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MrScottiep
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Name: Scottie
Birthday: 3/16/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: Pirates, Spys, Ninjas, traveling, Jason Stauffer, movies, hippie music, raman noodles, outdoors type stuff, redeing and riteing, Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, Australia, not Antartica.
Expertise: I am pretty good at foosball, and I like to eat pizza.
Occupation: Education/training
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
5/1/2005
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| "Some of us laugh, even in our darkest hour. Never leave lonely alone." ~ Ben Harper
Ok, so I am aware that I promised to update after big adventures, and I fully intend to make good on that promise, but all too often I need to be inspired to write down my thoughts, and inspiration is not always conducive to the up-beat adventure of my life blogs that people want to read. I am in the mood to write now though, but I can't promise it will be entertaining. I'll do my best, I'll probably be brief.
Over Christmas break I went to three different countries, Singapore, Malaysia, and Cambodia in that order with Eric, a fellow RA out here in Korea. To start I'll do my best to describe Singapore. There is a scene in the movie the Last Emperor where the young emperor is playing a game where people would push there faces into a hanging sheet and the boy would try to guess who it was. I feel like this is the best way to describe Singapore. At the core of it there is an Asian culture, but basically a big western sheet has been thrown over top so all you can see is a western city with the imprint of an Asian culture.
In Singapore:
-first we went to China town
- we visited a giant statue of a half fish half lion creature called the Merlion (like mermaid, but lion)
- while walking around I saw my first ever Islamic street evangelist, it was kinda cool
-we went on the Ducktour. It was a half boat half car vehicle.
-on the tour we saw the world's largest floating stage, and as always the wold's "-est" anything is really cool.
-we enjoyed the Christmas lights on Orchard St.
-we spent an afternoon at the zoo and watched them feed the white tigers...awesome.
-met up with a past student in Singapore for coffee
- returned to the zoo for the night safari, man, I love animals, they are so cool.
-my first Hard Rock Cafe experience ever was in Singapore
In Malaysia:
Eric and I then went to Malaysia to meet up with a bunch of other staff
for the Boarding Conference. We did not do as much touristy stuff, but
we did have fun hanging out on the beach. I wouldn't say a had a fair
glimpse of Malaysia as far as cultural observations go, so I'll refrain
for the time being.
- I ate poo, literally. Ok, so technically there's a Thai dish called
poo and it's basically just a crab omelet, but I did order it just so I
could say, "I ate poo"
- There may or may not be another body of water that I can say I have
been naked in. At 11am one sunny morning the Straights of Melaka I
graced the water with my, ahem, presence.
- One night we did hit up the night market, and ate dinner there
- don't ask me how I know this, but I am pretty sure our hotel had a gay Indian dance club in it.
- on the last night of the conference we went to this Indian restaurant
where we saw an AMAZING magic show, and by AMAZING, I mean
awful...awfully amazing.
In Cambodia:
We spent our time in Siem Reap while we there, and we met up with a
friend of mine and some of her friends that are working for an
organization called Sustainable Cambodia. It was really stellar to
meet people doing great work in the thick of it as well as seeing the
incredible remains of a gorgeous civilization.
- We saw the ruins Ankor Wat, Ankor Tom
- They set you up with a driver and tour guide (for a fee of course),
and lets just say it was interesting to say the least. At one point we
watched as our taxi driver bribed a police officer to get out of a
ticket, and by the end of the tour I gave up even trying to understand
a word our guide said because his English was so hard to follow.
- we did not feed the wild monkeys at Ankor Wat, that will only encourage them.
- We watched the sunset on Ankor from Bakaeng Mt.
- We went to River of a 1000 Lingas, which was nice just to be out in the woods and hiking again. I miss the woods.
- We went to the Land mine museum. Very somber.
 
So that's my Christmas break in short. It was a great time, and it was really wild all that I saw in just a couple of weeks.
