I am not really sure how this post is going to come together. I have a heavy heart today. One that is heavy with pure joy in the Lord and one that is weighed down by other's sufferings .
Last night as I fed Abram and I dinner, nursed Samuel, and tidied up (Matthew had night classes), I witnessed our neighbors across the street having a fight. They each were yelling profanities at one another while their first grade daughter sat in the middle of it all.
My first reaction to their constant noise is always an annoyed spirit.
"Why can't they just get along."
"Why can't can't they keep it down, don't they know that everyone else doesn't want to listen to it?"
Of course it doesn't take long for my heart to break. I break over that young girl who is the unfortunate victim of their sin. I break because these two creatures, made by God and for Him, do not have Him. I break over how much they need Him.
This went on for hours.
Long after Matthew was home.
Our little ones where snug in bed and I was glued to the window in the darkness. Watching and listening in fear for what could come of such a blowout. Every now and then I would whisper to Matthew,
"I think he hit her...it sounded like it."
"They are coming outside now...where is she going?"
"What should we do?"
One time I even had to disturb Matthew to announce,
"he just walked out the door with a gun (a hunting riffle)."
Sad.
The sin that overtakes us without our Savior.
I heard many of their yelling matches, and though we live in a neighborhood of close housing, it isn't that close, they were just that loud.
I heard arguments about burning food, lost cigarettes and the such.
Garbage. What a waste.
I heard him demanding she leave, and in tears her saying she had nowhere to go. I saw pushing and sobs. I could feel their emptiness.
Before going to bed, the last thing I heard was the husband telling the wife that he would be gone tomorrow. That after their daughter had gone to school and she had left for work--he would leave. The "comfort" he left her was that she would never have to see him again.
What do you do when you witness such things?
Some of you may be thinking "why didn't you call the authorities?"
Well, I did. I prayed to the one authority over all. I prayed that He would make them see their great need for Him. I prayed that this precious child caught in the middle might now that she is loved more than she knows by her Father and that He is all she needs in a world bogged down by sin. I prayed that if there be a way for us to be a light to them that God would show me when and how. I prayed that I would not miss my chance to show them Jesus. I prayed for protection over that family.
As I snuggled up next to my husband, I thanked the Lord that because of Him, that wasn't us. He makes us love, forgive, and challenge each day with joy.
Without my Savior, that could of been me.
Today, I have looked across the street from time to time. Waiting to see if his car is still there. It is. And I am sure that he won't be going anywhere. I am glad that I gave this terrible ordeal to the Lord, for Him to take care of. Too many times we step in and fix things how we see fit but that isn't always how God deals with people. The police wouldn't have changed anything.
These are people that need the Lord. I pray that they will fall face down and cry out to Jesus.
Today.
For those of you thinking, "where does she live", I live in a normal neighborhood--just like yours. This is what life is all around us. It is just not always so openly displayed.
I woke up this morning with lots to do in a short time. I had a morning appointment which always makes for a hectic start to the day. After we were all ready, I packed us into the van and turned on Spirit FM. I heard the news of the Chapman family and their loss. My heart sank.
This led to a days worth of reflecting. Reflecting on the night and the hardship that is all around us. The constant battles that we face. I thought about the difference between my neighbor's battle and that of the Chapman's. Steven and his family will get through this with Jesus but my neighbors are fighting a battle alone.
How awful.
That is not how God intended it. He wants us! He wants to wipe our tears and bandage our wounds--if only we will let Him.
As I went about my day, I thought about all the people we have come to know since living here. I was without Abram for the morning as I left him with a friend (I had a postpartum check up). Samuel and I had a good chat with the Doctor that I have come to love. I have seen her for almost a year now and both the boys have her. This is the first Doctor that I have seen routinely since being in the military. I thought about how sad it will be to have to say good bye to her.
Next we went to the post office. I have come to know the two post masters a little. I know their personalities and can predict each one before the act. I like that.
