Shoe leather.  I've tasted a lot of shoe leather lately.  I don't know exactly why i've been tasting shoe leather but I have.  Must go along with this cynical streak i'm currently in.  Its sort of like a rut, with humor, not very good humor, well actually a lot of negative disparaging humor but there is humor!!  Guess working in a place where all you hear is negative can take its toll on you.  Though when confronted with the fact that you are negative the first thing you think is "of course I'm negative I deal with stupid people all day long".  It's not a question that you are its almost accepted.  Which is not good at all.  I've never been one with a sunny disposition by any means.  But I used to try to be positive about things.  Yea, tha changed.  So I guess this is me asking for prayer to be able to see the brighter side and not focus so much on all that is wrong. 

Anyway, I began this post with clear thought and now I don't even remember the first line.  Oh thats what I was saying....

Have a good one...

Peace 

I will be perfectly honest I am not going to update every day on my walk to 60 days with the Lord and out of this addiction that has ruled my life for so long.  With all the situations that are going on almost simultaneously I can see God in this situation but I don't always have words to express to other people about this wild ride I'm on.  I wish I had words to tantalize and impress everyone with the wonder of this moment but in all truth and reality right now I'm just tired and would love to get some sleep. 

I was sick a couple days ago and haven't been able to rest up since then.  Perhaps tonight will be the night?  Maybe its the fact that I still don't know about this condo I've put an offer on because the seller who was in Iraq is now in Germany.  I pray they are ok.  Logic says they didn't go to Germany for their health, or more rather precisely for their health.  I would, however, like to have something I can work with or set in stone or something.  At this point I think it very likely that I will be begging a couch from someone when move out day comes.  Michael and Nate will both be moving out next weekend.  I think there is a little anxiety about that in my mind really and I hope to be able to help them some but it will be on a Saturday and I have to work 12 hour shifts both Friday and Saturday this coming week.  I guess Sunday will just be a long drawn out day after the adventures of doing what I can Saturday morning then working 12 hours.

You ever wonder if all God is waiting on is for your to show  your faith and he'll show you the world.  I mean drop all pretenses pride and fears and just step out for him.  I've been thinking about that a lot lately.  My life feels ruled by past decisions and situations that I can not entirely let go of.  These along with my inability to come to a healthy conclussion about many of the present situations in my life right now.  There is much weighing on my heart right now and to have this odd feeling of God saying show yourself your faith and lets get this party started is really crazy.  Faith is from the Lord, we have belief but I truly believe faith is a gift from Him.  So sometimes I don't think its us showing our faith to Him but us showing our faith to ourselves.  Us saying "Hey idiot get off your keyster and get moving God's got your back you can do anything!!!".  Of course, we are dealing with humans and the distance between our hearts and our minds.  

I pray you are all doing well.  Thank  you for your continued support and encouragement it really does mean teh world to me.  Definitely makes me feel loved.

Have a blessed day.