It's interesting to do some reflection on life sometimes, especially after everything I just wrote. Something I have been thinking about a lot lately is roots. The idea of planting roots somewhere and making it my home. Seeing as I moved every couple of years growing up, I don't really have that. By the end of next year I'll have lived in Korea longer than I have lived anywhere in my life. I don't know, it just seems like this place is a bit of stretch to say this is the closest I have ever had to having roots, and I was wondering why. I think it has something to with the fact that it's always changing here. People leave as quickly as the come, and obviously the students always leave and change as well. So the closest thing I have to foundation/roots in my life is constantly shifting. Isn't that the way of it sometimes? I feel like too often there's nothing solid, nothing to reach for, nothing to hold on to. I was recently discussing with a friend my current state in life and as we looked at it, I am really back to ground zero. There's a lot of freedom in that, but there's also a dangerous amount of hopelessness attached. What do you do when God literally cuts all the strings attached to you? Do I fall crumple into a heap like a marionette or do a fly away like a kite? Obviously there are some big changes in my life on the horizon, but I have no idea what they are...I just hope I am ready for it when it hits...then again, maybe it's all just speculation. All that to say- What should I do with my life, I am currently taking suggestions? (We have until next Oct. to figure it out). I don't think I mind putting my heart on my sleeve so much this post because I don't think I have that many readers left anyways, and that's ok.
Thanks for the prayers, Keep it real.
| | |
| "Standing in front of the black wall, lots
of names carved in
Trying to make a little bit of sense of it all, where do I begin" ~Bill
Mallonee
A couple of weeks ago, I went to Vietnam. It was Chusok here, Korean
Thanksgiving, and so we had a week off of school, and a group of 6 decided to
head off. There were 4 teachers and 2 dorm staff on the trip. Me
and Eric proudly represented the dorm staff, while Brian, Julie, Angela, and
Liz were the teachers. Brian and Julie did an incredible job of planning
the trip with handful of touristy sites and what not, and also we had some time
to chill out.
We arrived in Ho Chi Minh city
late Saturday night to stay at a 5 star hotel called the Omni, let me just say
it was ridiculously nice, and yet affordable. It was the type of place where I
felt awkward walking through the lobby, because I was under dressed. Not
my typical style of travel, but considering I'll probably never afford to
travel like that any where else in the world, I didn't mind at all. Everything
was super cheap in Vietnam
by the way. Ho Chi Minh is more commonly known to westerners as Saigon,
and when talking to our tour guide about it he said that the people of Saigon
prefer to call it Saigon, so that's how I'll
refer to it from now on.
You can't visit Vietnam
with out visiting the effects of the Vietnam war. I won't dignify the
word war with a capital W. So it's about 50 years, and man, I wish I had
paid more attention in high school history class, because seeing the impact you
can't help but be moved. I wish I could explain how I was moved, or what
emotions I felt, but it was all so jumbled, it's hard to express, but I'll do
my best. That first day we visited the War Remnants
Museum, which basically
just a small museum with photos from the war and facts about it.
From there we took these funny little bike rickshaws that seat one person, but
of course they had us put 2 people on it, to the market. Where of course
the drivers tried to scam me out of money right away. The market was
pretty standard as far as South East Asia goes, lot's of shops all selling the
same touristy things, and lots of people trying to call you into their shop to
buy whatever it is they have; and once your in, the game of negotiation begins.
It's funny though, because of the exchange rate, once you're in that situation
you find yourself negotiating for a few cents, it's all kind of frustrating
actually. After that we went back to the hotel to go swimming and
celebrate being in Saigon.
The next day 2 days we had a tour guide named Binh (pronounced Ben), which mean
Peace in Vietnamese. He was a really cool guy. First thing he did
was take us to a factory where handicapped people would make
"paintings" out of egg shell, which they oddly had painted on all the
signs for the place.
From there Binh took us to the CuChi tunnels. This part of the trip
was crazy, actually seeing the tunnels, seeing the craters in the ground from
bombs dropped. There was a point early on in the tour where they let us
crawl through an actual tunnel (they also had a tourist tunnel later on in the
tour). So Brian, Julie, and myself squeezed through the small hole
to get into the tunnel, I came out on the other side covered in mud, and I had
been smacked in the head numerous times by bats, lots of bats. It was
awesome.
