| Well well look who finally broke down and decided to write in this bitch. I really cant believe i'm back at xanga, its been a loong fucking time. Why do i always come here when i feel lonely? good question. I guess this is the first time in like a month or whatever, dont really feel like snooping around in other peoples busniess. Just packing up to move back home for awhile.. My last final was today, sucked pretty bad. Its so lonely in the dorms now, noone is around, mike jones is in chicago, everyone i know is out of town and it sucks. I'm going to chicago dec. 29th for awhile, dont really want to come back here. I sometimes wish everything was back to the way it was, like lets say 2 years ago. When everyone got along, everyone still lived in fargo and everything was perfect. I think so far this year in college i let a few good ones get away from me, i should have pursued a little bit deeper. Overall i'm happy. christmas is coming up really fast, should be fun, no one to spend it with though...oooo well poor bradley, go fucking cry haha. Latley i've been spending alot of time with chelsea jason and troy. I do miss my other friends though kinda bad, again i wish it was back to the way it was. Depressing music doesnt help. Cant fight fate. I dont really know whats going to happen with me. I cant make myself sick anymore when i think about things so theres a plus. The big thing in life is loving yourself and being who you are before you can love anyone else or care for anyone, i think i finally found that within myself. I did more things for me than doing more things for others and ignoring how i really felt. Old flames will live on in a dark and cloudy sky, kind of like the weather right now come to think about it, but theres always somebodys shining face that shows through all the dark and cloudyness.
Some fucker stole my christmas lights and i'm fucking pissed off, fucking pot heads, thats all it is who live around me, losers. It makes no sense because if you steal them from my room and put them up in your room and i walk in, wouldnt i recognize them as my own. Wouldnt you have a broken nose the next second?
I feel as of 3 weeks ago that i am a completey new person at heart and at mind. Something got into me that i cant hide and it feels good. I had a breakthrough and it felt so right it couldnt have been wrong. The best part about life is not worrying or to have something in your mind that ticks at you like an explosive that's ready to go off at any second. Sometimes ending all forms of connection/communication is the best thing in the world. Its bittersweet, no other way to put it. I feel so rejuvinated and lively i almost thought about doing something i never drempted of doing. I think i've become more open and interested in deeper things than just your random bullshit of everyday life that is forgotten the next day or two. My past comes up randomly some times and i just think, whatever man, that was so minor who cares. Am i on some drugs or something, what has gotten into me, scary how much a person can change in a matter of little time. |
