MorbidFallenAngel's Xanga

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 06:29:31 GMT

well.. I can't talk. damn sore throat ohwell.. I'll live of course.

Explosions down in Valley Center... glad I live far enough away... but I was worried for the people I know that live there.... I went to school there after all. so far everyone I know is okay... and from those I can't get ahold of I'm sure they're alright also.. it's just everyone got evacuated because of the chemicals that is now released everywhere. I guess that's what happens when a Plant explodes. now I'm just worried about their pets... stuck in houses with nothing to eat.. everyone I have got a hold of was already out of town before it happened and none of them of course would know if something like this would happen... they say that they can return at 8 am this morning but I'm not sure if that means being able to pick up belongings and animals or actually go back home... had Darren stay the night... told Lelani and Erin they could also if it was alright with my parants but Lelani's mom seemed like she wanted to stay at the Colliseum and not alone. *she was okay with them spending the night* Kelly and Brian were on TV. neato.

well overall that's whats going on.. looks like I don't post on here that much and figured I should.. because they can't right now.. but I can. hmm.. maybe I can call Lelani and see if she wants to go to a movie.. of course I'll take her, her mom, Erin, and whoever else might be nearby. that's a maybe... I don't have very much moneys right now.. even though my bank statement says otherwise... I went kindof shopping happy especially considering that I started another diet... only lasted 2 days... I'm Hypo Glycemic. so I was having trouble waking up and feeling dizzy and weak... also couldn't concentrate on anything so I had to end it...

I just realized that I work probably one of the most stressfull jobs.. and I've been called every single name in the book... unfortunately for everyone though I'm very cold hearted and just don't really care. If people want to be angry.. I"m just going to let them be angry.

when one of the new stores open I'm hoping to transfer and move out to my fiancee's house. *in case I've never told anyone, yes we are engaged* which will mean even a closer drive and an excuse to move out. which I believe it's about time for me to do.. not out of anger but because I'm 21 and it's time for me to be more responsible. hopefully my store manager will allow me to transfer... I've heard bad things.. but I did ask him if I could transfer and he sounded like it will be alright.. but I don't know I've heard he's 2 faced... of course I'm going to try to Customer Service... if not I might even try for Customer Service Manager.. you never know and that would be another pay grade up...

Lelani said that she also wanted to transfer for the same store I'm going to but she is afraid of her store manager.. which I don't blame her because they wouldn't let my brother transfer to a closer store... then again nobody wanted my brother's position and Lelani just works as a cashier so they probably will allow her... hopefully

well anyway.. I'm going to go. got laundry and other things to do. now I can probably rest easier now that I got all this off my chest. writing my worries sure seems to help me.... even though I'm doing nothing more but wasting space and people's time. laters

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Tue, 29 May 2007 16:50:23 GMT

heyo. I'm here.. off work today. so.. been fixing more holes... it's interesting how many holes you can find in your room after being with them for 20 years... yep been in that room my whole life... well almost except the first 6(?) months... was in a different house... that house burned down... oh well we are all still alive.

fixing up my room isn't as easy as I thought it would be... I can actually use my closet... O.o. so much interesting things I found in there... like a family book of when John and I were babies... some pictures of when I was young before I started going to school.. hehe I was skinny....my parents wedding pictures too. well the book that survived the fire because lots of pictures were ruined... I need to try to find pictures of the damages that were caused.... I got the paper where we were in the front page "Man saves family" *man would be my dad... and yes this fire took place in the middle of the night*..

I want to buy a fan for my room before I start priming the walls and painting after that... then new carpet... then I plan on buying my own computer for my room and connecting it to the internet. so much work to do... it seems I don't take much time to myself anymore...

found my remote for the satalite tv in my room. put new batteries in it so now I'm back up to watching anime ^.^

Going to order more anime tonight... got a new air hockey table...

hopefully I go to the movies tonight... either 28 Weeks... or Pirate's of the Carribean ^-^. I want to see both.

I LOVE my job... I get to make people angry.. hehehe... it's very humorous actually... it's not my fault they have to take everything seriously and not understand our policies... I sometimes drop the policy... I'm not that bad.

well I believe I've said too much... I'm going to do some more sanding.

hahah.. now that I've reread this site.. nothing makes sense... but unfortunately I don't care. laters.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:26:13 GMT

well I'm still alive and in one piece.. <.<

life has been different for me

I got promoted... I'm still on probation but when that's over I get my pay raise... and I'm already currently no longer working as a cashier... muahahahhahahahahahaha... I think I might of messed up on some paper work and hopefully I won't get in too much trouble for that.. *crosses fingers*... but it's a lot easier.. not as stressful *well not until Christmas season*... and better pay.. *not sure yet til I get off of probation*... I also get to choose when I want to go to breaks or my lunch.. which is awesome... no more bagging items or putting that damn bags on lazy ass people's carts.... actually I did that for a while too... since they got to busy at the registers so I volunteered. it's mostly... returns... pay checks... money orders.... and money grams... my only problem is the money grams... they so confuse me... and if you haven't guessed where I work yet... it's Customer Service Desk. yay.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 00:07:39 GMT

well I got my bonus.. yay.. extra money... got Guitar Hero 2 plus an extra guitar... got a couple of games I wanted: Bullet Witch and Rogue Galaxy... got Naruto box season 2 uncut... since I already got the first one.... got Spiral complete collection... and plan on getting more stuff throughout the time... so basically in savings...