Next was our routine, weekly stop at the bank. This happens to be a favorite of Abram's and this week he had to miss out. I love that the ladies asked "where is Abram?" as soon as we entered the doors. He is a favorite of their's as well. The one teller couldn't let me leave without a tootsie to bring home for Abram.
I love that Wanda came out from the back to look at Samuel. I love that she asked why we weren't at church. I loved that she missed us. I love that she hoped this cold would get better and that we would all be back this week.
I loved hearing, "have a good day, Rochelle" when I left. I love that they know my little family.
I picked up Abram from our friend's house after the bank. They are an older couple who love him! They have one daughter and she has never married. They long for grandchildren and Abram has become just that. I am so glad that God has given us the chance to be family to them. To let their house be filled with two year old giggles and chicken nuggets. To have the cry of a baby.
I see the joy it brings them and I think, wow, I can't believe I am here for this purpose. That You have given me the joy of bringing others joy.
But when I drove home I thought. The tellers that I see every week could be "them", my neighbors. I could be that only ray of sunshine in their week. We might be their only chance to see some of Him. I have often pondered about going through the outside line and just doing business that way so I wouldn't be troubled with getting both kids out of the car.
But it is seeing how much they love watching Abram dance and sing and eat his tootsie every week that makes me go inside. It is how they love to talk with him and watch him stand on his square and be patient. It is how they see him obeying and being happy that makes me go inside. And it is knowing that it might be me, little old me, and my two boys that allow these ladies to see Jesus.
I am broken today. I am humbled so much by the fact the God uses me, a terrible sinner to show others His majesty and grace.
Do you know how great a God we serve? He is awesome in every way. We cannot begin to understand Him or his greatness but I love how He allows me to get just a taste of it.
What a sweet taste!
I know this is a mumbled up page of thoughts, emotions, and stories. But it all connects.
It is all God. God living and working among us. Sometimes it is as simple as accepting a tootsie roll with a big grin that only a two year old can give. Other times it is far more demanding. But I pray that I might be the vessel that God wants me to be.
I pray that when we make this move to NY I will quickly visit the bank and befriend our new "ladies". I pray that I will always smile cheerfully at the checkout counter. I pray that I will allow my children to become grandchildren to as many needy "old folks" there are. I pray that I will always look out for my neighbor--even if it means just watching and praying. I pray that I will be obedient to God's word and train my children so that they too can be a light. It is amazing how God has allowed them to be used just because we have been diligent in training them. (I don't think bank ladies would look forward to him so much if he were a disobedient boy).
I pray that each of you will somehow unscramble my heart's thoughts and know that HE IS USING YOU! Don't grumble at the work each day hands you- grab it and use it to glorify Him! (This is a lesson to me--believe me!)
I came home from this day and had to discipline Abram numerous times while Samuel was screaming. It was my own little battle that I thankfully surrendered it to Him.
The battle belongs to Him.
Life is certainly full of battles and even wars but we are not in the fight alone.
Seek Him and I promise -- you will not be disappointed.
"Your ways O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeem your people." Psalms 77: 13-15
**edit** I thought I should get back on and make a note that our neighbor's situation is obviously a serious one. We felt that God just wanted us to be in prayer for them last night. We were waiting for God to direct our actions. We did not want to jump to conclusions and cause more of a problem than needed. After all, we may be there only link to who they really need and we did not want to ruin what little friendship we have with them (it is very little). Today after Matthew returned from work he said, "I think I might go over and talk with Q (that is his nickname) and make sure everything is alright." He contniued with, "I've been thinking about it and maybe I should have went over and talked with him last night. I'm afraid that if something bad were to have happened it may have been too late." I am glad that God has used this to force us into reflecting. We both thought about it today and both want God's will. I pray that if Matthew feels led to talk directly with him about it that the love of Jesus will shine through him and that they will see it as an act of love and not that of a pesky neighbor just sticking their nose in.
True
Chatboard (6)