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SHIFT: The hardest part about taking that step forward is knowing that your footprints are bound to be erased by the marking of someone else. Regardless of how charismatic, motivated, or original as you feel that you are, there is always an equivalent trailing right behind you waiting to fullfill whatever hole you've left in your tracks. Memories fade, torches get passed down and after a while you become a ghost of something that used to matter. Perhaps it shouldn't matter. Perhaps a genuine act should remain a faceless entity. Perhaps if you really care, you shouldn't be concerned with being accredited or remembered for whatever ripple you've set in the world. I had what I had when I needed it...when it needed me. So I file forward for the next generation, knowing that I am bound to be the next generation of something else. Generations may shift...but luckily, so do priorities. LAYERS: This is a world of strands...strands that represent what we are, and strands of ourselves that we use to interpret everything else. I think we all have the same qualities within us. Some may seem more subtle and others may seem too extreme. Nonetheless, we always have a source for identifying with each other. It's about the folds behind the smile...the wrinkles behind the frown. It's about a mutual understanding that the surface conveys a mirage of our complicated souls. It's about taking a deeper look...a complicated look. Ironically, it's the things that seem the most obvious that turn out to be the least transparent. GROUND: It often takes hanging on the ledge of a cliff to realize the definition of support. It's those moments when I'm sitting at the edge of the world that I come to terms with the value of common ground. I used to embrace the ups and condemn the lows in my life, but I'm beginning to realize that light can be just as blinding as darkness. It all boils down to the after effect. The best gifts in life tend to come wrapped up in predicaments. In that sense, life isn't really a sea saw of highs and lows. It's a variation of possibilities. | | |
| No I have not been kidnapped by the norweigen mafia, nor did I suffocate in your grandmothers crotch....again. To be honest, I've had an aggregation of thoughts, recaps and private entries I've been wanting to bring to the forefront but not enough bench time to condense them arbitrarily. Alas, update in progress....xanga world, I haven't given up on you just yet. Quick update: since you've last seen me I've joined Culture Shock LA (in addition to kaba), been engulfed by grad school at USC, gotten a gat pulled on me in rosarito, arm wrestled a basketball pole, sold my body for a bus ride in Hollywood, bumped heads with Adam Sandler, gotten vomitted on thrice and so much more. Here are some photo snippets from my summer thus far:
    
    
    
     
    
    
    
     
     
POISON: It's the bigger person in me that haunts my step backwards to that cold crack in my heart....and even now that the ice has thawed, the bitter taste slithers through my body like a snake preying on the demon of your love. Beaten down with the burden of what was, you wait with those angelic eyes opaqued by the serpent of my heart. Your crimson hands shake up the wall we've created in me...drip...the cold venom sends you down. You're fatigued...deteriorating from a battle you've already lost. The deed was done. The expense was paid. We're choking on the jade of our relationship and my primitive instinct is to discharge you...before the poison takes you under. | | |
| The enigma of my mind perpetuates my shattered
heart. For someone who has so much control over his future, I revel in
the weakness of my footing. I'm a man of my history. Preserved and
erratic. Tranquil and animalistic. I'm an outward burst of a concealed
man, and it seems like no matter how hard I work at reaching beyond
what I know, my life follows a cycle of emotional retribution.
Sometimes I feel so lost...and I need to. I need to know there's
more to find than what I have. I need to know there's more to lose
than what's at stake. I need to break down every now and then. I don't
want to be a man of internal self sufficiancy. I want to be weak with
flooded strength and strong with emotional liquid. I don't want to know
myself so well because if I did, I'd have less to fight for.
JUMP: The
collision of comfort and reality. We grasp within our hands
a unique opportunity to piece together a new frame of
mind....and watch that potential slide right through our
fingertips. Suddenly, a foreign piece of matter is broken down
into a color we are familiar with, a scent we can tie it to, the touch
of what seems like something else...We break things down to keep our
feet on the ground, but why? Why not just let it be new, foreign
and enlightening? Imagine a world where we didn't have to label, where
we found a natural way to understand...a new take on an accepted
stigma...In the blur of our boldness and the broadening
of our minds we can paint the word in a way that
didn't have to be explained to be understood. Rather than indulge the
fear of falling out of your comfort zone, jump. Break your world
through the eyes of another, take the optimum pieces, and go break them
again. You were going to fall anyways.
STEP: Experience
is a doorway, not a destination. You can cultivate your internal resume
by travelling around the world and still know nothing about
it. Quantitive steps don't pull your mind forward.
It's the lens we choose to view those steps through that
revolutionize our outlook. In a world abundant with options, our own
personal luxury sometimes handicaps us from the simplicity of
appreciation. Walk with purpose and the world will run to you.
..I'd rather be judged for the things that I'm not than remembered for more than I am..
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