Then they showed us just how the Viet Cong (VC)
had survived during the war, and just what their lives looked like. These
people, they new their business. They showed us some the crazy traps they
would set up, how they would make the tunnels and traps, and even
clothing. They had sandals made from old car tires, which you can still
buy. So when we reached the tourist tunnels I was following a guard who
was leading us through, and this guy was a good 6 inches taller than me, and he
was running through the tunnels like they were nothing, I was thoroughly
impressed. Ok, as some of you may know, I had never fired a gun,
ever. I am not a fan of anything designed for the sole purpose of killing
(I realize I just made a controversial statement). I have a confession;
I can no longer say I have never fired a gun. At the end of the tour they
have guns that you can pay to fire. So it's true I have fired a gun, but
in my defense it was AK47, I mean, how many times ever would I get a chance to
fire one? I also fired an M16. Now that brings into question the
morbidity of going on a tour about war, and then firing an assault rifle at the
end. Well I don't have answer except I like to try new things.
So on the way back to our hotel from the tunnels we stopped
at a rest stopped. So everywhere you go, you see these bottles with a yellow
liquid, and a dead cobra inside, also sometimes other snakes and
scorpions. I thought it was just for show, so I made a joke with the lady
at the counter, "you drink it right?" Thinking I was being
funny, and she says, "would you like to try some?" Keeping in
mind what I have just written about trying new things, it was pretty much a
must do. So Brian and I drank a small bit of Cobra Juice straight out of
the bottle on the counter, and now I am pretty sure I have super powers.
Either I can read minds or I am hearing voices, either way, it's awesome!
The next day Binh took us on a boat tour of the Saigon delta, one of our first stops was at a Chinese temple
for Taoism. Talk about interesting, so the burn TONS of incense there,
and they believe the smoke brings their prayers to God. Then they will
pray as they shake a box of sticks with numbers on them and then when a stick
falls out they take 2 blocks and throw them on the ground, if the blocks match
up, they know they have the right stick. They take their stick to the
front desk where there a bunch of numbered pieces of paper with fortunes on
them, and that's how they find out what's going to happen to them. Wild
eh?
After that he took us to some small islands and villages where I got to hold a
python and where we took a canoe ride through the jungle wearing those cool
hats you see in Vietnam
so often. At one point we reached a bridge, but we could get under it
because the tide was in and there was another boat stuck on the other side, so
we all got out of our boat and jumped into the other one in order to get it to
sink low enough to pass under the bridge, but alas, I am just not big
enough.
The next day we caught a small plane to the Island of Phu Quoc. We stayed at a pretty
nice resort while we were there, in beach side bungalows. So it was kind
of weird though, it was a lot like a ghost town. The resort was kind of
worn down, and empty. It could be that it was the off season, but it was
still kind of creepy, like the town was dying or something. On the upside,
we basically had the beach to ourselves for a few days. I of course, got a sunburn the very first
day. I also can now say that I have been
naked in the China Sea! After a couple of days we grabbed a plane
back to Saigon and then flew home to Korea. It was an amazing trip!
I want to write a little bit about an observation I made
while I was there about the people. They
were amazing, the service was above and beyond, and the people were so nice and
kind especially to tourists. For
example, the traffic in Saigon is INSANE,
there are no lights or traffic signals you just go and there are thousands of
scooters everywhere, and if you want to cross the street, you just walk across
slowly as cars and bikes driving around you.
If a police man sees a tourist though, he will run and stop traffic so
they can cross the street. Granted that’s
a small thing, but in so many other areas the people are so nice, waiters will
just be really friendly, people will let you go first in line, etc etc. It’s all kind of unnerving actually, because
in theory these people should hate Americans.
I asked Binh about it, and he tells us that the people in Vietnam have
learned from the destruction of war and don’t want to repeat it. Bitterness doesn’t help. They don’t want the world to think of the Vietnamese
as the people from war time, but see them as the loving and welcoming people
they are. He explained to me that his
people were really just “chess pieces” during that time; their homes were
ripped apart for a game of chess between communism and democracy. I don’t know how to feel. It wasn’t my generation, but it all defined a
generation. I guess I just hope to learn
from them, learn to forgive and love, even when people don’t deserve it.
While thinking of wars that defined a generation, please
throw up prayer for Kristy Grant, she’s headed off to Iraq.
Thanks for the prayers, keep it real.
| | |
| "When you pursue your personal legend, all the universe conspires in your favor." ~Paulo Coelho [paraphrased]
I realize that I have been truant in regards to my xanga . I should let you know I will be continuing in this pattern, but if you can handle the long delays between posts when ever something exciting or interesting happens I will be sure to update you on it. This post will be dedicated to my summer, which was busy, but awesome.
I returned from my last semester in Korea to North East Pennsylvania on July 1st. I spent a week at home and during that time I met up with my friend Jeremy for some taco bell action. Going to the States for the summer is officially a weird experience. It's always a time for processing of the past year, and reflection, but also a time to form personal goals for the coming year. I bring this up now, because dinner with Jeremy was the beginning of this process for me through out the summer, and let me just say it was a magnificent summer for reflection.
After that first week with my family, I returned to the first summer camp I ever worked at, to spend a week as a counselor again. Dude, it was so amazing! It had been 5 years since I had last worked there, and just getting out there and doing camp again was so much fun. The staff was great as well, it so refreshing to see Camp Hebron still producing quality staff. To wrap up the week that last weekend there was the 50th reunion of all the summer staff, where there some serious legends coming out of the wood work. Revisiting that period of my life was really rejuvenating for me. I was fortunate enough to have to of my closest camp friends ever be working there, Ben and Rodney, and that was definitely one of the highlights of my summer. I miss how much we tease each other, laugh with each other, challenge each other, and encourage each other. Those are good people
 
From there a group of us [Stauffer, Curt, Phil, and Ondeck] from Ship
met at Hebron and headed to New York City for one of the greatest
concerts I have ever been to in my life...DISPATCH!!! We weren't able
to sit with each other so we all got meet new friends. From there, I
went to Brooklyn and spent the weekend with Griffis. We went to see
Mama Mia on Broadway and then went to dinner and the Brooklyn Bridge,
it was a great time.
Ok, so here's another interesting thing about coming back to the states
for the summer, I feel like a tourist. I am not returning home, but i
am visiting the USA! With that in mind, I decided that no matter what
the circumstances I was going to go see some things in the US that I
hadn't seen yet, so I borrowed my mom's van and went to Maine, alone.
I went to Acadia National Park and watched the sunrise on the US. Let
me just say that place is gorgeous, I really miss the majesty of the
nature the states while i am out here in Korea. While in Maine, i
toured the park, and ate lobster. The morning I watched sunrise was
gorgeous, but then it started to rain and didn't stop for the entire
time I was on my road trip, the thing was, it was still amazing. From
there I went to Vermont and saw the Ben and Jerry's factory, and then
from there I went to New Hampshire and had dinner with my friend Jimbo
from Camp California, so great to see him again, a walk down memory
lane for sure.
 
After my New England road trip, I went to Stauffer's house for the
night where we started planning out our sailing world tour. We also
went for ice cream and apparently some girls there at the ice cream
shop thought we were so good looking that we were gay. The next day we
went to a pig roast back at Camp Hebron; they roasted their pet pig for
the summer, it was hilarious. The day after that I drove to Ship and
had lunch with the Kosers and the Keenes.
The next few days were with the folks, but I had dinner with the
Skinkers, from there we flew out to Kansas City for a family reunion.
