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.I'm just a teenage	dirtbag baby.

MemoriesOFyesterday

Name: Abbey
Country: United States
State: Virginia
Metro: Harrisonburg
Birthday: 6/29/1988
Gender: Female

Interests: Music. Hanging out with friends. Singing. Photography. Making short film. Skating. Goofing off. Writing. Massanetta. Road Trips. Holding Hands. Hugs. Amazing people. Phone calls. New Friends. Driving.
Expertise: Being random!
Occupation: Student

Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:

theradhero

Member Since: 12/16/2003

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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sometimes you just can'ts stop.

That's not normal.
And it's not fair. To anyone.
I'm afraid they will find out.
I'm afraid I will be found out.

It hurts.
They both want something that they can't have.
But it would feel so right, otherwise.

It's been so long.
Thanksgiving.
You should have never gone.
They should never have made plans.

They say that they're still friends,
but you don't think it'll quite be the same.
You hope so much though.
You hope.

They probably won't talk to you for awhile.
Til who knows when.
Til more people are upset with you.
Til who knows when...

3:31 PM - 4 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It's taking over me.

People do things.
Or say things.
And act like it never happened.

Now they completely ignore you.
Then they'll once again blame it on you.
Because you know...it's ALWAYS your fault.

They'll tell you that they don't really think it will ever work out.
Or ever would.
What were you al ever thinking in the first place?
It just felt right saying.
But come on, really?

Of course, you will believe anything you think is true.
You felt it.
You thought they felt it.
You knew something was going on.
You knew they were trying to put the blame on you.

Ah. I'm cold.
And I'm stressed.
And I need to go upstairs and lay down or watch a movie or something.

9:19 PM - 5 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

We all have secrets.

So it's already mid-July.
Mom had her birthday today. [July 14th]
I'm pretty much ready to go back to school.
I'm anxious. nervous. excited.

Maybe something exciting will happen this year.
But not turn out to go sour.
That already happened...

My summer just really isn't going anywhere.
It's stuck.
I haven't been getting a lot of hours at work,
but I've managed to pick up a bunch of side jobs.
Dog sitting this week.
Three evening next week child care at Trinity.
First week in August, child care at Massanetta.
Mid-August; house sitting for a week.

So that should get me some extra money to place in the bank.

I just finished watching United States of Leland a little while ago.
It made me sad.
One thing happens which creates thoughts which creates even more thoughts.
And then unexplainable events occur.

Makes me wish I had a better memory.
I'm horrible at telling stories.
Once I start them, I feel like I need to add every little detail in and then...
realize that I'm telling things completely wrong or backwards.
And so I have to go back and fix it and correct myself.

I also feel extremely pathetic when I have no life.
I don't have friends who call me to hang out.
I need a hobby, but can't seem to find one that fits me.

I just wish I had money sometimes.
Enough.
Enough to do things that I want to do.
Travel.
Go visit people who don't live near me.
Gas is practically $4.00 a gallon,
how do you expect anyone to wanna go anywhere?
Or do anything?

I wanna be surrounded by people who want to be around me.
I just don't always get that feeling.

Rachel is going to Boston in a few weeks for the year.
For some reason, it's better between us.
As opposed to when she had her own place and was over all the time.

She now has more of a life than I do.
Weird how she would always be the one complaining how she had no friends.
Nothing to do.
Look at me Rachel, look at me.

I'm not very nice.
People get on my nerves so much.
That I tend to say things, but I guess they come out sounding a lot meaner than they should.

Today I had the worst luck with just about everything.
This morning when I went over to feed/let the dogs out,
I get this great big surprise of runny poop ALL OVER THE CARPET!
Took me about half an hour to actually clean up.
That did not make me very happy.

I went to work today.
Got there around snack time.
Took Cullen out of his high chair and held him a minute.
When I put him down to go play, I realized I had his cereal bar all on my shirt.
Yeah, that was great.
Now I've got a hard spot on my shirt where that was. haha.

Came home to feed the dogs once again and one of them had vommed on the kitchen floor.
Did I ever tell anyone that I really don't like surprises?

Dinner tonight was excellent.
Went to pour myself a glass of iced tea.
Took a chug, and BAM!
EW THAT IS DISGUSTING!
Go over to the sink, spit a little bit.
And realized that I was basically drinking the OCEAN.

Mistakenly our salt and sugar got mixed...
I felt like I was drinking salt water!
Yeah, it was not pleasant.

Needless to say, we got rid of the mix along with the great big pitcher of salty iced tea.

Now it's afer two am and here I am in front of a stupid keyboard and screen.
I need to go to sleep.

I've just really needed to write recently.
I also need to clean more of my room.
Unclutter things in the closet.
Get rid of JUNK.
I'm such a packrat though. It sucks.

I'm still scared for the future sometimes.
Of what it brings.
Of the people who are supposed to be in it.
And who aren't.

I wish I believed in signs or something.
And I wish I could interpret dreams.
Last night I had a dream that I saw some crazy fires...
And called the police, but realized I wasn't giving them great information.

Maybe dreams don't really mean anything at all.
They're just things that come along because of something that happened the day before or whatnot.
I wouldn't know.

I'm not a genius in any field of knowledge.
I wish I could remember things better.
Like I said before, a better memory.
Like I wish that I could have remembered all the Spanish that I learned first semester of last year.
Or all the things I learned back in grade school- like History.
I'm going to be in a US History class this fall and not know a thing because I have the worst memory ever and can't remember the easiest things that everyone should already know.
It's embarrassing.

Just makes me feel like the dumb girl.

