| thoughtsSo i just started thinking about my life and the direction its going... (sigh) what am i doing with my life. im so lost when it comes to school at first i was so sure psychology was the way to go but the more into my job i get the less i want to continue in this career path so what do i do now i can think and time is running short i need to make a decision soon i dont want to contiue with psychology and waste my time and energy on something i wont be doing you know i would rather study hard and longer on something i know i will enjoy but nothing comes to mind or at least something as a back for not knowing wat to do you know what i mean. Ray doesnt get it its harder for me then for, he knows what he wants but i dont know anymore. i need help really badly i know i cant depend on anyone else to make this decision for but i just wish i could narrow this stuff down to something anything i wish i could just wake up one morning and know exactly what i want to do for the rest of my life be life doesnt work like that just like wishes and dreams dont come true or at least not for me it doesnt oh well. |
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| Trust meok there are a few things that bother me about ray or at least about him trusting me. I have never had a problem with anyone not trusting me but ray trust me up until it comes to his phone. that bothers the hekk out of me. most people have no problem letting me see their phone but he just doesnt seem to trust me with his and no matter what i do to try and show him that i can be trusted with his phone he still doesnt trust me. and this really hurts my feelings. Its not lke im going to do anything bad wih it. yes i would like to go through it but i do that with everyone phone why should he get treated any diferently than anybody else but hey if he doesnt want me to look threw something all he has to say is dont go threw that part and i'll leave it alone but i like messing with other peoples phone. yes i realize i have a phone of my own but other peoples phones are always more interesting. And everytime i think i got a chance to play with his phone he like fights hard to get it away from me. even when i just want to change my picture he still wont let me see his phone. for some reason i cant seem to let this go. i cant stand the fact he doent trust me with his phone. |
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| Crappy Christmasok folks i can honestly say i have lost my christmas spirit. Ray and i decided to give eachother our gifts early and you know what he got me a stupid rice cooker and now i have lost it. ok so here is the background story my mom kept telling me that i need to cook instead of ray cook and she kept telling me to get a rice cooker so i told ray we needed one and i would prefer rce from a rice cooker. But that doesnt mean get me one for christmas. i was so upset and disappointed i almost cried and had i opened that present one christmas and found that rice cooker instead of a real gift i would have cried. i knew it was a last minute gift idea but him and i think thats what makes it even more disapointing. oh well at least he will be happy on christmas |
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| not so marriedok so im married now i cant believe it. it is somewhat hitin me, i thought it was hiting ray but i guess not. he kinda still does and acts like im his girlfriend and not his wife and it just irratates me. before he came back form texas i asked who he was going to stay with he said me but he isnt really treating my house like he is living here , he doesnt come here unless im here and he should have came to see me first before anything but no he goes to i think his sisters place. look i get my family makes him a little uncomfortable but if he didnt want to stay at my house he should have just said so i would understood im not that mean of a person that i would have . you know they say actions speak louder than words and they are right. he claims he wanted to stay at my house with me but no we stayed the night at his sisters last night, which was not bad but to me it just felt like he really wanted to avoid my house which based off his current actions is true. then theres the stuff he isnt saying. he doesnt have to lie to not tell me the truth all he has to do is not say anything at all, which is pretty much wat he does all the time. maybe im just tired but he really is being a bit of a jerk |
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| happy dilemaSo for those of you who dont know my wonderfull boyfriend does infact love me, its sad he had to tell over the phone when he left for basic training but hey he said it and that makes me extremely happy. i miss him so much. well after basic training is over he has to go to tech school but while he is in tech school he has an option of getting a dorm on base or getting an apartment off base, well he has asked me if i would like to move with him. He wont get the apartment if i dont go with me but the choice is entirely up to whether or not i want to move in with him. i love him so much that i am considering this. i would like to move with him but what about all the stuff i have going on here: school, family, friends who are basicly family. I dont know if i am ready to leave everybody i know my mom is planning on moving to CA soon and i can go to school anywhere plus i need the break, but i have been with my friends for so long i dont know if im ready to part with them. But i love ray so much, i have never been so happy, i dont want to part with him, you know, i truely love him and yes i know i am too young to know what love is but i can just feel it in my gut. i love him, i cant stop thinking about him, i have been extremely depressed since he has been gone. I can truely see us together in the future ,you know. i asked for prince charming and i got him and i dont intend to let him go. so my readers what should i do? |
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