The first of it's kind...ever! Some of the cousins there I had never
met before and the others it had been maybe 10 years since I had seen
them, it was wild. Unfortunately I was sick the whole so spent the
first half of the reunion in bed, but the last day I was well enough to
attempt to be social. I loved seeing my brothers! Then I packed up
and a day later, on August 1st, I departed for another year in Taejon,
South Korea!
[I tried to upload some photos of this but it wouldn't let me, sorry about that]
So it was a profound summer of reflection. It's interesting to think
about how people view you in different places, and how well that person
is accepted. Once you made a reputation for yourself, it's pretty
tough to shake it, that's for sure. One thing I realized this summer
is that I am stepping further and further away from religion with each
passing day, and this is something that's not easy for some people to
grasp. In contrast, each step away from religion is one step closer to
spirituality, but even still some people will not see this as a good
thing, and will not understand why I wish the same for them. I have
also realized that by taking these steps that my life and faith must be
exponentially more proactive. I need to be a living example of love,
above and beyond. I have seen what happens when you step away from
religion and closer to spirituality with out being proactive, and let
me just say it has an appearance of hopelessness and depravity. But if
I am going to be displeased with the world, I had better be prepared to
change it, or at least try to. I think your faith is defined by how
proactive you are in it. I know that was kind of a heavy shift from
the rest of the post and if you have questions please feel free to ask,
but there it is. Those are my reflections and goals that arose from
the summer
Thanks for the prayers, keep it real!
| | |
| "Father forgive me, for I have not believed, like Mother India. I have groaned and grieved. Father forgive me, I forgot your grace, your spirit falls on India and captured me in your embrace" ~Caedmon's Call
Last Sunday evening, I returned to my home in Korea, from spending spring break in India at an orphanage out side of Bangalore. Monday I thought I was miserably sick, I will spare you the gory details of the symptoms, but lets just say if I wasn't in the bathroom, I was in bed for about 30 hours straight until the fever broke. It's the Wednesday after the trip and even though re-entry was a little rough, I wouldn't change it for the world, and would go back in a heart beat...here's the story...
Things that seem important quickly become trivial when you are faced
with the reality that others live and thrive in daily. India is the
meeting point of 2 of the world's major religions, neither of which is
Christianity. A country that, in theory, feels like it's ready to
burst out in violence, but has taken a route of peaceful resolution to
their conflicts, thanks to Ghandi. It's really something I think
Christians can learn from. The average income of a high end computer
engineer is about $1000 a month, the average income for a blue collar
laborer is about $50 a month. Our plane arrived late at night into a
bustling city of Bangalore, where we ate dinner at 11pm an Indian
buffet and spent the night. The next day in 90 degree heat, we took a
2 hour bus ride with out AC out into the country side. It was like
something out of National Geographic.
We arrived at the orphanage to
rows of 120 beautiful children sitting quietly until the moment we
walked in where there was a chorus of "WELCOME AUNTIES, WELCOME UNCLES"
in unison...From there it took a turn from good to simply amazing!
After we set our luggage down, the children sucked us in! Even if I
had wanted to be shy they wouldn't have let me, one girl grabbed me by
the wrist and said, "Come on, we are going to teach you how to play."
Frankly, that was an understatement. These children had little to
nothing and yet they knew how to play. They would invent their own
games, on the spot. We had brought them jacks, but none of us knew how
to play, so the children invented their own game using the jacks as a
sort of spinning top, it was ingenious and hilarious. It had been
over a year since they had seen any rain, the earth was dry there, very
dry. They never knew when they would have running water or electricity
for that matter, but they never seemed to care.
Ok, here are some highlights from the trip, in no particular order:
- the name of the orphanage was Beulah home
-the students that joined the trip were UH-mazing!!! I loved those
girls, they all have huge hearts and were great!!! I really feel like
a protective big brother now for them.
- I got to wear sandals everyday!
-When we awoke the first morning, I went out onto the roof and heard
the chorus of Indian children singing, it was perhaps the most
beautiful thing I have ever heard, and we had it going every morning.
