MsAmyHK's Xanga

One Year Back

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 20:37:22 GMT

Well, I can hardly believe it, but as of today I have been back from Shenzhen for 1 year! And what a year it has been! A year ago right now I was back in Chicago, picking up the pieces of my life, and heading down the road to recovery! Here are some of the key things that have happened in this year gone by.

* A Week of Tears, Hugs & Long Conversations~ The 5 days I spent in Chicago when I first got back from Shenzhen were exactly what I needed! My dear friend Jenn Lange picked me up from the airport & it was an absolutely perfect Fall night! I spent the rest of the week with friends in Chicago...verbally processing what was going on in my life with people who loved me! I got lots & lots of hugs...and after 5 days long, tearful talks & all the hugs I could handle...I was starting to laugh again!

* A Couple Months at Home in Good Ol' H-town~ Sometimes you just need to be home! I spent the month of November breaking out of the insomniac months that had preceded, resting, processing, allowing God to heal a broken heart & realizing that I was going to be okay! I went to Chicago at the beginning of December & decided I was going to move back! I reconciled my relationship with Dan to a talking point again & that began a slow healing process. A Minnesota Christmas with the Stenberg side of the family was just what the doctor ordered! What a blessing it was to finally start to feel like myself again!

* Back to Chicago~ God worked it out for me to move back to Chicago at the very end of December! I could NOT have been any happier to be back! I felt like I was finally back where I was supposed to be...and God blessed that by clearly showing me His hand in how all of the details for me to move to Chicago worked out with basically NO game plan!

* A Relationship Reconciled~ On February 9th, after hours upon hours upon hours of discussion, questioning & planning, Dan and I got back together! What a blessed day that was! =) There was still a lot to be worked out, but we both knew where we were going!

* A Family Reunion~ At the beginning of July we celebrated Stanley Fest '07 and it was really great to see everyone again & catch up on all the news! It's incredible what happens in a year!

*A Trip Out East~ I was so lucky to be able to take a trip out to Philadelphia to see my best friend Candy for the first time in over a year! We spent 5 WONDERFUL days together and shared those invaluable moments of chats over coffee, snuggling while watching a movie & doing crossword puzzles! Then I got to spend a week with Dan & his family in Harleysville before having to return to Chicago! It was SO much fun to get to spend that week there...just enjoying Dan after not seeing him all summer & also getting to know his family better! Dan & I also celebrated our second 6th month anniversary while I was there....thanks goodness we didn't break up this time! (For those who don't know...when Dan & I broke up...it happened on our 6th month anniversary...so fun...you wouldn't even believe...haha)

* A Proposal~ On September 7th, 2007 Dan proposed to me at the perfect spot with the perfect ring! Needless to say...we're getting married June 28th, 2008! (For more info & pictures see the previous post)

And here I am...October 31st, 2007...One year back! I could NOT be happier! God is good & He has blessed me beyond measure! It has been the most incredible year of my life, but I'm sure the year to come has countless unknown adventures in store as well! Anyway...all of that to say...Praise God...I'm back & better than ever! =)

Getting Married

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:21:08 GMT

So...as of September 7th, 2007 I am an engaged woman! And as of June 28th, 2008 I will be married to Daniel Nathan Boal, the love of my life!

I could NOT be more excited! And I could not be more pleased with the man that God sent me...he's incredible and I am the luckiest girl in the world to have snagged him. Just thought I'd share! =)

Here's a picture of us down by the lake right after he proposed! And here's a picture of the absolutely PERFECT Tiffany & Co. engagement ring he got for me! I love it!

Happy!

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 15:12:37 GMT

I'm so very happy! Yes...yes I am! =) And that's all I have to say about that!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!! =)

Life's a trip...

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 14:19:40 GMT

Well...it never ceases to amaze me how quickly I forgot that I have no real control over what happens in life. I remind myself of this information over and over again, but still it always seems to surprise me when my life takes an unexpected turn (which it's been doing a LOT of in the last 6 months or so)!

