So....im going to write a poem...why because ive been wanting to write a song but dont feel like it...and itll pass the time of waiting for her....hmmm...this will be a good one too...ive been through alot lately....so this might be a tear jerker...but deff emo as hell

Here we go

Here in the summer, I  stand in the waves

Tears fall to the small crystals, for the sea has taken my love away

The tide consumed her, and pulled her in

I tried to save her but the more i tried the further out shed swim

So here i stand cold and wet, rmemebering memories i will never forget

How she saved my life, and was the only one who cared

And she was always so strong when i was so scared

Scared this would happen, as it has

Ill never forget her, she was my last

For soon i will brung this all to an end

And let this sea consume me as well, the best frined

So i can be home, where i was meant to be

By her side, in this sea

i have no idea why i wrote it...it was off the top of my head so it was raw emotion....alot of meaning in it....started tearing up myself as i wrote it

enjoy

even thogh no one will read it

Im...confusing...im my worst enemy...im unstable...im hypocritical...im complicated...im insane...im lost...im self loathing...im....im...i dont know what i am

Three sleepless nights
This isn't how its supposed to be.
But you are so good at
taking your time to get back to me.

I will wait for you forever,
if you would just ask me.
I thought that I could change you
but you changed me.

It doesn't feel right,
holding someone else's hand.
Together on phone line,
and living at two opposite ends.

It scares me to think,
that you could find takers other than me
and better than me.

But your head is elsewhere,
and I’m talking enough for both of us.
When will you see it's not (it’s not) so easy for me
you’re careless, and whispered, insulting, and bruising.

And I thought that you said
things were improving.
These laces are untied,
but my feet are still walking away.

(I fall from you eyes, your eyes I trusted, you said forever)
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can still be...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
(Don't say that we can still be friends)

Erase my name from this page.

How can you take all these days
(What is inside of me what have I done?)
and throw them away
(Is this the only way that you will notice me?)
as I sit here waiting for you (for you)
(Dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)

I stay up nights
(If you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky
(Why can't you look at me can you only see?)
knowing what my dreams can take away
(One side, your side, can take away)
Walk away from me.
This night is done.

...Failing...

I....dont know what to say...I cant find words to describe how I feel...I fell like I will never be strong enough...Maybe I really do let my emotions get the best of me...of course I do..I always do...but with out them I wouldnt be me...

I dont know i feel like Im losing, failing, falling miserably...and im scared to death of it

I cant win this...im too fucking emotional to...and here i used to think it was a strength

But its only a weekness

I dont want to lose so ill keep fighting...cause i have to give it my all

Tie me up with sheets, and hang me from your tree
I'll stay out here all night, it doesn't even matter
As long as I can see, into your room and feel
Like I'm inside your life, I'll follow you forever

Don't cut me down just yet, I'll make things right again
Don't close your blinds on me, on me...

I will never recover from this
I will never believe in this again
And I can never go back to the way I used to be before this started

The snow won't go away, My nose runs down my face
No one sees me here, It doesn't even matter
And every step I take, I stay in the same place
I can't begin to start again why can't I just be perfect?

I will never recover from this
I will never believe in this again
I can never go back to the way I used to be before this started

I will never recover from this
I will never believe in this again
I can never go back to the way I used to be before this started

You see my ghost and you'll never forget it
My face is as white as the snow that haunts me
Your windows my door and nothing can stop me
Sometimes betrayal can make you happy

Don't cut me down just yet, I'll make things right again
Don't close your blinds on me, on me...

I will never recover from this
I will never believe in this again
I can never go back to the way I used to be before this started

I will never recover from this
I will never believe in this again
I can never go back to the way I used to be before this started

Hello world

time to update.

Today was a good day I woke up in a good mood so that pretty much set it right there. But what made it really great was on the car ride home I started to think about...well the history of Leslie and I...and it just put me in a really great mood plus I had a song that reminds me of her on repeat in my car. though my mood kinda took a plunge during 4th period when I told the teacher to try whispering instead of yelling and see how much quicker the class got quiet. She gave me a death glare for that. but Leslie (as always) brightened my mood again at lunch...but then I had to go to choir...no correction "TROUVERES" which actually wasn't that bad because we really didn't do anything so i just listened to music and drew...I like my drawing so far its like all of my other ones but I like it all the same... then we had choir which I've kind of given up on so I drew an that class...I sang of course but I didn't know what I was singing or why and honestly I didn't care...for 7th period I sat in the choir room for twenty minutes doing nothing and then went to go see Leslie...I wish i didn't sooner instead of wasting twenty minutes alone.

