You know what really grinds my gears? 

This Lindsay Lohan. Eh? Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits...jumpin' around there on stage half naked...with your little outfits. You're up there jumpin' around and I'm just sitting here with my beer. So, you know, what am I supposed to do? What do you- What do you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're tryin'- Why are you...leapin' around there...throwin' those things all up, um, over there in my face? Huh? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want! Well, I'll tell you what you want. You want nothin'. You want nothin'. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone...and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is just bogus.

You know what else grinds my gears?

Nobody's come up with a new priest-and-rabbi joke, in like 30 years. You know? I mean, ok. Um, um- A priest and rabbi go into the supermarket and, uh, the priest..wants to buy a ham, and the rabbi says..."Uh, I cant eat it. It's forbidden. Couldn't eat it. Not allowed" Pigs are like superheros to them. Is it perfect? No. I-I don't see you comin' up with anything.

and another thing.........Parents who let their kids do anything they want. I hate that. You know? Like, when I'm in a restaurant right tryin' to enjoy my dinner...and little baby junior son-of-a-bitch over there is screaming his head off. Parents need to control their kids.

and that is what really grinds my gears.