Here I am...back in Chicago! I really could not be happier...and that makes it actually difficult to recall how incredibly LOW I was during the months before. I guess the weirdest thing of all, is the fact that I alway get bits of information and try to think about where that's going to take me in the future. I constantly plan for my life expecting it to go a certain way. But like clockwork, God always sticks His hands in there and shows me how small my imagination is and what a different plan He has for me! I really do love it! It amazes me!

I love looking back at how I thought my life should be at various junctures and comparing it to how it really was! I love that even though I could not come up with a plan for where I'd be right now...God so clearly has me right in the palm of His hand! I love learning more and more about Him each day! I love the way He restores relationships I thought were far beyond repair! I love the way God works out the details in my life...down to the smallest thing! I love the devine appointments in my life...like Netty Martin!

Wow! God is good! And I wouldn't be happy having anyone but Him behind the wheel on this crazy journey!!

Bloody Sunsets??

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 17:23:16 GMT

I know I haven't updated this in AGES....but yeah...here it is!

A journal entry from 2.21.06: The making of the film Blood Diamonds has reminded me of how differently I remember Sierra Leone…

…On Thursday a friend & I watched Lion King & if he wouldn’t have been there I would have sobbed like a baby! I still felt foolish because I cried a lot even with him there. But I would have cried so much more if I had been alone! I wanted to just close my eyes & cry & cry forever! My <3 is just so sad. I have no idea why it is hitting me so hard these days. I have these random flashbacks of Kabala (my boarding school in Sa Lone) & I just don’t know how to handle them. It is so vivid & yet all so very far away in my mind!

I remember standing on the back porch behind my dormitory & looking off the hill top at dusk. The sky is a cotton candy blend of orange & pink with heavy purple clouds rolling in on the horizon. The air is hot & muggy, but tolerable with the promise of a stormy night! The top of Split Peak glows as the last of the sunlight glides across its rocky surface & slowly disappears. The old bong-bong trees begin to catch the wind, swaying sleepily in the yard. Grandma Carol quickens her pace as she finishes her evening walk around “the circle.” Soon the boys will come in from playing soccer, beckoned by the shower bell.

All seems right in the world.

The sky darkens as the ominous clouds roll closer. As they draw near the low rumble of thunder is met with distant flashes of lightening. It is going to be a great storm. The wind picks up & brings with it a slight chill that makes the trees begin to groan. Sarah joins me on the porch and makes some comment about the storm that is to come…but I’m not really listening. The scent of rising dust reaches my nose as the first heavy drops fall on the red dirt below the porch. The rain is heavy and slow at first, but soon it is upon us!

Our hot & sunburnt skin is kissed by the mist that reaches us even under the protection of the veranda. The dancing drops of rain on the tin roof above complete the symphony that is an African thunderstorm.

The lights pop on inside as we hear the generator kick on in the distance. Soon it will be time to sleep. Reluctantly I head inside & join everyone else who was driven in by the rain. The storm continues as I crawl into bed. The air in my room is still heavy with the heat of the day, but the breeze from the storm slides through the glass panes & blows the curtains around in a swirling mess of sun-faded blues & greens. I would love to open the window…but Sarah can’t sleep that way. The sound of the storm quickly lulls me to sleep…all is well!

That is just one of so many memories that haunt me. The figures in my memories are ghosts. I feel terrible for not remembering more. I love to remember & I hate to remember all at the same time! It is beautiful to remember, but it hurts. I think of how little is left that I can recall. I feel betrayal in my forgetfulness. Like I am forsaking a huge part of who I am by not remembering.

I long to stand on the beach at River #2 & run after the thousands of crabs...to make a baffa to shield us from the sun. I would love to stand in a tide-pool at the Haroon’s beach house & watch the dolphins that play right off the shore. To explore the abandoned beach houses littered with Star Beer bottles & scary quiet! But those places have now been used for massacres beyond what I dare to imagine. Is the joy still there? Do the dolphins still dance at sunset?

