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| yeah so haven't been on this xanga in a while. i wonder if i even have any subscribers left on here. anyway. i needed a break from my Senior Synthesis Paper (which is a 5-10 page paper plus a 12 page annotated bibliography.... its not fun.) i REALLY should be doing that since its due Friday and i've only got one page of my actual paper done, but hey thats what all-nighters are for right!? anywho i'd better get back to that because if i don't i might just die.
if anyone was crazy enough to read this feel free to leave a comment and i'll give you my new xanga or my facebook or my myspace or my AIM or something, just lemmie know if you want it!
<3 Christina
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| Man i'm so sick of Family. they never help me they only hurt me. i
can't take it, i mean i get i'm the screw up in the family, i get that,
and i've come to accept it. i just wish that they could. its not like i
bother them, or that i really ask for a lot. i mean its not like i'm
screaming to have my way, or i'm asking to get like 50 coach purses in
one day, or get a car on my sixteenth birthday. i'm not. i don't ask
for much. i ask to hang out my friends every once in a while. i ask to
just be me once in a while, but i guess being me has a bad impact on my
family. its not that i'm a bad person, i just don't always make the
smartest decision. but its not like everyone else hasn't made stupid
choices either. it just isn't fair i don't know what to do to make them
happy. it isn't my fault i'm not my sisters, i didn't get the "smarts"
gene. i got the "socialism" gene, the one where i socialize more than
study, the one where i CARE about friends more than school. the one
where i want to work with people, not have my head in books. i'm sorry
if my life doesn't revolve around school, and good grades. but thats
who i am. i just don't do the school thing. it isn't fair they expect
from me what my sisters did. smart, all As, i don't think they've ever
gotten below a B in school. i mean I'm NOT them in fact i'm the
OPPOSITE! i'm barely passing my classes. its just not fair that my
sisters set the high expectations my family has for me now. i can't
keep up to that, and its not like anyone else has any expectations any
lower. My grandmother is always asking me why i'm not more like my
sisters. Most of my friends always expect me to solve their problems, i
mean i love them, but i don't have the answers. to be honest, most of
the stuff i tell them is bullshit that i just make up off the top of my
head, and lately i haven't felt like talking to them so i basically
just walk away. and yeah i feel bad about walking away from them, but i
can't help it i just don't have the patience lately to listen and try
and figure out how to help.
then one person is being a thart (and if you have no idea what that means then... http://hs.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2226053057&ref=nf
) but yeah.... sigh i don't know what to do. plus so many of my friends
are going off to college in like 2 months, and i'm terrified that i'll
never hear see or talk to them again. and yeah they all say "oh we'll
keep in touch" or "I won't forget you" but then the time comes around
and its like......... "who are you again?" I've already gone through
this once.... i've already lost friends who were seniors last year, and
we all stopped talking.... we've talked ONCE since they all went off to
college, and that was because they came back to watch a softball game
that this year's seniors played in. i mean come on...we only said
like..2 words. trust me, i know, people change when they go off to
college. they forget things, and they don't keep in contact.
well i'm off for now i've done my vent and i should get back to work.
<3 Christina | | |
| ok so yeah with thanksgiving coming up, and christmas and i just can't help it...and i'm getting sooo stressed out because next week i'm trying out for cheerleading, i have nothing planned, i am not prepared, i can't do jumps or cheers, and i'm not very flexable because i had less than a week to prepare, and i should be practicing. Then, of course, i have a crush on this guy that like doesn't even know who i am, and i think i'm getting a crush on this guy that most of my friends hate, and i'm still not over the guy i thought i was in love with...and i don't think i ever will be. and it sux. I just cant stand the stress anymore...i don't know what i'm going to do with my life. so yeah latly I've been getting so sick of some of my friends, but if you wanna know go back to one of my earlier posts...sorry everyone i'm not sure of the date...so yeah its been privatized for a while and this is the first time i've made it public so have fun with it. | | |
| Guys bother me because i don't think i'll ever be able to get over this guy i like love. and he won't ever want me...and i just wanna break down and cry.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
~Kelly Clarkson: Beacuse of you
yeah that kinda suits what has happened to me because of him...
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
~Simple Plan:Welcome To My Life
yeah well pretty much the entire song explains most of my life...it really is boring, my life...but i need excitement...or a boyfriend..that'll work too.
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| Sorry i haven't posted latly but i've been so busy working out and practicing and trying out for cheerleading and of course i didn't make it.. but i only had like a week to prep for it so now i'll have the entire summer to practice and i won'r have to try out during competition season, but i'mma be continuing the workout i've been doing cuz it works. and i kinda need it bad cuz i haven't exercised for a while. and i'm still workin on the new xanga so yeah. byes. | | |
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