| hey lets just say im done writing in here.....love you all still tho....xoxo! |
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| im back again and this time its like 145 in the morning....i cant sleep and i cant quit thinkin about everything...its like every freakin thing i do or see or hear reminds me of jamie....idk why i have fallin SoOoOo dang hard for him but i have....lettin go isnt easy either! let me tell you that!!! but im doin alright the MAIN thing i want is for HIM to be happy!!! and i THINK hes gettin there....lettin go of the past isnt easy for anyone....but at sum point in life everyone has to do it...no matter how hard it is they have to push thru and forget about the past and let themselves enjoy the life they have.....and NEVER forget the people who love you!!! anywayz i just wanted to say sorry if i was bitchy in my frist entry tonite....i didnt mean to be i was just in a bad mood....*stress sucks*....ne wayz im gonna go AGAIN...and i think this is the last time ill write tonite!haha!! goodnite love you all!!! xoxo!  |
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| *ONE MORE THING....jamie boi if you read this....which i dont think you do...but if you do.....dont feel bad about ne thing...you say it makes you feel like shit knowing that im hurtin....but please dont feel that way cuz im going to be ok i promise! as long as we are friends and i got you to count on when i need sumone and you still got me to count on then its all going to be ok!!! u are a really really great friend.....even tho i know we probly wont ever be more....just cuz thats how it seems right now....i still care bout you more than ne thing.....hope life is treatin you good....let me know if you ever need ne thing at all!! love yaz!!!! * |
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| hey! well its sunday night at like one in the morning and im in Topeka...not that i wanna be here cuz i DONT but i am....ne wayz....today was kinda crappy....i still have like no voice which sux and now i found out there are rumors goin around bout friday night that arent true! how freakin grand! NOT! ne wayz....jamie boi got back from Great Bend today but it was already after i left so i didnt getta see him...but oh well...*i think im bout to get bad news...  ...but whats new there? oh thats right NOTHING!*.....ne wayz i wish that he could realize how much i would give him and how i would do my best to make his world perfect if only he would give me a chance....but he wont ever give me a chance and i dont see why i cant just move on...and oh great look...he just told me he only wants to be friends and that hes sorry friday night happened and that he probly wouldnt have done ne of that but he was drunk....but enough of me complaining about that....im just going to go to bed now cuz im crying AGAIN.....ne wayz...goodnite love you all have a great day/ night! w/e it is....xoxo!
***what i would do for a chance w/ you....you could never understand.....im not tryin to push you.....im not tryin to make you....all im sayin....is i really really like you....and wish more then anything.....to be w/ you....*** |
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| hey everyone its kinda late right now and i dont feel good and im relaly tired so its going to be short...today when i got home around like 845 my mom made me start helpin her with some work outside but then at around 11 or so i told her i was goin back to bed so i went back to bed for a while then jamie boi called me and woke me up and we talked for a while and then he told me that i sounded tired and that he would let me get sum rest and for me to call him later on so i just went back to sleep when i woke up my family and i went to the mall and then to my g-mas for the day...i called jamie boi back and we talked for a while but he was still at the 50s nationals or w/e so we couldnt relaly talk all that long but he told me he wanted me to call him back later so when i got home from my gmas around 930 i called him back and we talked a while but he said he would call me when he could talk more...so i just went to bed cuz i was feelin crappy ne wayz....then around 1130 he called and woke me up and we talked for a while and i think i said sumthin that i shouldnt have...i didnt mean to bring ne thing up and i wasnt going to say it but he kinda made me say it and he sounded sad after i said it and i wish i wouldnt have say anything about it at all...im like soo worried bout him....hes been drinkin since three and when we got off the phone he was going to go drink more....he means sooooooo freakin much to me and i dont wanna see ne thing happen to him and if sumthin does happen to him its just going to tear me apart....idk what i would ever do without him even if its just as a friend....but ya that was my day and now im off to go back to bed...to worry bout jamie boi and how hes doin and really wishin i wouldnt have said anything at all.... ....but theres not much i can do now.....i just hope he knows how much i care about him, even if we are only friends, and never more then that.... goodnite everyone....love you all! xoxo! |
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