- That first night during craft I got to be a paper salesman, selling it for the low low price of FREE!
- call: "I am going to brush my teeth" response: "Good idea"
- It wasn't uncommon for us to loose electricity in the evening, so
often we would do crafts by candlelight hoster by C.Barr and crew.
Until the candles were distributed the children would bust out in
song. The first night I was in awe with a rendition of "Open the Eyes
of my Heart", try to hold back the tears if you can.
-One night to unwind as a team we played Broccoli Broccoli, if you don't know this game your loss. Minji is a threat, be wary.
- One day we brought the children a suit case full of books, over 120.
The director of Beulah home almost started and crying, and the children
just dove right into them, they were so excited!
- One night Sally taught the electric slide then we got to see the
different kids do a dance presentation. The little ones did one and
let me just say absolutely hysterical and beautiful! If i can figure
out how to add video, I'll post it for you guys.
-They taught us a new game they invented called Lagori. It's kind of
like dodge ball, but there is a stack of rocks involved as well. It's
hard to explain, so we'll have to play some time.
- You could watch the trees and see wild parrots every where, it was cool.
- "As Singles, we need to hug each other more." uh...ok, if you insist.
- as some of you might know, I am not much of kids person. I love
teens and working with them, but younger kids are not my cup of tea so
to speak. That being said in my notebook I have written down these
simple words "Wednesday I fell in love." And by that, I mean the
children. Spend any time with these children and it was impossible not
to fall in love with them. I have too many stories that I could share
about the individual children to write down, maybe someday in my
memoirs.
- the last day we where there, I went to the roof with some of the boys
and they showed me their home made kites. As weird as this may sound,
for me, it was a symbol of their unbridled optimism and hope for their
futures. They refused to be held down! If you closely at their kites,
you can see why they are so beautiful. If you don't see it, that's ok,
you just need to go to India 
- On a personal note, as to why India is amazing, if you're a man with
out a mustache you are in a large minority. Mustaches are
EVERYWHERE!!!!! Frankly, it's one of the most beautiful things I have
ever seen (next to the children at the Beulah home)
- We had a day and half to tour Bangalore, where we went shopping,
visited a palace, and ate a lot of food. The waiters at restaurants
are notoriously rude there, it's hilarious. "What do ya want! c'mon
hurry up!"
-At the Palace we got to see the King's son, yeah so that was cool.
- We went shopping on our last day, and we got there by a train of rickshaws. So much fun!
- On the shopping day I bought a few souvenirs relatively quickly, and
then I hung out at a coffee shop, drinking Snapple, eating samosas (not
to be confused with smores), and people watching.
- The last night there, Brian and I were in a room with literally
hundreds of mosquitoes. We were both eaten alive that night, Brian got
the worst of it. It was super hot, so we couldn't cover ourselves in
blankets, so we basically just had to take. I eventually had
everything but my mouth covered up in protection from the bugs of death
and they bit me on the lips. Hands down, the worst night there.
All in all, the trip was phenomenal, and as always these kind of trips
give you a greater appreciation for what you have. I wish my students
could all go on something like this. I wish I could wrap this up more
eloquently or thoughtfully, but words really don't do it justice.
Enjoy the photos.
Thanks for the prayers. Keep it real.
| | |
|  | Currently Watching
Stranger Than Fiction
By Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah, Emma Thompson, William Dick (III), Guy Massey (III), Martha Espinoza, Christian Stolte, T.J. Jagodowski, Peter Grosz, Ricky Adams, Denise Hughes, Peggy Roeder, Tonray Ho, Tony Hale, Danny Rhodes, Helen Young, David Pompeii, Linara Washington
see related |
"Who in their right might, if had a choice between living and pancakes would choose pancakes?"
