newspaper reporter had seen a strange creature in the Golden Choral resturant.  He quickly snapped a picture, and kept his eyes open for more. 

Sure enough, he soon spotted a second one!

He sent in his photos to the authorities, and the strange creatures were identified... as aliens!  It was tagged top secret, but I still got my hands on the report!  Officers were alerted to keep there eyes open!  But it was me who started learning about the whole plot! 

When I went to a small coffee shop to listen to some music, I spotted one more, trying to blend in with the band!  He caught me looking at him though, and ran out the back door. 

I followed him through the streets of Colorado springs, untill he thought he had lost me, then he went to a ware-house and met with his leader.  They discussed some plans, and I was able to learn that they are on a recon mission, scouting us out.  They are from the planet of Pluto.  The one with things over his eyes has X-ray, and radio active laser vission.  HE can burn you up, so be carefull!

I was able to snap a picturre of the leader:

and... sssh, I hear something behind me.

Yahhh! ooof!  crash. ugh! caugh. thump..... heavy breathing and sound of dragging....