I weighed myself today when I went to the gym.  Half of me totally regrets it because it made me feel so awful to look at the number.  The other half of me is happy that I at least cought it before it got entirely out of control.  And I was doing so well a few weeks ago.  Damn.

I've gained about 5 lbs.  I knew it was happening and I knew it was my own fault but I just sat back and allowed it.  I've been eating pretty much whatever my boyfriend suggests or wants for nearly two weeks now and it's obviously getting to my body.  That sucks.  I like being able to eat like a normal human and maintain meals with people.  On vacation it was really easy to do...we just ate lunch and dinner as a group every day.  I figured if I continued eating twice a day like that I wouldn't have a problem.  Apparently that's not the case at all.  I guess the stuff they fed us on vacation was better than the stuff we choose to eat when we're at home but whatever it is, there's a huge difference.  I was actually *losing* weight on vacations (while everyone around me gained) and now I've gained it all back.  *sigh* 

I don't really have anything to do and that can't help.  I go the gym but I have hours of empty time to fill and I end up sitting in my room or the library or outside reading.  Or I mess around online.  Or I just sit and be lonely.

God I'm depressing.  I'm sorry everyone.  I don't mean to bring you all down with my whining.  I'm just not used to being alone this often.  I don't work regularly cause my job is weird and I don't have any classes I need to take but all of my friends do have normal jobs or they take classes.  That leaves me alone from the point I get up in the morning until late evening and 9/10ths of the time I have absolutely nothing that I have to do.  I know to some people that sounds like a great way to spend the summer but it's driving me insane!  I've even started to get all clingy with my boyfriend cause I don't see him as much as I'd like to.  I've tried going for walks but it's no fun alone.  *sigh* 

At least now I can focus on the weight problem and trying to fix it.