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| Happy Birthday!!It's the 28th of May and i must must shout out to my absolutely favourite monkey friend... so.. HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY dear sampat Yap Chien Shin! i can't believe that little boy is 21 now..! a full-fledged adult! he's still like a tiny teenager to me! hahahha only because he's one of the fun-nest, sampat-est friend i have around to do silly stuff with! i miss you alot alot la sampat because i have yet to find someone whom is as fun to hang out with like you (minus emo moments. wahahha). but yes, i think age has caught up with you and i surely can see that maturity has slowly crept in (in a good way!) so yeah, even as you enter the working world and all, praying that God will continue to guide you and direct you in the way He has prepared for you. in a sense i do hope you stay the same to a certain degree, the fun-loving, lame-sarcastic-comment-giving, entertaining friend that you have been in the many years that have passed. :) hope that the "suspected surprise" did turn out to be a surprise party after all! cuz you deserve it :) we'll celebrate your 21st the next time i see you again!
oh i guess i should wish chiyao a happy belated 21st birthday too. since, prolly only chien shin and chiyao are among the known few (VERY few) who still pop back here every now and then to see if Lydia has been rajin enough to post up something. hahaha. so happy belated birthday! well technically i wished you on your actual birthday also what, so it's not like i missed it or anything. samore gave you present! (errr the Mrs Lim recordings by non-other than Sampat Yap. hahahaha!!!)
okayssss... soo... i guess i never officially blogged about this, but.. in a couple of hours time i'll be on a plane heading to the US! yes! the plans fell thru praise God! and thanks to my dad who graciously let me use his airmiles, i was able to get return tickets for dirt cheap! i can't wait! of course i'll still be studying on the plane and when i get there but.. i get to attend Miss Kelly Tan's wedding!! amazing! and i get to see Fern too and the rest of the people i grew up with!! excited excited! so if you see this in time, do pray for my flight and journey there! okay gotta head out to catch up with a friend over supper before i head off to the airport later. ciaos!
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| sheeshback in the first tute i ever had for this certain subject, we were working in groups to figure out the calculation of some ratio thing. So anyway, i thought and worked it out logically and when i was suggesting it to my group everyone was like.. "oh yeah.. that makes a whole lot of sense" so i taught them all my method. Except that the tutor comes later on and tells us, nope we've got it wrong we're supposed to flip it the other way round (supposed i calculated it as A divided by B, she tells us the correct way is to divide B by A). And so i'm like.. hmmm i don't get the logic behind this, and neither did a couple of the guys in my group. So when we ask her to explain why it's B over A and not A over B, she just goes "just trust me on this one". and we're all.. hmm... okaay..
that was 6 weeks ago. Today, she was revising with the class on the whole topic (of which the ratio calculation thing falls under) she mentioned in the passing that she might've taught it wrong in the first tute, and basically she implied it was A over B, just need to look at the answer in a diff perspective. I'm like.. gaah! I've spent the last 5 weeks trying to condition my mind that B over A is the correct way eventho A over B makes more logical sense and now you tell me i was right all along and i was teaching myself the wrong method?! and all that time i spent trying to find the logic behind B over A rather than A over B (cuz i just can't simply accept a fact without understanding the reason behind it!). Sigh. But she's a good tutor and all, just wished that she didn't make that mistake to begin with and now we have to un-confuse ourselves from the confusion she created for us to begin with!
And i decided to join a different tute group today so that i could go to the market in the morning. This will serve as a reminder to NOT join that tute group again! This random girl that sat next to me (whom i don't even know) saw that i brought my lecture notes along to class and proceeded to ask me "can i see?" *pointing to my lecture slides* Thought maybe she just needed to see something briefly, but NOO.. she takes it from me and starts to copy down ALLLL my notes for the entire lecture. By this time i'm giving her a "what are you doing?!" kind of look, and she just goes "oh, i didn't attend this lecture *giggles*" I was really ticked off cuz i brought my lecture notes so i can refer to the graphs and stuff and scribble down any extra notes that comes up in tute and all. So at a point i reallly needed the paper back to refer to a graph so i can follow what the tutor was saying. barely 2 minutes later when she sees i don't seem to be using my lecture notes anymore, she just takes the paper again and resumes copying down my notes. this happened 3 TIMES until i had to continue scribbling unnecessary notes so that she doesn't snatch my notes away from me again. i mean SERIOUSLY?! i don't even know her name and i can assure you she doesn't know mine. what gives you the liberty to just copy off all my notes?! i'm not your secretary who goes to the lecture and does the hard work to listen and take down notes for you. half may be stuff that the lecturer wrote/drew for everyone to take down, but some of it is my own personal notes too. If you were my friend and asked me nicely of course i'd give it to you. But today, i honestly have nothing good to say about that girl who was leeching off me. gosh i really can't believe the nerve of some people!
