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MostPeculiarMomma
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Name: MPM
Interests: Reading Xanga, MySpace, and Facebook. Yes, I'm a Mom who knows how.
Expertise: Providing "the comforting flabby arms of a mother." (see Opus 10/31/04)
Doling out unsolicited advice, nagging -- the usual Mom stuff.
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
12/9/2003
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| Old fat ladies wantedI answered an ad requesting participation in a medical study for a 12-week program to study the effect of walking on a hormone that contributes to breast cancer. The ad specified "overweight post-menopausal women who can walk a mile in less than 20 minutes." I was the perfect candidate!
Enthusiastically I called the number. The study's initial screener seemed pleased to have a volunteer and told me that they also wanted to see if daily phone reminders and required log-ins would increase motivation for the walkers. I became eager to begin the program as she explained some of the other perqs: pedometer, gift certificate, etc. I could get my butt in gear, AND contribute to medicine and all womankind.
When she asked more specific questions regarding my health and weight, though, I became a little edgy. I had already volunteered myself as an old fat lady. Surely that humiliation should guarantee me a spot! "Your BMI needs to be between this and this, and if you are just 7 pounds heavier than what you've told me, you'll be ineligible." In other words, I would be considered above the "overweight" category, and into the other one beginning with "o" that I shall not name.
A few days later, I "passed" the overweight test and the mile walk test, had the blood drawn, filled out the paperwork, and clipped the digital pedometer to my waistband. The goal is to average 8000 steps (about 4 miles) per day by the end of 12 weeks. My sedentary lifestyle has me at less than 2000 per day. When I park my car at the far garage at work, I can easily get 5000. With a couple of walks with the dogs every now and then, I should have no trouble... except for one. Getting the dang walking shoes on is exhausting!!!
~MPM
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| I said that?Background - where I work, email addresses are assigned according to one's last name and the number of people who share that name. There is smith.1 to smith.7243, for example.
So I have a prospective student whose last name is Johnson, and I wanted to introduce him to some of our current students:
Me: So maybe you guys can swap email addresses. What's your dot number?
Student: It's .9423. It's huge!
Me: Well, it's a Johnson.....
Yes. I really did.
The really embarrassing part, though, is that one of our professors had to point out the gaff to me afterwards.
~MPM
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| Kudos to Cautious for being MPM's first test case! Too rough on him? Maybe, but MPM promised brutally honest.
It's emancipating to have a forum where the politically correct roles of counselor and real mom can be abandoned. MPM wants to say what she really REALLY thinks. Besides, all of us could use a thwack-across-the-head approach now and then.
~MPM | | |
| A reader writesDear MPM:
I think I still like my ex-girlfriend from a couple years back. We're
friends now, but I don't know how/if I should broach the subject.
-Cautious
Dear Chickenshit:
You THINK you still like her? WTH? Thwack across the back of your head.
Yes or no? Do you or don't you? Stop being such a wuss and make up your pansyass mind. No woman worth pursuing wants to deal with your indecisiveness.
Nothing is hotter to a woman than a man who speaks his mind, especially when it comes to stating his affection for her. Add romance to it, and she's yours. MPM suggests six mixed-color long-stem roses, symbolizing the various emotions you hold for her. The flowers should come with a note explaining the symbolism, and asking if she will accept them all. If she keeps only the yellow one, you still have a friend.
Keep us posted.
~MPM
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| Dear MPMI think I would like to start a Dear MPM advice column.
Anyone want to receive brutally honest advice with a touch of wit?
~MPM
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