This is the new story you've been promised. I hope you enjoy, I did not
enjoy writing it at all. Life is getting darker right now and I need
something, anything to feel better. Alone.
The Drive
The last words she said to me danced
off her lips with trained poise and ease. Those lips, if I never was to see her
again in my lifetime, I'd still remember those lips, shining even in the
darkness. I'd heard this speech a time or two, but never directed towards
myself and, to tell the truth, never expected it to dig so badly into my gut.
“Look...Tobias, you're one of my
best friends and I will always love you in that way, but I have Rufio
and I'm happy when I'm with him. You're a great guy and I'm sure God has that
perfect person out there for you, just give it time." Kiley knew how to
ease the pain with her voice, but in her defense she really didn't want to hurt
me. “Besides, Toby we'll always be best friends."
She then pulled up next to me and
gave me one of those "Kiley" hugs that just about squeeze the life
out of me.
“Well... I just thought I'd get all
that off my chest. Ya know." A deep sigh and a look down at my watch is my
calling card for needing to go home. “Well, I have to go, so maybe I'll see you
tomorrow. I'll call you. Bye."
“Bye, and I'm sorry, I really am...
drive safe!"
“Bye."
I quickly got in the car and,
luckily, didn't stall it. Damn stick shifts, just so much extra work. When I
got the car, I was so excited to learn a new skill that all the generations
before me had to endure, but this was a skill of fun and games. This is like
smallpox, sure, it's horrible others had to endure it, but luckily my
generation will not live in fear. Fear of the stick shift. I back out of driveway
and ease onto the road. It always seems the road home is paved with so many
bumps you can't seem to endure them all, so I pull over and think.
“How can she love him? He's a big
brainless gorilla. He has about as much personality as a wet sponge."
“Because he works out and cares
about his body, that's why she loves him."
“What do you know; I have just as
much to offer, I'm quite the catch."
“You keep telling yourself that and
maybe it'll come true." He chuckles to himself and puts his feet up on the
dashboard. “A bird in the hand is worth two in bush, as they say."
"What does that have to do with
anything? That saying doesn't even make sense."
“Well you just have to two girls
somewhere out there for you, but you have one right in your hands, what's more
valuable?"
“Shut up! I just want to get home
and get some sleep."
“Suit Yourself."
The car clunks into life and the
lights guide me home. The key to the back door has been sticking lately and
I've been meaning to do something about it, but I'm a very forgetful person and
these things just fade away like discarded memories. The door silently slides
back and I lock it behind me, in the ceremony closely monitored by my father.
The pantry is just a short jaunt until I reach the other door that leads to the
main chamber of the house.
“Have a good night?" Comes
groggily out of my parents room and I just reply same way I do every night.
“Yeah."
“Thanks for being home on time.
Goodnight."
“Goodnight."
I grab something to drink from the
fridge and head into my room. I flick on the light and kick off my shoes; the
room comes alive at the sight of light and cleans off all the shadows that
dance on the walls while you leave.
“Ya’ know Alex; you really choked
out there tonight. If I were you, I would have definitely would not
have told her that you never stopped thinking of her and ' You’re with me all
my waking hours.' I mean, how hokey is that. You should have just played it
cool." He chuckles at me again and cracks open the soda, takes a sip and
sets it back down. “Now, you could have just let her assume that and just told
her you thought of her a lot. See, how that works, less stalker, more
romantic."
“You don't understand. I thought she
got me, I thought she understood how I thought. She should have known I wasn't
being creepy I just wanted tell her how I felt. It was eating me up
inside."
I can't
seem to get the CD player to start, so I just flick on the computer and the
Frankenstein-in-a-box jumps to life. “It just depresses the hell out me that
she loves this Rufio guy. Who dates a guy named after a character from a Disney
movie sequel. It's like naming your kid Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi. I thought she
was different."
“Well, like I always say, ' Women
are inheritly evil, ya' can't trust um''. Look, just let it go. There are
plenty of other fish in the sea. Remember a bird in the hand is worth two in
the bush." He coughs out another laugh and takes a drink.
" ' God has taken my bird and
my bush. I have no bird I have no bush.' “I laugh once in this night of
let-downs. I love to quote movies new or old, it's a joke me and my friends
have. It's weird how your brain makes connections as your thinking about
things; I suddenly remembered once when Kiley and I talked up on the hill.
“Sometimes you just feel like the
darkness is creeping in on you and it taints all your thoughts. It's the nights
that I'm most depressed. I just can't escape myself when I'm depressed. All my
thoughts turn to darkness."
“Why are looking for happiness in
girls so badly. Girls will bring you nothing but trouble."
“I don't know, I'm never happy
anymore, I feel alone all the time and I'd like just to know that I cared about
someone and they cared just as much about me. To know that they think of you
while your gone. To know you’re missed."
“Maybe you need to look
somewhere else for happiness."
“Where...?"
“I don't know...”
The night was so still, and I stared
out at the small town spread out in front of me. Kiley was holding me and I was
holding her, things were so bad, but with her there was always that sunlight
peaking out from behind the clouds. I wanted nothing more than to do something,
anything. Just to react, a kiss, a hug, something, not just standing
intertwined in the evening.
When you sit at home you go crazy
and the world spins around you at a million miles and hour, and you're lost in
the mess. I'm not a hero anymore. I'm just another teenager who hates
everything, because I'm learning that there is no control in life. And one day
I'll never understand why my kid so mopey all the time and I'll just blame it
on hormones. Because remembering is just another way to bring back the pain.
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