anyway, one of my best-est childhood bestfriends, Miss Kelly Tan is getting married in uhm.. 39 days? and Miss Lydia here is still unconfirmed and working thru the possibilities of attending the wedding. sigh. the plus points is my visa to the States is still valid and the wedding falls at the beginning my study break. However the timing of getting there and coming back is a head -scratcher. I've also done so much flight research i could possibly name most if not all of the airlines that have either direct or not-so direct routes to getting to Houston. Direct route would cost abit but save time, then there's another possibility of a much cheaper option but time-wise will be longer, and that also depends on certain other factors. Then there's finances..if any of my job apps don't fall thru sometime soon then i'm quite stuck. But yeah i'm utterly determined to try my very best to make it to the wedding. I've already been studying real hard so that i'm ahead of my game in terms of exam preparation, can't say i'm ahead yet. probably just at par.. but i'm getting there! hahhha this has been a pretty good motivation to make sure i study hard ever since day 1! ah well we'll see how it goes. and on that note, i should go get some studying done!!
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| the one with the oven..So i got home from uni today after 2 long lectures and a tute and decided i needed to destress before i get my tutes done for tomorrow. So tralala.. raided the kitchen to see what i could find. So this was my train of thoughts while going thru the stuff i have in my kitchen.
"Ooh. 4 super ripe bananas that if i don't use them now i'm just going to have to trash them. mmm.. fry cekodok or make some banana muffins? mm check for other ingredients. tralala.. ooh half open pack of choc chips. and ooh.. that small block of butter looks like it's just enough for one batch of muffins. mmm.. looks like muffins it is!"
and so i began whipping together a batch of muffins. set the oven to preheat while i put together the muffin batter. so bananas, sugar, butter, egg, flour.. threw in the choc chips.. then i decided to be greedy and chop up some walnuts to add in! like usually i'd either make banana walnut muffins or banana choc chip. but yeah, i was in a happy destressing mode so i figured.. ah heck.. i love muffins full of yummy goodies! tralala.. poured the mixture into the muffin cases and it's all ready to pop into the oven. Except, the oven preheat light was still on (meaning it hasn't heated up to the desired temperature yet). Oh well, might as well clean up the kitchen first. so washed all the utensils i used, and even after i'm done with all the washing, the preheat light is still on. Strange. so i thought, ah well maybe it'll reach the temperature in a couple of minutes. will test and see how hot it is and i might just pop the muffins into the oven first anyway. So i open the oven door, and to my surprise.. there was no HEAT at all!! it was just the cool air of the fan blowing. Uh oh. I've already got my muffin mixture all done and soon they're going to seep thru the muffin cases! how?!?!
So i began fiddling with the other oven functions. The fan force one emitted some weird smoke and i'm like.. err okay not gonna use THAT one. and then there was one that heated up the oven a fair bit. unfortunately it was the function where only the top heating element is used. All i'm thinking is, ah well. as long as there is heat.. gonna have to improvise so my muffin batter of yummy goodness doesn't go to waste! So popped it in when the oven was sorta heated up. Problem with THAT function was.. the top obviously bakes and rises much faster but the bottom part is still in its batter form! so i had to keep turning the oven on and off, (so that the top doesn't continue to burn and hopefully the trapped heat will help bake the bottom part of the muffins) taking the muffins in and out.. but after the 3rd time of trying to do that.. i think i was in my room a little too long talking to Jehanne on Gtalk when suddenly there is a hint of a burnt smell. gaaaahh!!! i run out and find that the half-broken down oven has burnt most of my muffin tops to a crisp. eeks!
So now, i've got 12 topless muffins (yes i know that sounds kinda wrong.. but i dunno how else to refer it!).. had to cut off the burnt top. which is a shame. cuz we all know muffin tops are uberly yummy. but neverthless i took the half muffins out of the muffing cases and put them all into a tupperware. so now it just looks like i have random pieces of banana cake. but oohh.. it's not just a banana cake, it's a banana-choc chip-walnut cake. mmm! okay i realise how easily pleased i am. lalalaa
But yeah, now i'm having baking withdrawal symptoms. There goes my plans of baking cookies tomorrow.. or baking any dishes for dinner. Sigh.. it's always when you can't have something that you want it more. In this situation, it's baking! like i don't really feel like eating much fried food.. baked food seemed to be a preferred choice for awhile. now that option is gone, sigh. guess i should start buying ingredients that are best consumed steamed or boiled or some sort. I miss the oven already..! but we're prolly gonna tell the building management about it soon. hopefully they don't take too long to get it fixed (cuz they're well known for taking their own sweet time!) oh oven.. please work again..!
