Pre Year-and-a-Month Analysis

It’s only been a couple months, but we’ve already seen the release of what may well become the second best movie of the year, Rambo, and the release of will be the worst movie of the year, In The Name of the King:  A Dungeon Siege Tale.  Needless to say, ITNOTK:ADST is Uwe Boll’s latest video-game adaptation effort, and also needless to say, it premiered at Number 14 during its first week of release, stayed in most theaters for only a week, and I never saw it.  However, I was disappointed to hear that Uwe Boll finally got the fucking hint, and has sworn off “big budget” video game flops and is now reserving his filmmaking abilities to small budget projects.  Now who will be the recipient of all my hatred?

I should mention that it wasn’t really ITKONADH:AJDUENG’s terrible reception that made Uwe Boll finally stop, but rather the legal loophole in Germany that guarantees the filmmaker a cushy tax shelter, but only if the movie flops, being eradicated.  I always knew all along that there had to be a reasonable explanation for why Boll’s movies were so awful, but the bitter, masochistic troll that is my heart always wanted to believe that there really was such a form of evil out there making terrible, terrible films on purpose.  Well, luckily for that nasty little troll (his name is Mordlo), this year I’ve bought a sizable chunk of Uwe Boll’s filmography, including a couple of his pre-video-game-adaptation films, and am going to review them all and hope I’m not driven to suicide.  Expect my special report when I can get my courage up.

In coming soon news, SXSW starts in a couple weeks.  I’ll be going again, if simply so I don’t have to put up with Trevor lording the fact that he went over me for the rest of the year.  2007 was kind of a learning experience for SXSW, and this year I know what I need, what I don’t need, and the fact that I can kill the hours of time standing in line by writing a journal which can be posted here for all the world to enjoy.  I may even get around to writing a report about last year!  Don’t get your hopes up, though.

However, I think the big news about this year came as something of a shock.  I was surfing the Internet recently when I came across a link that allowed me to view the new poster for the upcoming Mike Myers movie, The Love Guru.  Since I had nothing better to do, and because I work for an important Internet study that pays me literally dozens of dollars to click on every link I possibly can, I decided to check it out.  You can imagine my surprise when I saw this: