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| Inspired by indexed
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| how to flyforget everything you've learned about gravity. if you took high school fzx with mr. sanders, you're off to a good start. flying has nothing to do with defying gravity. just ignore it. sir issac was trippin; force = mass * acceleration, my ass. the only force you need is that of the jedi, my friends.
the first step in flying is to jump. whether this is performed from ground or off a building is up to you. by jumping, you momentarily create a space between you and the object you just left (say, of height x). your expectations would have you believe that this space is only locally maximized with respect to time because of the preconceived notion that the air maintains a rigid structural density, particle for particle. as a matter of fact, the gaseous nature of air leaves it to be virtually infinitely malleable (represented by red circles in figure above), thus allowing the possibility of expansion to a temporarily less dense state (essentially gaining a height y*). however, since the air as a system of the environment will try to balance itself back to equilibrium, expansion of the space beneath you necessitates a simultaneous collapse of equivalent magnitude of the air above (step #2).
don't be discouraged if you fail the first couple of times; it's a precise art that requires disciplined practice. once this step is perfected, however, you should find yourself in a slightly elevated position (with respect to ground) in a spacially distorted frame of reference. the next step is to convert the gained height, y, to a "normal" frame of reference. this can be accomplished by guiding a precise amount of air particles from above you to below you allowing the system to return to a uniformly dense state (step #3). this is where aerodynamics kicks in; slimmer, straighter figures have the advantage with respect to verticle particle redistribution (and you thought the superman pose was just for aesthetics). you should now be have achieved a state of particle flux equilibrium at a height of x+y above the ground.
remember now that x was the height of your inital jump, and y originates from the expansion/collapse of air particles around you. it helps that you visualize these "blocks" of air as separate objects. the block directly beneath you of a height, x, will be referred to as the "x-object", and the remaining space as the "y-object". to achieve the effect of flying, you have to repeat the previous steps (from step #2), starting with expanding the x-object and ending with the creation of a new y-object. the effect of "gravity" will continuously elevate particles from x- and y-objects to their original occupation, bringing the system back to an inert state†.
horizontal gain is achieved by the same principles, but there is no need for a self-correcting force such as gravity, since the domain is infinite: expansion/collapse "above" in the horizontal plane is equivalent to its counterpart "below" (think of earth as a sphere).
of course, all of this is impossible without knowing how to manipulate particles in the first place. feel free to read up on it in my book, The Theory of Four-Dimensional Transport Phenomenon☺, only $699.99 and in stores now!
* the magnitude of y is proportional to your own particle manipulation abilities
† if you think of the environment as a computer program, the x-object
behaves like a temporarily allocated variable while the y-object is put
on a FILO stack. every iteration of the previous
steps "pushes" a y-object on the stack, while gravity continuously
"pulls" from it
☺related supplemental reading: How to Acheive Multiple Orgasms ($1349.99).
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| the end of the track is your final destination. your journey doesn't end until you reach your final destination. but since the track is circular, the end can be thought of as the beginning. thus, the final destination IS the beginning, with an infinite journey in between.
consider this:
1
---- = 0
∞
now rotating both sides of this equation by 90 degrees (counter-clockwise) gives:
- 1 8 = 0
add 8 to both sides
- 1 0 = 8
again rotating both sides of the equation by 90 degrees gives:
0
---- = ∞
1
but since anything divided by 1 is itself....
0 = ∞
you're welcome for blowing your mind
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| non-original storyA baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in
Cleveland in 1945. "Jane" grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her
parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She
falls in love with him. But just when things are finally looking up for Jane, a
series of disasters strike. First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then
disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery, doctors find that Jane has
both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they are forced to surgically
convert "her" to a "him." Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from
the delivery room.
Reeling from these disasters, rejected by society, scorned by
fate, "he" becomes a drunkard and drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents
and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he
stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop's Place, and spills out his pathetic
story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the
chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the
condition that he join the "time travellers corps." Both of them enter a time
machine, and the bartender drops off the drifter in 1963. The drifter is
strangely attracted to a young orphan woman, who subsequently becomes
pregnant.
The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby
girl from the hospital, and drops off the baby in an orphanage back in 1945.
Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist
in the time travellers corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together,
becomes a respected and elderly member of the time travellers corps, and then
disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with
destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop's Place in 1970.
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shiet... if i had sex with myself and gave birth to a hermaphrodite... it'd look something like this:
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| Hi XangaYeah, it's been a while. No one reads this anymore, but I felt like writing here because I had a dream last night that people still updated. So I checked this morning and found to my dismay that 'twas not the case. But then I got bored and started reading people's old posts and realized how much I missed the community... more personal than facebook, not as sketchy as myspace, and was until recently pretty easy to navigate through. So here is me typing away, taking a break from watching 14 straight episodes of Batman Beyond since yesterday, with nothing to say....
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