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| Bittersweetprewarning: it's an extremely long post, mainly for my own reflection but i thought i'd put it on public hopefully to bless others.
20th March 2008 goes down in history as the biggest emotional rollercoaster ride Lydia has been on to date. The week in itself prior to that day has just been really busy running errands and making final arrangements and preparations for camp. So busy that when Steven called to say he was leaving his house to come pick me up to head to the campsite, i had barely packed my bags nor showered or eaten the entire day! But i managed to get my act together and finally off we were heading to Rawson. Not long after picking up the Clayton girls, i get a text from one of my best friends, Azi saying "I heard Teacher Samirah passed away this morning". And immediately my heart sank.
Teacher Samirah was one of the English teachers in our old school, and if you know my school, you would know that we are a very close knit community, be it among students, and even between teachers and students. Mainly because our population was really small, but i think that was one of the greatest beauty of our school and i loved every single memory i have of that school. well.. almost. anyway, Teacher Samirah was diagnosed with breast cancer sometime in year 2001 if my memory serves me well. She was in and out of school in the end of year 2001 and the beginning of 2002 due to chemo treatment and sorts. But each time she comes back she was still the entertaining and slightly sarcastic self as always  altho just looking a wee bit tired. She was a mom of 4 kids, one beautiful daughter who takes on her chatty-ness and subsequently 3 very very cute boys who are all very entertaining as well! When i last left school, her daughter was prolly about 8 or 9 years old max, and the youngest one at most 2 years old.
The last i ever saw Teacher Shamin was in early 2006 when Fern, Kel, Dan and I made a short trip back to Terengganu. She was still looking pretty alright. At that point i think the treatment was working in her favour. She was then soon going to move down to KL for good, which i think worked out good for her since i recall sometime after that last time i saw her, Azi texted me saying that Teacher Shamin was admitted into SJMC cuz her condition had taken a toll.. it was a relapse. I guess being overseas at that point of time, it wasn't like i could visit her (altho i did think about texting her, which looking back, i wished i did) so after awhile, it kind of slipped my mind til that fateful text that came in last week. I was in total disbelief really. And so were Irene, Kel and Fern, according to my brother (i called him to tell them since i was travelling and had no internet connection). i almost seems surreal that she's gone.
Teacher Min, you're a great inspiration and the many years that you taught us were great lessons learnt. I loved how we all didn't just know you simply as a teacher but on a personal level as well. Probably one of the fondest memories will be the great roadtrip we made down to Besut where you and Teacher Hasmah drove the entire debate team plus the others who wanted to tag along (haha) for the State quarter finals. We had heaps of fun in your van watching movie after movie on the little screen you had installed to entertain your kids. heh! We all laughed about how our school's debate team history is that whichever opponent that our school loses to would always begin their speech with "Roses are red, violets are blue..." and despite how strong our points may be, the odds are stacked against us because it seemed they would never want a former private school to represent the state. hahha.. and horror of horrors, our opponents DID begin with "roses are red, violets are blue.." I remember instantly turning to you with a horrified look on my face, and you just had to roll your eyes. hahaa! if it weren't so pressuring i prolly would've burst out laughing on stage. How you could tolerate the nonsensical yet believable "facts" Zaid could churn out just made you extra cooler too! you were always great fun to talk to and be with.. such a beautiful person both inside and out.
I could go on but it's not like you'd be reading this, but thanks Teacher Min for everything you've done. I really wished you won the battle of cancer. I wished you could still be around to watch your beautiful kids grow. I wish we all got to see you one last time and fill you in on the latest updates like how Kelly and Fern are both happily engaged and are soon to be wives of the great man in their respective lives, or how Irene's got an exciting job posting to a new country. I didn't think you would be gone so soon. I will miss you teacher min, and i hope that your hubby and the kids are holding up well despite not having you around. you will be remembered ever so dearly in our hearts.
The title of this post is called "Bittersweet" for a reason. Just barely 20 minutes after finding out about teacher samirah's passing, my brother calls me up to say "We officially have a new cousin". My uncle's wife had just delivered a baby boy hence we now welcome a new cousin into our extended family. Admittedly i wasn't exactly the most excited person, since the whole death news was still sinking in. But nevertheless it is a joyous occasion and i would look forward to meeting and playing with little baby Marcellino when i get back to Malaysia!