So now for the other stuff I put on here....which is less happy...because its what goes on in my mind because its a dark place and because I overthink about everything. I guess i'm posting it just to let it out now since I cant talk on the phone with the one person I can tell absolutely everything to. So I'm listening to Mr Brightside on repeat while typing this whole thing. The words in this song are genius and something about it relates to me at the moment...I hate getting jealous I get so frustrated when I do...and honestly its more of a new emotion for me because...well in the past I've had nothing to be jealous of really  but...i don't know...I cant stop what Am jealous of, nor do I want to...so I will learn to appreciate it in all due time...when that time is I cant say....but give me a little while and it will happen.....I want to be perfect for her...I really do...and I'm glad she tells me whats wrong. thats more of a positive in some odd sense...My mind is torturous in so many ways...honestly I expect the worst of everything. I have realized this a long time ago I don't know Iv changed alot now especially from how I used to be and all of this negativity...I'm ready to let go of it....I'm ready to be happy all of the time....because its still I'm only happy when I'm with her in some way. And I love that and It will never stop. But I want her to help me to be happy almost all of the time...but I know it can happen because I'm already a million times happier than I used to be...Its funny Id change everything for her if shed only ask it...i really would do anything for her...this is how my mind functions its very cluttered and random thoughts...but I'm sure everyone's mind is like that...i know one way to stay happy almost all of the time I just have to think about her and how perfect she is like I am now and like I have been all day. I don't mean to frustrate people honestly I don't see how I do it...its not like I purposely do it wanting to torment people. But thats one reason people don't like me that much i either frustrate them or annoy them and I don't know how I i do either one of those. And I'm sorry when I do. just know I'm going to try my hardest not to frustrate people anymore....I can be so much better than what I am...and I am going to be...I'm not going to change any part of my personality that people like, but i'm changing the negative things people don't like...its time for a new me, I'm tired of my past persona, I'm going to be so much better, and I promise I will be stronger. Hopefully you can solve the riddles of words I've put in here...if not...well...try harder...don't give up....I've done that enough in my life...and i'm always here for you if you cant figure me out...just a phone call away.

I love you Leslie

There is only one word to describe how my day was, and no matter how cheesy it sounds I have to use it

Today was PERFECT

Today was Leslie and I's 6th month anniversary and honestly these past 6 months have been the best times of my life...and Im looking forward to seeing the rest of my life like this...

So today I couldnt stop smiling for many reasons I was just so happy today. I was happy because Leslie and I have now been dating for half a year which is the 3rd longest relationship Ive ever been in (and is getting close to being the 2nd) And then every time I saw Leslie today I just got the biggest smile on my face and I couldnt stop staring at her. Why you may ask? Because I love her that much I really do. I started writing a poem today and so far its turning out to be amazing..I might post it on here but I doubt it...anyways today was just perfect at school everytime I saw Leslie my day got better and better and I couldnt stop thinking of her and just how much I really really do love her and how she is everything to me and how perfect life is. (as I always do)

Then tonight got better, I envited Leslie over to my house for dinner and a movie. We had some of the best pasta in the world (props to mom) and salad and..well your basic Italian meal...We liked it so much we both had seconds haha! We watched the movie From Hell, which I agree isnt the greatest movie to watch on a half year anniversary but we couldnt really think of anything else. After that we started watching Fantastic Four but Leslie decided it was time to go, and even though I really didnt want her to leave, (I never do) I agreed and we left...the car ride home was my favorite part...on the way home she fell asleep on my shoulder and I just looked at her every now and then and held her close to me and was sure to drive really carefully. And in that time I could just feel the love we have for each other. How vibrant it is...I honestly realized she is the one.

She is the one Im going to be with forever, This love we have for each other will never end, no matter how far of a distance we are set at our love is so strong it can out last anything. She is everything I have ever wanted and more, she is everything I need to survive, and she makes me the happiest I can possibly be. I will never leave her. And I know she wont leave me...and even if we were in some backwards reality and we did grow apart...or whatever would happen....you can bet your life that I would fight like hell to win her back...Ive never said that before....Honestly I dont know haow to say or what to do to prove my true love to her...but I try my hardest and even when I do Its never enough. Just know this world I Love Leslie with all of my heart, my soul, my whole being. She is the best thing that has ever happend to me. And I will always love her. She is my best friend, my companion, my lover, my hope, my courage, my concious, She is my life

I love you Leslie

Happy 6 months my love

And here's to a million more

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're My Survival, You're My Living Proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life


And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life


The greatest fan of your life.