I can't stand work anymore.... I hate people and I hate myself.. everything angers me.... even other associates make me angry for just being there.... I hope to get a different job... that doesn't involve people...

found out a secret about the Nintendo DS... okay it's not a secret... but I didn't know... it can play Game boy advance games.... so my whole thought of needing a Game Boy Advance was just my crazy mind.....

and the anime I'm currently watching is Chrono Crusade... I highly recommend it from what I've seen... I love it. ^-^... a demon a nun and a apostle... what an interesting mix. hehehe.

well laters all... and hopefully I get a better job soon.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 07:19:24 GMT

see.. points to corner.. picture. don't I look like a dork. as if I care.

other news of the day..... remember when I said I can't get sick.... well I am sick... damn allergies.. can't they just go away... oh well back to work I go sneezing, sniffling and blowing my nose... if I had a choice I wouldn't go. laters.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 14:48:07 GMT

well.. I got my Driver's License renewed today. it was simple.. my pic sucks though because I didn't care at the moment. .

getting myself ready to go to my cashier's meeting today.. yippee. o.o

took a picture of myself a while ago.. got my hair in pig tails.. hehe. was bored... it's on a digital camera *my brother's*... hopefully he will either send the pic to this comp from his comp in his room or show me how to add it to this computer so I can post it on here... yay. sorry I'm feeling better than I used to about myself.. I've lost 23 pounds.. O.o. need to lose more. ^.^ slow working progress. I told my brother I want to get down to 150 lb... he thinks it might be impossible with my structure.. I think he might be right... I'm big boned... hehe... I guess I'll decide as I go.

I guess things are going alright.. at least for now.

going to Lelani b'day party this weekend... we decided since we didn't know what to buy eachother.. we would split on Guitar Hero II and keep it at Darren's house.

well I'm going to go and pace around the house again... laters.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 20:22:53 GMT

well.. another moment to update.. woot. hehe.

well my brother is doing alright so I'm glad.. in fact he is doing so well he is in New Orleans attending a concert. as for my friend.. we aren't sure yet... v.v

I've stopped the diet and I feel so much relieved. not much preparing anymore.. no more deli meats and no more spinach *yuck*. I'm still doing fairly well but I've stopped losing weight in a while. so I'm going back to semi normal foods... I'm eating breakfast now.. O.o. I'm not a breakfast person. but I've been feeling better and more energized and awake. okay enough with that...

I guess Aarin gave me Greg's cell number. not sure yet cause I haven't called.. I had to beat him up for it.. nah joking. I just told him I haven't seen or heard from him in a while... mainly because... I know where he lives or where he did live *if he moved again*. but I can't go over there... because it hurts Darren I guess... I wish I could be given some more freedom... I miss Greg and worry about him.. don't know why but I do.. and I think I worry about him more because I don't get to see him and someone doesn't want me to.. you know the whole entire tell me what not to do and I'll do. I miss going to church with him.. I miss the bonfires.. I don't know if he still goes to church so I don't want to go down there to be just by myself. v.v . if you read this greg. yeah I know. I miss ya.

also we got most the trees cut down.. so that means one thing... lots of fires once we get the permit ^-^ muahahahahahahhaa. hehe.

and you asked for my strengths... to be quite honest.. I don't believe I have any.. because when I point them out... the next day or so.. they seem to falter.. I'm not always the same way.. like I'm not always worrying and caring... sometimes I don't care... and sometimes I get angry about the exact same thing.... I don't really have any strengths... all I have is my stubborness and determined mind..... and I never find anything good about me.. because whenever I do try to think positive strengths I think about my downfalls.. so I have no clue.. I don't even know why I got friends. or anyone that cares... I can't even explain why anyone reads this... I look it over and find myself feel pitiful. lol. this is when my brother would say I'm being a mopey emo... not really... I just rather not think about it most of the time.

well I'm off to do laundry and possibly try to call Greg if given the correct number... nah.. I probably won't, he probably won't answer, or will be at work or not recognize my number. idk.. I'll just stare at the phone. laters.

5 more days til my b-day.. yay sweet 21.. I guess. all I know is I'm still alive.. I have decided.. once I turn 21 I will post a picture of *drumroll* myself... I hate having my picture taken because I don't really like looking at myself.. I hate mirrors.. don't know why.. just do. but I shall.. when eventually I can get a decent picture actually taken and when I actually either have time or just feel like it. I won't tell you when.. it will just pop up. ^-^. I just thought it would be fun. laters.

*EDIT* oh yes. I fixed my chat box at the top right... I hope it goes well again.

I'm in control in this domain
I feel at home inside the maze
It keeps me safe it keeps me clean
I step aside into the shade

I'm here to watch to read the signs
I walk alone I go unseen
From place to place in fading light
I move ahead along the tracks

Pre-millennium tension
Your premonition
Your guillotine

There's something wrong you feel it too
I read your mind an open book
I sense your fears it's in your bones
A grinding stone a crushing load

You dream at night in shallow sleep
The demons' breath is in the air
It will not pass these are the days
So pay attention you are not alone

Pre-millennium tension

Your premonition

Your guillotine

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 18:44:14 GMT

Well.. I'm still working at my place. just watching the time constantly.. constantly washes my hands after making contact with other *so I don't get sick*... and just there. today was boring... slow and boring.. my thing is I am a hard worker.. I do goof off when I have the exess time to do so. we just have stricter managers that don't care who you are, how much effort you put, or how you've done within the time... because they are the head of the gang and they have to power to do whatsoever they choose to. and that is the main thing driving me away from Walmart.. I might try to stay longer.. I can't get sick though.. something I don't think anyone can promise... which is bull.

my schedule is shocking me though.. it's been lousy lately.. and last week that got posted I was actually happy with. starting tomorrow my schedule is like this... 7:30 am- 4:30 pm Tue and Wed.... 9:30 am- 6:30 pm Thu.... 7:30 am- 4 pm Fri... 1 pm- 10 pm *i hate* Sat.... off Sun.... 7 am- 4 pm Mon.... 7:30 am-4:30 pm Tue.... 9:30 am- 6:30 pm Wed..... 1 pm- 10 pm Thusday the first of March.... .

...... good part is... Off Friday.... Off Saturday.... Off Sunday.... 7 am- 3 pm *cut an hour short but I don't mind since it will be my b-day*..... 7:30 am- 4:30 pm Tue, Wed, Thu, and Fri. yippee for good hours for once. I like to work the morning because I get my day with earlier.

other than that not much going on.. so I'm going to go watch some more anime. laters.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 18:01:37 GMT

Mood: I'm not sure

lol.. I'm not happy... but I'm not sad nor angry.. I'm just here I guess... more news

I was supposed to be terminated from my job last week... for being sick. I have sick hours and I used them... but it goes against you for being human. yeah I know I have to get in trouble then more than one strike.. but I had that Decision Day months ago with the $100 shortage... it doesn't get off my record for a year... and I got 3 strikes though afterward... I've supposedly showed up late 30 minutes *bullshit I'm there when my schedule tells me to.* Going home too early *incomplete shift, yes I admit. they told me to go home* and then a point for not going to work for being sick... so I was suppose to be terminated... but the CSMs talked to the managers about keeping me because they didn't want to lose me...

so right now.. I'm watching the time.. watching my schedule.. got my minature calender to mark everything down... and until I can get some more time.. I'm going to do some job hunting.. because it basically means that I can't ever be sick.. for at least 6 months.. but that a long time and I can't promise I won't get sick... so I got to go job hunting.. unless they change their damn nazi rules.

well other news than that right now is meaningless.. other than I'm going to see Ghost Rider tomorrow.. we all know how much I love fire. and motorcycles... I get tomorrow off.. then I work Sunday then I'm off Monday. yay..

well I guess other news is my 21 b-day is coming up here in 17 days. I don't think I'll do anything special.. besides all my b-days mean to me anymore is another year I didn't die.. sad isn't it. laters

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 08:47:34 GMT

well I'm feeling better... thanks for the comments and concern.

It's kindof strange to say why I felt that way... My brother and I have a weird mental communicater... I know it's weird.... If I'm angry, he get's angry. If I'm sad he gets sad and so on and vice versa... so it was a mixture of that and worried concern for another friend and a mixture of my A.D.D. *when things go bad I think about other bad things that I should just leave alone and look at the current problem*... I'm sure I'll see my friends again... I'll make sure they don't forget me somehow, but I will. So I guess I was feeling my brother's emotions because he was scared of how the surgery would go... but it's over... he says it feels better than before the surgery.. and he's happy to be away from work... so yeah. I guess things are going alright. now it's time for the next stress but I'm sure I'll make it through this.

I guess I was given strength that I couldn't see at the time. and it was kindof hard to see the strength when my hands hurt. I have this rash on them.. I bought some vitamin E lotion and they are no longer sore but they are still red and now they are itchy.. ohwell better than sore.

I do have people to tell my problems too.. it's just I don't like burdening people in front of them... I can't stand crying in front of people. sometimes the words never come up right. so I go to my little live journal and write.. This site has helped cope with alot of my problems. Even though some may be repetitive.

Thanks for that poem. It was lovely. I need to go back to my poetry... I've just haven't had the creative spark lately and when I do, I'm too busy.. I need to go back and find my folders of poems I have written. thank you.

laters all. I got to go back to work.