| wowwow its been a LONG time since ive been on here lol well ppl i really doubt me ever coming back to xanga but i am currently addicted to myspace... so if you want to check out my page there its www.myspace.com/angelic_yet_demonic so ya thats me TtFn |
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| well hello all i just got got done crying my eyes out well techicaly im not done lol buys are ugh im so confused if anyone reads this please dont judge... ok theres a guy that no i havnt met in person at least not yet but ive been talking to him for 3 years now and ya his name is chad i love him with all of my heart... not many ppl know about it though well ya i wake up i think about him i do anything i think about him i fall asleep i fucking dream about him i dont know what to do i cant get him out of my mind when i dont talk to him my heart hurts but he dosnt feel as strongly for me i know that well ya we were supose to meet in august in NY and posibly have "sexual relations" and if i do meet him i dont know if i can control myself but i dont want to get hurt which i know i will cuz i have to come home then still talk to him like before and know hes still doing all the other girls and thats gunna kill ...!!! just thinking about it now makes me want to cry... god i just dont know what to do im going to meet this guy the guy im madly inlove with and the one ive tlked to for 3 years now and be like um i cant do this and run off or do it and regret it or not do it and regret it im just so confused... what should i do??? please if anyone has any ideas please help i dunno this guy is just so confusing he calls be his girl says i love you but then tells me he dosnt think he could be faithful and i desirve beter WHY DO I LOVE THIS GUY??? ok well im gunna shut up bye all |
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| so hey all whats up HAPPY JUNE!  how is everyone? good i hope! i feel old lol 15 days till graduation and 25 till my birhday the big 18 baby!!! woo hoo and its officaly june cuz i saw a june bug  so yup thats whats up with me... and i got 2 months and 5 days till NY baby!!! lol im a dork but its awesome im so happy summer is almost here june here we come!!! bubyes! |
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| im just sick of my life all of it everything no matter what happens or what i do something worse always adds on and when i do be selfish and shut out the rest of the world that makes me even more depressed because just ugh im sick of life and i wish that God/the higher power that runs this mess would take me in my sleep one night but it never happens
so im sick of being strong and im sick of everything so i wish it would just end but don't worry im not going to kill myself anytime soon i just wish i could vanish for a little while and be somewhere i want to be for once and be happy and not have to worry about weather or not im going to be in the hospital tomorrow or if they're going to be doing the surgery or not and if they do will it work and if it doesn't there's a chunk of my brain gone. And id like to keep that...
then even if i get over that i look at my mom ya me and her haven't had the best relationship but i see her crying almost every night and praying the rosary what am i supposed to say im sorry i don't mean to or how my dad is always hey u ok u ok u ok and there's always looking over my shoulder im never alone i don't know what to do so im going to sit here and cry into a pillow and feel pathetic. and wish i was being held and that this wasn't happening and that my biggest problem was that i cant go to prom ... ya but i don't dream any more that's what's up in my life. |
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| - i dont think im gunna be posting much on here anymore if anyone has a myspace site and wants to see me look up dolly20000@aol.com or else heres the link. http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=1603312&Mytoken=20050319195322 so thats that o and fear_may_cry my name is tracy i go (well kinda its a long story) to sonora highschool but ya thats me |
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