When i first got the text about Teacher Min's passing, it reminded me of the exact same thing that happened last year. The night before Easter Camp 2007, my brother had texted me and said to prepare myself cuz my grandma was in serious condition and there's a chance that she might pass on anytime soon. It was an extremely emotional night and i could barely sleep a wink while praying very selfish prayers that He would prolong my grandma's time on earth. I was a total wreck and mess throughout camp and thank God for the Parkville worship team who prayed for me while we were preparing for worship on the first nite, and also Sharon who was such an awesome friend throughout camp. God has been very gracious prolonging my grandma to this very day but i must say 2007 was a huge uphill battle for me, dealing with situations such as family illnesses and the likes which i won't elaborate. But at the end of 2007, i decided that no longer will i let myself be bogged down by all things that have kept me beaten down particularly in the past year. I needed to be free and have a fresh and strong start in 2008.
Indeed many things were done bit by bit, mending damages made here and there and the fresh and strong start for me in 2008 was looking well on its way. Today as i sit here typing this, looking back in retrospect to these events that happened suddenly doesn't seem coincidental at all, infact it seems to signify something even greater. On the eve of Easter Camp 2007, i get a text regarding an impending death. fast forward a year later and on the eve of Easter Camp 2008, i get a text announcing a death, and subsequently a phonecall announcing a new life born. It really reflects my spiritual journey in the past year. Many obstacles and trials came my way last year and it was a tough battle no doubt and many a times i was just so beaten down and weary. And all that God really wanted of me was simply; "Lydia, do you trust Me? just hand it all over to Me to take care of it". The text regarding the impending death to me signifies the long process that God was working in me of dying to myself. i'm not there yet but the many trials He allows me to go through were really tests to push me to a point of complete surrender because there are things that i just can't achieve by my own strength. to surrender to Him, i must first die to myself : less of me and more of Him.
The interesting part for me here is that this year,on the eve of Easter Camp, i get 2 messages; one of death, and subsequently one of new life, and i believe that is the word for my spiritual journey for this year. i know as i take these baby steps mending damages of the past while slowly releasing more and more to Him, I strive to come to a point where i have sufficiently put to death all that my selfish nature desires so that God can work in me and through me. I hope to be able to put to death all the pains, guilt and shame of the past and to come up anew and to begin afresh walking in the path guided solely by Him. Easter Camp served as a great launching pad of great empowerment for all the campers that were present, as each speaker brought a word that spoke straight into the core of each person's heart. Of course having Sarah Koh as one of the speakers was an added bonus because i consider her being among one of the greatest role models and inspiration to all girls/young women of God (but of course that's my opinion..ever since i first heard her speak back in 2006). Talking and praying through certain things with her brought a lot of things into perspective. I can't conclude the end of this phase yet as i'm still progressing on this spiritual journey. But i hang on to the hope that He is doing a deep work in the recesses of my heart and that as I begin submitting bit by bit to Him, That i will come to a point of complete death to myself and the old ways, and begin the "new life" that is wholly and completely in Him. Like how i may not have been fully excited about a new cousin at that point of time after just receiving news of the death of someone so dear; i may not seem very enthusiastic about a new start, becuz i'm really adverse to change and putting to death all that i hold dear to in the past is tough. But, yet i know that what awaits me is something that is great, for His plans for us are greater and higher than all that we can imagine. We are a new creation in Him! (2 Cor 5:17)
Lord, help me be that desperate woman after your own heart.
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| Reality CheckI don't know if it's the late night, or that i'm tired or whatsoever.. but for a brief couple of minutes, i honestly felt and thought that i was in Malaysia.
Maybe cuz i've been up just reading thru articles post-election results.. was also blog-hopping thru blogs of friends back home. I think it was prolly Lik Xiong's post about appreciating the wonders of technology that makes living in different continents not that much big a deal anymore since communication has been made so easy (and cheap!) that stuck in my head the most.
Anyway was chatting with Christine and among other things we were talking about, she mentioned that she might have ticked Dex off tonite cuz she bailed on the initial makan plans after the meeting in church at the last minute. But ehh.. knowing Dex he probably already called someone else to go makan with and all is well with the world again. At this point i subconsciously went to get my phone to call Dex to : 1) check if he is actually mad at Christine, and 2) to offer to teman him and say "jom la lets go makan now".
Then, when i opened my bedroom door, the wisp of the cold breeze outside catches me by surprise, and then reality sinks in...
i'm currently living thousands of miles away from Malaysia.
it's so weird! cuz i remember a mere 5 days after being back in Melbourne, i thought i had already been back in Melbourne for a month..! (well actually i STILL can't believe that it's been barely 2 weeks since i came back to Melb!) And now i have a moment where i felt as if i never left home..
gaaaaahh..!
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