| I'm not really sure how to feel right now. This has been a series of the greatest days of my life and the worst.
A lot happened this summer. I got to travel (within country) more this summer than any other, and spent most of my time with the greatest people I know.
Its so weird to be out of high school. I look back at pictures and talk to people, and its like it never happened. That somehow I just ended up in college. Its just a very bizarre thought that something I went through for 4 years, things that kept me up unitl daybreak and I worked my tail off for feel nonexistent. The only thing that feels the same are the people. I've made a lot of great friendships within the past year, and even the past few months that it is impossible to forget. I'm really lucky for the experiences I've had. I don't know what I would do without them.
Now, I feel like I'm just horribly stuck. I feel like |
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| i'm out of high school
still hasn't sunk in yet
ap tests are this week....eek
prom was beyond amazing.
i'm so incredibly lucky
life = awesome |
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| wow....things turn around so incredibly fast.
i'm really lucky  |
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| saturday.....man
i went to mrs. vawter's mom's funeral. that was pretty hard. you could just tell how much her family and friends loved her; she was an amazing person. the brother-in-law and niece that gave the eulogy did an amazing job...but it was so hard for them to do without getting too choked up. and the music....gosh when mrs. abdoe sang "ave maria"...amazing. i really hope their family pulls through alright.
then after the funeral i went to finish play pratice. from there i went to bottom dollar with dad and marcy, when i found out we had to put our dog abby down that day. abby's been with us for almost 6 years (sept. 17th) and she really has become part of the family. she's the one who keeps the kid in us at christmas when she tears apart her presents. she is a topic our whole family can actually talk about without fighting. and nothing can beat unconditional love, especially from her. so as you can tell, it was so hard to take her, but i had to go and be there with her.
now that she's gone the house feels so empty and i find myself looking around to see if somehow she'll walk around the corner. i dropped some food on the floor today and was so close to calling her to get it. and then when i saw charlie's dog this past evening....gosh i felt so stupid for the way i reacted. but being there with good people made my day so much better. friends are nice.
it is kind of appropriate that it snowed today; abby absolutely loved the snow.
miss you already, abby
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| i miss xanga. and i need to get some thoughts out.
hopes:
*to get into tufts with a good scholarship or get into civicus/umcp with a good scholarship. but not both because i don't know how i'll be able to choose between the two.
*to not let mr. i down. i feel like i've been so busy this year that i've really slacked off in band. i want to make him proud and give him the full respect that he deserves.
*to be at peace with myself
*that he'll do what needs to be done before its too late
fears:
*not letting go. caring too much and hurting too much. .
*loosing myself during college
*seeing pictures of my family/friends and not knowing who i'm looking at
*that things that need to be changed will stay the same
*regret
well, at this point i've decided not to go away for a year abroad. yes, i will have the opportunity when i'm in college. i've been thinking about going away since eigth grade, and now that i finally can i've decided not to. i want more than anything to go, but i know that i can't.
so in place, i'm going to go to NZ for a month this summer to voulenteer. at least i can get a little of the travel bug out of me then.
sorry if this doesn't make any sense at all. it is late and my thoughts are a bit jumbled. |
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