One of the purposes of this xanga is to allow high school people to have some sort of way to know what I'm doing and for me to know what they're all doing without me actually having to do any work.  But it doesn't seem to work like that.  I've had the habit of keeping a daily diary/journal since elementary school, so updating xanga is like second nature to me, but everyone else doesn't seem to do the same thing.  Ah well.  It's just very weird for someone to say specifically that they don't want to be friends any more.  Usually, people just sort of let communication die away naturally, or make it look like it's natural.

I dunno.  "MooninAir" was a screen name I created in middle school, and I've used it all through high school.  I've gradually been switching to another screen name since last year, and I do have a new xanga under the other screen name because of China.  I guess now is as good a time as any to say good-bye to this weblog.  The screen names are almost symbolic in a sense.  First the idealism of my teenage years, like a bright full moon, hanging in the clear night sky, and then the conscience decision to always escape, like an addiction to caffeine.

Anyway, if you wanna keep reading, go to "TeaAddict22."

I'm beginning to think I definitely go slightly overboard with the applying to jobs thing.  On the other hand, I'm always afraid of anything that requires "application," since life seems to have taught me that if I really want it and it requires an application, I'm not gonna get it.  Although, I do have my level D job at the shelving department, so it's not like I'm desperate, not like last year.  Freshmen have a distinct disadvantage in applying to jobs since they have no clue what their schedules will be like before the middle of September, and by that time, the good jobs are gone.

So besides that, I also have 2 more interviews set up, both for higher-paying jobs, one level E and one level F.  I even sent an e-mail asking about a job as a statistical software adviser.  Although, since it sounded like I will probably need such advisement later in my college career, I'm probably not qualified to help others...maybe in my junior year, I will be.

I've realized during this summer that I am TOTALLY materialistic.  Shopping makes me happy.  This means that I might quit HKSA next year if it gets too stressful, but I'm definitely NOT quitting my job.

Speaking of materialism...I just watched "Material Girls" with my sister.  It's definitely bad on the level of "Miami Vice," except it's more of a chick flick.  Remember Zhang Ziyi and her "love affair" in that movie, well..."Material Girls" has that love affair, except sanitized and dumbed down to the junior high school level so that it's PG, and then multiply that by 2 because there's Hillary AND Hailey Duff.  Seriously, the acting is HORRIBLE.  In some of the scenes, I SWEAR the actors are smiling not because they're acting like they like each other but because they think their lines are idiotic too.  It's bad on the gagging level.

So Shakespeare got rained out unfortunately, but I did spend an hour with Igor talking nonsense, so that was good.  I'm looking forward to going back to Princeton and talking some more nonsense.  I think I'm starting to miss Daniel too, since usually he makes me say something that makes sense.

Nadia's coming to New York!!!!  Yay!! =D  More lesbian orgies in Rain's room!  Hehehe.  Or maybe the three of us will refrain from being perverted and actually do some innocent things?  Or maybe not.

Wow, you make it sound so final.  See, commenting and reading your xanga isn't actually a chore since you usually say interesting things.  Anyway, just pretend I'm a stranger then if that'd make you feel better.

Anyway, La Traviata would have been good if a) the female lead sang better on the high notes, and b) if Shun did not get lost on the way back from the bathroom and kept calling us.  Sometimes it hits me that people really are very selfish, and I'm definitely more selfish than most.

So I liked Salina's idea (and I'm bored) so decided to do the same thing with my iTunes.  Below are the 25 songs.

1. Will I get far in life: "To the Moon and Back" - Savage Garden (WOAH!!!)

2. How do my friends see me: "Rock is Dead" - Marilyn Manson (hmm...hope I'm not actually that depressing)

3. Where will I get married: "The Monkey King, scene 1-3" - traditional Chinese opera (so does this mean I'm getting married in China in the traditional way, or that I'm not getting married at all and really becoming a cool Buddhist nun since Sun Wu Kong never got married and was a cool Buddhist monk-type of person?)

4. What is my best friend's theme song: "Requiem: The Lord is My Shepherd" - John Rutter (so does this describe Igor or Rain?  and who is "lord"? since neither of them are Christian or religious...or does it describe me and how important my friends are in my life?  "though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me" )

5. What is the story of my life: "Love's Never Easy" - from "Bombay Dreams" (AHAHAHAHA, wow, this one's tremendously accurate, sung by a transsexual too! hehehe)

6. What was high school like: "Going Under" - Evanescence (WOAH....this is accurate too..."50,000 tears I cried")

7. How can I get ahead in life: "O Magnum Mysterium" (what?!?!?  I can't understand Latin!  this is totally useless to me...I think it means the "great mystery"?  so it's basically saying I will get ahead in beautiful yet mysterious ways?)

8. What is the best thing about me: "Voodoo" - Godsmack (I guess it's saying I'm not bound by things and wander everywhere?)

