Moondoggy's Xanga

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 22:03:35 GMT

Just haven't had a whole lot of time lately. It's either working or house chores or we are down the road for another gathering of some sort. My FIL and my Dad both have cancer and are undergoing treatments. One is 80 and the other is 86. So, have been spending a lot of time in waiting rooms. They ought to have computers there, but that will never happen.

The boat has not seen water for a month and golfing time has even been limited. There has been some sort of Family function every weekend since the middle of June and won't end until the middle August. I swear I am going to head out on one of my days off and just float down the river. Maybe I could pick up a hot chick. Ya think?? I know, I am too old, but it was a nice thought!!!

Take care Xangaroonies and enjoy the Hump!!!

Monday, July 07, 2008

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:38:15 GMT

Just a personal observation...as I watched the news coverage of the massive
flooding in the Midwest with over 100 blocks of the city of Cedar Rapids,
Iowa under water, levees breaking, and the attention now turned downstream
for when this massive amount of water hits the Mississippi, what amazed me
is not what we saw, but what we didn't see...

1. We don't see looting.

2. We don't see street violence.

3. We don't see people sitting on their rooftops waiting for the government
to come and save them.

4. We don't see people waiting on the government to do anything.

5. We don't see Hollywood organizing benefits to raise money for people to
rebuild.

6. We don't see people blaming President Bush.

7. We don't see people ignoring evacuation orders.

8. We don't see people blaming a government conspiracy to blow up the levees
as the reason some have not held.

9. We don't see the US Senators or the Governor of Iowa crying on TV.

10. We don't see the Mayors of any of these cities complaining about the
lack of state or federal response.

11. We don't see or hear reports of the police going around confiscating
personal firearms so only the criminal will be armed.

12. We don't see gangs of people going around and randomly shooting at the
rescue workers.

13. You don't see some leaders in this country blaming the bad behavior of
the Iowa flood victims on "society." (Of course there are no widespread
reports of lawlessness to require excuses.)

What we do see are hard working, honest Americans (many of them farmers)
doing what they can to survive comfortably, knowing that many things like
flooding are God's way of testing our resolve. They move on, and most are
not beholding to anyone.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:44:09 GMT

'Tis the season. The wonderful swingset we built 3 weeks ago, is now laying on it's side, thanks to the great windstorm of Omaha. Guess they were lucky that is all the damage that was done. Lots of storms around here lately. Between the storms and the sprinklers, the grass is growing nicely. Luckily this area has been spared from hail or flood. But, the Omaha and southeast Iowa farmland is now marshland. Extremely busy at work. We have 4 major irrigation customers in this area and they are working 24/7 trying to keep up with orders. We will be very busy supplying them the next several years. With the high price of corn, the farmers actually have money in their pockets. Getting some golf and boat time in here and there. Another summer in the middle of nowhere USA!!!!

Monday, June 09, 2008

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 14:20:55 GMT

SIL and I put this little baby together over the weekend. 90 degrees on Saturday with 30 mph winds. 70 degrees on Sunday with rain. Add a slopeing backyard and a tornado in the middle, made for an eventful weekend. Got the thing up and it's even level. Maybe next time we can just play a little golf. Got the day off, but busy around here. DW had me shut off the sump pumps over the weekend because she was afraid something would go wrong with them. Well, something went wrong alright! We got close to 3" of rain and the sumps filled up and over flowed. So, she is feeling pretty somber today. They always "think" they know what they are talking about!!!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tue, 27 May 2008 11:00:29 GMT

That's about all you can do around here. High today in the 50's, low might dip into the upper 30's. Was 86 a couple of days ago. When the sun did shine, the wind blew like crazy and brought in some storms. Was a good weekend to do absolutely nothing outdoors!!!!

FIL had cancer surgery in his ear. Took out a tumor the size of your fist. Did that on Thursday and took him home yesterday. A little quick by my standards. Actually he didn't get all the way home, dropped him off at his local hospital for recoup. He has to learn how to walk again. Doing pretty good though. So, I spent the weekend at my daughter's, which was near his surgery hospital. A lot of outlaws in and out all weekend.

So, I spent the weekend playing with the grandkids. Got home last night, seen the forcast and mowed the lawn quick. Good timing, cause it's raining now again. Got damn near 3" before today. Things are pretty soggy around here. Back to work for one night and then days on the weekend. Will probably be bright and full of sun while I am working. How did your weekend shape up???

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thu, 22 May 2008 18:42:38 GMT

Working 1 night in the next 8 days and we get nothing but rain for all 8 of them. Oh yeah, there is 30 to 40 mph winds too. So, that rules out the boating, camping and golfing. Any other cool stuff for the weekend planned???

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tue, 13 May 2008 21:53:44 GMT

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Thu, 08 May 2008 22:30:52 GMT

Subject: The Anniversary Taser

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary
submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Julie.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed.

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a
metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There
I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, 'don't do it dip shit,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY
MOTHER OF GOD . . .

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears
in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to
be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never
heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
note Of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A- BITCH,
THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time
was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I
had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My
face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I sh*t myself, but was too numb to know for sure as my sense
of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for
their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!