Sometimes I wish I just knew things.
Lots of things.
Sometimes I wish I knew things that only some people knew.
Sometimes I wish people felt more about me than I did for them.
Or maybe that we felt the same about each other and knew that things would work out for us eventually.
When the time is right.

You're away.
I'm away.
We could make it work.

My faith is always a little too strong when it comes to that.
The other person just doesn't have enough of it.
I wish I could give it to them to even things out.
Then we'd be fine.
I wish people weren't afraid of commitment.
And I was better with letting go.

Speaking of the past,
I'm fairly over it all.
I don't miss you.
I feel like we were never together.
I just don't think I'll ever understand your reasoning.
My question will always be, "How do you stop loving someone so quickly?"

Am I getting too deep tonight?
I think I might be.
Not like anyone reads this anyway.

Good night.

2:19 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Sunday, June 29, 2008

IT'S MY 20TH BIRTHDAY!

I am no longer a teen...

CSSmithVT (12:10:04 AM): happy birthdayyyyyyyy!

jofizzle6: happy bdayyyy omgggggg
Me: haha thank youuuu!!
jofizzle6: yayyyyy ur 20

1:25 AM
jofizzle6: birthday girlllll even tho it was yeterday ur still the birthday girl to me

jordanakajdizzle: HAPPY BIRTHDAYISH
Harris: thank you!!!
Harris: now it's over.
Harris: but if you were in like, california or something, it's still be my birthday!!
jordanakajdizzle: hey i commemorated your birthday
jordanakajdizzle: by going skydiving
jordanakajdizzle: in your honor
jordanakajdizzle: so its all good
jordanakajdizzle: feel great

Mark Banisack: happy birthday!

Alex Sams: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

runninchic1523 (3:03:07 PM): happpy birthday loverrrrr

C M Oor EX (2:20:04 PM): get outta town its ur birthday?

Auto Response from theradhero (2:20:05 PM): happy 20th birthday to meee!

im/text/call.

C M Oor EX (2:20:09 PM): happy freakin birthday dude

C M Oor EX (2:20:28 PM): u havin a birthday party

C M Oor EX (2:20:31 PM): slumber party?!

C M Oor EX (2:20:33 PM): im so there

theradhero (2:21:43 PM): totalllyyyyy slumber party. i expect you here! haha.

theradhero (2:21:47 PM): just having a few friends over for a dinner.

C M Oor EX (2:34:46 PM): good work dude

C M Oor EX (2:34:54 PM): did u get ur presents yet

C M Oor EX (2:35:38 PM): well

C M Oor EX (2:35:40 PM): nice talkin to ya

C M Oor EX (2:35:48 PM): ha have a happy birthday gail

C M Oor EX (2:36:00 PM): i hope u get all the presents that u want

C M Oor EX (2:36:04 PM): plus a pony

theradhero (2:36:18 PM): sorry bout that i was cleaning up some of my room!

theradhero (2:36:22 PM): no presents yet. lol

theradhero (2:36:27 PM): but thank you! <IMG height=15 src=

" src="aolbart:/1024/id/2B000001E4/3A2D29" unselectable="on"> i really want that pony!

FLstCRL18 (10:53:06 AM): HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ABBEEEEYYYY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU TONIGHT!

Auto Response from theradhero (10:53:06 AM): happy 20th birthday to me!

im/text/call.

[<3.]

FLstCRL18 returned at 12:48:47 PM.

FLstCRL18 went away at 12:49:04 PM.

theradhero (1:01:34 PM): awww, thank you casey leech!! <IMG height=15 src=

" src="aolbart:/1024/id/2B000001E4/3A2D29" unselectable="on">

Auto Response from FLstCRL18 (1:01:35 PM): HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABILOO!!!!!!!

FLstCRL18 (4:09:39 PM): i'll probably be there around 530-6

Auto Response from theradhero (4:09:39 PM): happy 20th birthday to meeee!

im/text/call!!

theradhero (4:15:23 PM): alrighty, you better get a move on girrrrl. haha.

Auto Response from FLstCRL18 (4:15:23 PM): HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBEY!

1:29 AM - 15 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Sunday, June 15, 2008

oh yeah, it's father's day...

Tomorrow thru June 27th, I will be gone at Massanetta working with the middle school conference.
For some reason I am kind of nervous,
but it should be fun.
And different.
Because I'll be one of the adults, rather than a student enabler.

I hope I gain a new perspective on something.
Or learn something new about my life or myself in general.

I just get so flustered so easily.
So annoyed.
I hate it, but that's just how I am.

I wish people would get friends.
Or just stay where they live.

I'm just being stubborn, I suppose.

I talked with Caroline last evening.
She got a job working with AIDS patients in Zambia, Africa and starts in September.
I am going to try and visit in August to see her and LA and Hollywood and...stuff.

Oh yeah, it's Father's Day.......
Ken's brother in law died today of a sudden heart attack.
I can only imagine what his family must be going through.
I don't think I'm prepared for when someone unexpectedly leaves my life anytime soon.
I feel like I could be such a better person,
but it's myself who chooses not to.
I choose not to speak with my dad as much as I want.
We could have such a great relationship, but I'm not letting it happen.

I could forget about my sisters coming over here all the time.
And get over it.
But I choose to let it bother me.
Why?...

I can't wait to catch up with Jarrett these next few weeks and tell him what's been going on in my life.
He's like a father/brother to me.
And I love him for that.

I need to finish cleaning my room [finish? hahaha.] and pack for the next two weeks!

4:38 PM - 9 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

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