Hey Hey...I'm finally updating...its a miracle! I don't know why I let this thing go for so long...I was always so BAD at keeping diaries and journals when I was younger...

But anyways...enough stupid rambling...I have serious updates to write about...life in Peabody is going ok...working 2 jobs...going to school full-time...its a ton of fun! I am transferring to yet another school...which seemed like a good idea but now I'm really rethinking it...I mean...I'm still gonna go...but its not working out like I planned...and we all know that I'm a control freak who HAS to plan! The problem lies in the fact that the school I'm transferring to has limited housing on campus and because its smack dab in the middle of Boston, I can't really afford an apartment...so I'm left with the one option that I didn't want to take and that is commuting into Boston everyday for classes.  It will definitely be an experience...taking the T or the commuter rail everyday...but I can't say I'm looking forward to it!

I just feel like no matter what I do...I can't get it right...first I was gonna go to WSU...then I wanted to come home...and now I wanna move to Boston and of course I somehow fucked it up. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life...for gods sake...I'm only 20 years old...how are we supposed to figure this shit out...I look at my friend Ryin's 2 year old son and WISH I could still be that age...don't get me wrong...I like being this age too...but I'm getting sick of responsibilities and working everyday and being a grown up is not all that much fun! I just keep fucking things up...I wonder when am I gonna get it right? How many chances do I get?

And now that I've gone on and on...the holidays are fast approaching and with every decoration that I am forced to hang up I can feel the depression setting in...this will be my first christmas EVER without my grandmother...and I can hear people saying to me...well at least you got to know her...not everyone gets to meet their grandparents...etc...but she was a HUGE part of my life...I grew up at her house...I was so close to her that I told her things that my best friends and even my parents didn't know...she was my buddy...and to think that I won't be going to her apt. this year to decorate for her...or buy her cards at Hallmark...I can't help but not want to celebrate this year...I'm just so NOT in the mood for christmas...I'll go through the motions...but the holiday spirit is just not there.

And now that I'm crying...I think its time to end this post...not that anyone will read it anyways...and in my ever sarcastic ways...Happy Holidays everyone!

I'm so sick of being alone...I need someone to cuddle with...I've been single for so long I can't remember the last time that I was part of a couple. This is probably the worst time to be deciding all this since I am trying to deal with my grandmother dying...but I feel like I can only talk to people about it for so long. I need someone to listen to me...and care...and be there to give me a hug once in a while...I need the comfort of being with someone again...and I feel so shallow for thinking that...but I just need it...as John Mayer would say..."I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here."

The saddest thing is that there is a certain someone that I wish I could spend more time with...I don't necessarily want to be in a relationship with him...but I wouldn't mind the occasional hookup and the way he makes me feel.  I laugh and stop thinking about the things that are bringing me down and that's what I really need right now...but I don't want to scare him off either...I don't want him to think that I am gonna chain him down...I just wanna spend some time with him and hang out and stop thinking so much...I've always wanted to get to know him better, and maybe now is the time to do that.

Well now that I have gone on and on about this guy...and hopefully he doesn't read this damn weblog...I don't really know what to do...at least I got it all out and now I don't have to think as much anymore...any ideas?

"Dreams, ideas, and plans not only are an escape, they give me purpose, a reason to hang on." -- Steven Patrick Callahan

I promise to post something new soon...I can't believe how much life sucks right now! But as long as I put this on here then I will remember to write something meaningful!

I think I might actually miss WSU...how crazy is that?

Hey Kids...well since Truckee seems to be dying for me to update this damn thing-I will!

Well some things have changed since I moved back to good ol Peabody but some have also stayed the same.

The new house is great and I'm working 2 jobs currently and going to nite school so I can graduate from the community college and move on to Suffolk University in the heart of Boston! Let's see....what else? I hang out with the same group of girls although I have gotten together with some of my old friends from high school that I kind of lost touch with...my friend Carissa turns 22 tomorrow so we will be out partying it up for that! :)

Hmmmmm....my mom is still feeling really good and my grandmother is ok...still on the oxygen after the lung cancer but she is in remission!

Ryin and the baby are doing well...although she is starting to get on my nerves with all the damn favors she keeps asking of me...but we all know that I can never say NO!

Well to get to the important stuff there are no new guys to report...Someday I will find Mr Right...but I would settle for Mr Right Now!!! haha

Ok I guess that wasn't as funny as I thought.

Well the girls and I go out to Dunks...for those of you who don't know that is Dunkin Donuts...just about every nite when I get out of class...by the way NITE SCHOOL SUCKS!...and we end up driving all around the surrounding cities because there is just nothin else to do at that time of night! So I guess my life really isn't that interesting rite now...my bestest buddy Joanne is coming to visit very soon though...so I will get to take some time off from work and school will be over by then...so I can enjoy her company and then have the rest of the summer to work my ass off! YAY :(

Well, to anyone who actually reads this...I have to say that there really are certain things that I kinda miss about Pullman even tho I don't want to admit it.  I realized the other nite that there will never be another time driving to and from Moscow on Airport Road with Linds and Jess and chillin in the apt with everyone and smoking butts outside Stephenson and our Cougar Crest porches...I think back and there are nites that I will never forget!

I just want anyone who reads this to know that Pullman did make an impact on my life...and for good or worse...I appreciate every second of it...even the REALLY crappy times.

Its been hard to stay in touch because of this psychotic schedule but maybe once I settle down and let myself relax I can get some phone convos in!

I hope to update again soon...Luv-Boston :)

WOW...can anybody else believe how long it has been since I wrote on this thing?! I don't even think people read it anymore...which is pretty understandable! well thought I would just jot something down for the hell of it! I'll write more soon I promise!