"Harold, if you'd pause to think, I believe you would realize that that answer would be strictly contingent between the type of life being led, and of course the quality of the pancakes." ~Stranger than Fiction
Well it's another Lunar Break here in South Korea. I am not really sure what to write about, but I feel like writing so I am going to grace my few remaining readers with some words. Some highlights since my trip to Thailand over Christmas...I bought my first new pair of glasses in almost 10 years. I have joined a fantasy NASCAR league. We got a handful of new students in our dorm this semester. A cool crew, I can tell they are going to be an adventure to say the least. I have a new group of 8th graders for my 8th grade Bible class, oh yeah, I am a teacher now apparently. The weather is warming up, and as we all know, I am a big sissy when it comes to cold weather, so that's been huge. Basketball season is finally over, so now we can use the gym for floor hockey, it's my chance to trick my peers into thinking i have some semblance of athletic ability...suckers.
As for Lunar, I have basically gone to great lengths to make sure I spent everyday in some form of physical pain. Granted, I have only myself and poor exercising habits to blame for it, so I figure the masochism is probably good for me. We've played indoor soccer, outdoor soccer, multiple games of floor hockey, multiple nights of airsoft, and on top of all that Tuesday night I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled. But folks fear not, I have balanced the physical pain with a healthy dose of mustache. That's right, I have managed to sport a ridiculously hideous mustache the entire break.
This makes me think of something cool about Korea. One thing I love about this place is I can wear anything I want or have my hair however I want as well. They are very open minded here about personal fashion, the more ridiculous you look the more it's generally excepted, so a hideous crustache (combination of 'crust' and mustache') is not only excepted but probably extolled. Unfortunately and unexpectedly I had a bout of self-consciousness when I left the safety of South Korea and entered onto the US military base on Wednesday for some delicious Taco Bell (thanks to the Adams for the highlight of my break). Let's all take a moment to be thankful for the fashion freedom we can encounter in this country, many countries are not nearly as fortunate as I am to have the freedoms that Asians have fought so hard to preserve. To think, there are some countries where people make fun of other people because of the cloths they wear, but I have a flannel from the 90's that says grudge rock never died, and a pair of fake leather pants that says even a short, skinny guy can be sexy, and a white see-thru shirt that says "men can wear women's clothing as long as they say its from Thailand". So to those of you who are not as fortunate to live in a country with fashion freedom, I can only hope that someday we can invade you and "liberate" you of your fascist fashion (pun intended, I know , it's bad).
[please play Collide by Howie Day as you read this next part, because I was playing it as I wrote it and it sounded cool in my head]
On an unrelated note, you ever feel like you're in way over your head? That seems to be a common theme in my life, but perhaps that's where I need to be- in over my head. Sometimes it feels so hard to be human, like because I say I am a Christian, I am not allowed to be human, that I need to be "above that". It's come to my attention that no matter how hard I try I am still a top notch tool, I mean there's nothing I can do about it. I try to "do" the right things, I try to "be" the right things, I try to "say" the right things, but I can't no matter how hard I try. I was lying in bed the other night just pondering the mysteries of the universe as usual, and it came to me, some great epiphany..."Life is hard." Yes, pretty revolutionary eh? (note sarcasm) As I was lying there though, I realized that life was hard, no matter what. It's not like life is hard for me, but easy for him or her. Life is hard for everyone, whether you're rich or poor, alone or loved, successful or a failure...life is going to be hard. I have been blessed beyond my imagination, I would never have imagined 10 years ago how sweet my life would be by the time I was 25 but even still, there are going to be ups and downs. It makes me think about in Genesis when man is cursed to "toil in his work", translate "Dude, life's gonna be hard". I was watching Scrubs today, and Dr. Kelso says "Nothing worth having comes easy." Sometimes I feel like nothing comes easy, nothing at all. In those moments, I just want to leave it all behind, just get up and run away. I don't though. I just started to write that "in those moments I know I am there for a reason", and I realized that's not true, I don't always feel that, I wish I could be so sure and confidant, but I can't, I am human. What I do know is that "nothing worth having comes easy", and I remind myself: life is hard...for everyone. I am not alone, even when I am.
[edit: the people have spoken]
glasses
mustache
thanks for the prayers. keep it real.
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