9. How is today going to be: "Down by the Riverside" - Moses Hogan, sung by Concert Chorus of Stuyvesant (so it's saying today will be relaxing, that's good)

10. What is in store for this weekend: "Southtown" - P.O.D. (so this weekend will be difficult I guess)

11. What song describes my parents: "A Whole New World" - from "Aladdin" (well...they did immigrate, fitting)

12. My grandparents: "Viens, Mallika...dome epais" - from "Lakome" (I don't understand French either...it's a female duet, so their lives were pretty?  It's my favorite opera song)

13. How is my life going: "Black-eyed" - Placebo ("borderline and schizo, and guaranteed to cause a fuss" hehehe "I was never faithful and I was never one to trust")

14. What song will be played at my funeral: "Guang" (Yay!  The title is "Light," and it's a Tibetan song I bought in China, sung by this Tibetan with the most beautiful voice.  It's my favorite song right now.  Plus, there's Buddhist monks praying in the background, so it's extremely fitting.)

15. How does the world see me: "I Want Now" - Sammi Cheng (Well, I am impatient and I do want everything.)

16. Will I have a happy life: "Wrong Way" - Sublime (AWWWW...oh well...happiness is over-rated.)

17. What do my friends really think of me: "Sweet Misery" - Michelle Branch  (awww...if you listen to the lyrics, it's actually not a bad thing, I just hope I'm not actually depressing)

18. Will I ever have children: "Adam's Song" - Blink 182 ("I never thought I'd die alone"...oh well =/)

19. What is some good advice: "Broken" - Evanescence ("the worst is over now and we can breathe again, I wanna hold you high and steal my pain, there's so much left to learn and no one left to fight")

20. What is my signature dancing song: "Chess Piece" - Faye Wang (aww...so I'm controlled by someone else all my life, go where they tell me to go and can't retreat)

21. What do I think my current theme song is: "Descendants of the Dragon"  (Wow...pretty accurate...though you notice the number of Chinese songs on this list?)

22. Do people secretly lust after me: "Right by Your Side" - Tigressions ("I'm so full of desire when you set my head on fire"...hm...I guess the answer is yes?)

23. How can I make myself happy: "American Made" - Jack off Jill (woah...this is depressing...so I don't wanna be happy?  I want to be sad instead?)

24. What should I do with my life: "I Dreamed a Dream" (awww...I do dream at least "but life has killed the dream I dreamed")

25. What does everyone else think my current theme song is: "Every Me Every You" - Placebo ("cause there's nothing else to do")

Why shouldn't we be friends any more?  I don't "feel inferior among the smart people at Princeton," in fact, I feel like I fit in, just like in Stuyvesant.  This is perhaps also due to the fact that I'm easily satisfied and very adaptable.  In any case, though we haven't seen each other in so long, doesn't mean we can't see each other in the future.  Besides, I'll keep updating my xanga and I'll keep reading yours, whenever you feel like updating it.

I think I've had my pessimistic outlook on life in high school and even junior high school.  It's just that in those days, my dreams were stronger.  Of course, dreams never die, so it's not like I don't have dreams any more.  Perhaps it's just that in the fight between my pessimism and my optimisim, my pessimism tends to win these days.  It's not that I'm depressed either, because I haven't truly been depressed since junior high school or maybe sophomore year of high school, it's just that my fear of failure has made me "settle."  Or maybe it's not fear of failure, maybe it's just tiredness.  I still have my old habit of trying to do too many things in too short a period of time, but instead of trying to pursue "success" in whatever form may catch my fancy, I'm now trying to pursue "happiness" in whatever form may catch my fancy, because I realized in high school that the happiness that comes with "success" is so fleeting it doesn't even last for more than 5 minutes.  Perhaps I've become Buddhist too, and "happiness" isn't the right word to describe what I want, but rather contentment and an enjoyment of life.

This has to do with an essay I wrote on freedom in China.  What is freedom really?  None of us have it.  Perhaps I'm also turning Chinese, with my thoughts about endurance.  I'm reading the book "Sultana" right now, about a Saudi princess and her life.  She doesn't have freedom, but neither do her servants.  A famous Chinese author (Lao She) once said: "I have freedom but she has food.  I don't have food but she doesn't have freedom."  As long as you're alive and part of society, you're not free.  Perhaps this is why religion talks of heaven, since they think death might bring the only freedom people will ever have.  Though of course, I don't agree, since you're always forced to die, and what kind of freedom can come from force?

I want freedom.  Why else would I hate to be at home?  Religion, democracy, rebellion, all these things can be viewed through the perspective of a fight to obtain freedom.  But while struggling for freedom, we are merely struggling for the right to set our own limits, build our own cages.  Since freedom is merely the ability to choose your own enslavement, does freedom even exist?  I don't think so.  So ironically, we are forced to fight a battle that cannot be won.