Okay, can I just say? I HATE SMOKING! I just have been getting so angry about it lately. It's like its this socially acceptable form of suicide. I just get so angry of it being flaunted in my face. It is so disrespectful. Its like if someone tried to kill my father, and you were friends with that person. You know, it is very true that it is everyone's own right to ruin their own life. All of the people that I know that choose that, that is their right. But when it comes to my family, it just makes me want to explode. I remember stealing my Dad's ciggarettes when I was 15, so that I could cut them up into peices. It was my way of stopping him. Of course I could not make him do it, but I just felt my heart bleeding in pain that he did not love me enough to stop. That is how I feel now. I can not belive that the person I love with all of my heart, after seeing what my Dad did to our family, does not love me enough to stop smoking. I feel angry and hurt once again. I have total aquaintances who WILL NOT smoke around me, without me even asking them to, because they want to respect my feelings. I guess not everyone feels that I deserve that much respect.

According to thetruth.com

These are the facts. They've been researched. They've been proven. They are free of opinion, propaganda, fillers, additives, preservatives, cancer-causing agents, and artificial sweeteners.

It's pure information about the tobacco industry and its products. It's what truth delivers. What you do with it is up to you.

1. Every 10 seconds, someone dies from using a tobacco product. 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi...
    
2. Tobacco companies make a product that kills 1,200 people every day. Yankee Stadium seats, what 57,545 or so? So that's about two-and-a-half months' worth of deaths right there - if you count the players.
    
3. The product they sell kills more people than AIDS, murder, suicide, fires, alcohol and all illegal drugs COMBINED.
    
4. About 3,000 people who made the choice not to smoke die every year in America from lung cancer they got while breathing in other people's smoke...
   

So I had a better day today. I don't know what it is but i just don't know how to read Bill here lately. He was as sweet as a lamb when I went in after being all frustrated that he was being cold and distant. He woke up and kissed me very sweetly and we had some just us time.

Now I just can't really sleep because I think I may be a little sick, like a little head cold ear-achy thing. I just hope the bladder infection thing is not coming back because I keep having to pee. 

I have just been inspired for a new project. I heard this new song that Bill was playing for his dad today, and I wanted to use it to create a short documentary/montage about Dad's cancer and recovery. The song is actually going to be the background music and them to the video too. It just touched me so much. It says exactly how me and the family want Dad to know that we can hold him through this. I want to tell his story and let him know we love him so much. I want it to say that it is okay to hurt, but God and our family will pull us through this. I really want to see if I can put it together at Olivet on the Avid editing machines if I can use their equiptment. Read the lyrics and see.

"You can count on me" by Default

I know that life ain't always good to you.
I've seen exactly what it’s put you through
Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you
You got to thinking there was no way out
You started sinking and it pulled you down
It may be tough you've to get back up
Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me
To hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart
Well you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me
To hold you till that feeling is gone

I wonder why nobody's waiting on you
I'd like to be the one to pull you through your darkest times
I'd love to be the light that finds you
I see a silver lining on your cloud
I'll pick you up whenever you fall down
Just take my hand and I will help you stand
Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is
Gone so you can live today
Seems so long to yesterday
Keep on counting on me to carry you till you carry on
Carry on