Stalked

Tonight... I dream of you,
Your eyes looking at me behind every corner,
Staring with the intent to murder,
Your eyes in rhythm, blinking with every beat of my heart...
I wanted to run away from you, but the further I ran...

Tonight... I dream of you,
Running away, from the fact, that I still love you,
Though it pains me, please get out of my head,

The love ended long ago, long ago,
Please stop stalking me,
The further I ran from you, the more I realized...
I realized that your omnipotent presence is inescapable.

Tonight... I dream of you.

Tonight… I hope… to escape you…

And move on with my life…

© C.J. Rivera

Drugged

I’m not good at anything,

Strike that… reverse that…

I’m good at not being good at anything,

Pieces of glass that serrate my flesh,

And pour out emotion,

Abandoning the heart, and replacing it with…

Dick Tracy was a strange comic character,

But I apologizing, I’m easily distracted… they call that ADD

Or whatever they call it to prescribe you a medication…

This is a conversation I choose to have with you.

Now listen,

I’m a bit slow, realizing I had someone who loved me

When she walked away.

When I thought being gothic meant wearing all black,

And liking “Nightmare before Christmas”.

Then again I was never popular…

I was living the American Dream…

Living alone, independent, drowning in sorrow,

Unable to connect to everyone, and anyone,

I was unique…How mundane my life is…

Hey now, stay still, you’re spinning

Let me confess this to you…

I hate you, and love you though…

Or was that,

I hate what I love, and I love what I hate…

Too many “I” in that sentence right?

I’m sorry was I supposed to pass this to you…

Or the one behind you?

C.J. Rivera

Today's Journal Entry: I don't care anymore...

I got my root canal today, and an indepth look at my jaw reallignment surgery. Apprantly everything gets realligned, meaning my facial looks change, and the doctor said, that not even my parents will recognize me, because it will change my face. The surgeons will fix it so it looks correct and nicest. IT seems nothing will be happening until my other root canal is done, and the dental maitinance. I just want it over with, and change, and yeah, self-esteem boosts rocks...

I went to my job then after the dental work to get my next dental appointment day off so that I can don't have to be begging to get a day off. Getting bitched out by my boss and then they wanted me to stay for this impromptu meeting. Fuck that shit, I don't care about the job enought. IF they suspend me, or fire me, fine... I'll go and relax, play video games. My life doesn't revolve around my job. Anyway, I'm drained. I'll talk more tomorrow.

Nuclear Family

I wanted just the white picket fence,

Just to be able to have the family dog,

And hold u forever,

Just to be the nuclear family…

Then it was 6am and I awoke,

The apartment leaks of sewer water,

Roaches blend in with a coffer stained carpet,

What if we were together, and meant to be?

Everything is constant reminder of our past…

Just like u did when I brought you flowers,

You’d throw them on the floor and jump in to arms,

I could’ve spent that money on nice porn,

Masturbating into the night.

I wanted that nuclear family,

To have the “I Love You”

Now I only feel relaxed when I have that climax,

From the two lesbians on the double dildo,

True love comes from the hand that feeds you…

© C.J. Rivera

Today's Journal Entry: "Been a Minute"

Holy shit... I haven't posted in 2 weeks. Is it that I have a life... no... but it has been a busy week. Around Sunday I developed this nasty little toothache.. and I thought I'd be able to sleep it off with some ambersol (tooth pain cream). I woke up on Monday with tooth pain like crazy... ok... it dissappeared mid-day. Woke up on tuesday with major pain, a splitting headache, and a mild fever. A "Triple Play", so I went with my father to the Dentist to get an appointment... and they schedule me for... May 12th.... hell no... and that night I couldn't sleep, and was up from 2am wednesday on. I was fed up, exhusted... tired... and I told my father I have to see the Dentist... and so I did... and I found out some major problems... and they all have the same root cause...

I have an overbyte... in simple terms, my lower jaw is in front of my upper jaw. Big no no... major problems can stem from it, and it seems I'm getting them 1 by 1. The major one being that pressure from biting isn't evenly distributed and so two teeth are taking a beating, and because of that, they've begun to decay. Thus causing my pain... luckily for me... both teeth were deemed salvageable by my dentists... at a cost. I have to get two root canals (destruction of the tooths nerves) this up coming Wednesday at 1:30 pm. At the cost of $700 per tooth... there goes my tax return. Whatever... I need to have this done... and my dentist told me I have to get Jaw Reallignment surgery soon, and that we'll discuss after the surgery and fillings.

On Tuesday I'm asking out a co-worker out. She's beautiful... and sweet... and sexy... and smart... and yeah...

*coughs* Moving on...

So yes, I'm alive people! Just my video games own my life now... I think God is jealous...

I don't want to be lonely anymore...

C.J. Rivera