do you ever have that moment in your life when you realize you are so unhappy?  well today was my moment.  i feel like i'm losing everyone and everything i know and it makes me so sad.  today i went to watch my best friend play his very last soccer game on the home field, they won, but it made me realize i don't have very much time left with him before he leaves me.  and then i thought about what a great weekend i had with a friend who is so great.  and he is leaving in december as well as aaron.  and it kills me that i'm so not cut out for my new job, that i actually have to talk myself into liking it.  i'm very grateful for this job, but it's not what i want to do and they are already telling me that i'll never know it all, and worst of all it's customer service.  i love to help people but not when they are going to cuss me out. 

my life has been one big whirl wind, where one minute i think i'm doing the right thing, only to get told that i'm not.  i just want to help people and make their own dreams come true.  it doesn't even matter to me that i'm making thousands more at this job, i don't want to do and i don't think i can.  my heart is not in it, and if you know me at i can't do something without lovng it.  i know i am in the wrong place, and i've known it since i had the interview, but i had to take it because it was the only thing at the time....

my head hurts from crying and knowing i can't do anything about this right now....

I am so upset right now

I think I have lost a friend forever and it hurts so much

I don't know what I can do to even make this right anymore

I lost my three best friends from high school after we graduated because I got more involved at my church and they thought I was just ignoring them.  then i thought they wanted to fix things because they asked me to meet them at a restaurant for lunch when I was home one weekend.  Turns out all they did was sit there and tell me how I'm the one that ruined everything and that because I got more involved at church they didn't think anything would ever be the same.  that was the last time I got to talk to them.  Now I feel like things are happening all over again and I don't want to lose this friend.  I was closer to this friend than the other 3 from high school combined.  and now my heart just hurts because I don't think things will ever be the same and I don't know if they even realize how upset I am by not having their friendship.  It makes me so upset that everytime I think  about all i can do is cry.  and I hate that i can't fix it.

Currently Listening It Won't Be Soon Before Long By Maroon 5 Not Falling Apart see related

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  That's really what I want to do right now, but I can't I'm at work.  I am BEYOND frustrated...I have so many words right now, but not the right ones

* I wish I could change...

*I wish I could be that perfect someone for that perfect guy...

*I wish I could have all my best friends back...

*I wish I knew what I was doing for the rest of my life...

*I just wish I could tell this guy who keeps writing me letters that I'm sorry but I'm not interested in him that way...

*I wish I could understand why people make the decisions that they do...

*I wonder why I'm not good enough, even though I'm told that I am so much betterthan that...

*As much as Imay not be ready for marriage, Ienvy those who have found that best friend and are starting their new lives...

*I want to know what it takes to understand why I am always that girl who will always be there for him, but he will never truly appreciate me, no matter what I say or do....

*I'm tired of being just Katie...