…But that is all so far away now. I would love to search through the pools of water left in the rocks at the Aqua Club at low tide…but I don’t even know if it is there any more! It hurts so badly to hear about what is going on over there. I want to go back and visit so badly…to get that closure I never got when we were evacuated. But I’m pretty sure the Sa Lone I remember doesn’t exist anymore…=(

Leaving Shenzhen....

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 06:45:50 GMT

Okay....Yes...I am leaving Shenzhen...and I mean on Monday. Yep...the 30th of October will be the last day I'm in SZ and the first day I'm back in Chicago in over 2 months! Wow...it's all so crazy!!!

There are SO MANY emotions involved in leaving Shenzhen. I feel a sense of failure of weakness of loss of confusion and my heart is absolutely crushed to pieces. But then I look at the good. I CANNOT wait to see people, I can't wait to be home, I can't wait to begin counseling and start dealing with all of my stuff, I can't wait to get hugs again, I can't wait to start new with absolutely nothing holding me back or distracting me, I can't wait to find healing for an aching heart, I can't wait to sit in front of my fireplace with my parents and just rest, I can't wait to take walks in the woods, I can't wait to spend Christmas in MN, I can't wait to spend possibly the last significant amount of time around my youngest bro, I simply can't wait to see what's next on this adventure.

Also on the positive side, before leaving Shenzhen, God has shown me how HE has been faithful to work through me even in my UTTERLY WEAK AND BROKEN state! I have been ASTOUNDED by the number of people who have shown true sorrow that I am leaving and who have shared ways that God's strength in my life has encouraged them. I'm ready to go, but I have learned a million things and I'm sure I'm going to keep on discovering new things that He taught me long after I'm back home. God is good in all things and all situations! That is SO crystal clear to me!

I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what I'm going back to. Seeing people in Chicago will be really fun at first! I cannot wait to see them...really really!! Those people are ALL so dear to me...but then I have to move on. I have to go home for a season of renewal, rest, recovery and restoration. I hope to return to Chicago soon, but nothing EVER goes as expected! So we'll see.

I'm not focusing on finding God's great and complete purpose for my life any more. I'm done allowing myself to make decisions due to guilt and pressure from outside sources and my own skewed expectations. I'm going to look for a job that I like, in a place that I like, surrounded by people that I like...and I'm going to serve God faithfully there. Whatever that looks like!

Going home leads to SO many questions and blanks. It forces me to deal with a heartbreak that before I was able to keep at a distance and a whole lot of issues that were brought to the surface here in SZ! But at the end of it all...it is well with my soul. Painful...ABSOLUTELY! But oh so good...because I know He is making me better and that He will lead me and be with me and NEVER let me go!

I'm leaving SZ...who knows what is coming up next!?!?!? Let the adventure begin!

Yes...It's official...

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 08:13:46 GMT

Well, the truth is out...the real deal is…(despite my fun-sounding updates from SZ) I am having a really tough time in SZ and I am really not doing very well. At first I wanted to hide that from everyone because I didn't want to be seen as a failure here...but I (with the help of others) have realized that that is deceptive and unhealthy! So here's the run down.

#1). Our program over here is INSANE and completely unorganized. It has not been a healthy working situation. Frank is a great man and he has wonderful intentions...but he's really difficult to work for/with. BUT I had a really good talk with him today and we're really working on restoring our relationship and the other relationships on the team to a healthy place. So praise God for that!! We're also going to help him, to the best of our ability, to get his program together to a place where it can really have a firm foundation to build on…mainly by offering suggestions. So please pray for patience and understanding for all of us...oh do we ever need it!!

#2). Personally, I have been going through some major struggles emotionally and spiritually (and even somewhat physically). There has been a lot going on in my heart and life and all of that on top of the fact that I have a strained relationship with my boss, an extremely stressful job, and about a million miles between me and my nearest friend...has brought me to a point of great confusion and even depression. I haven't slept much at all since I've been here...so that has only escalated everything.

#3). The good news is...God is good and He really has been getting me through. I have great friends (even though they may be very far away) and they have been a great source of encouragement and have shared with me much love & wisdom. I am getting help while I'm here. Yes…I am getting counseling from a woman who has been working here for the last 15 years...and already it has helped a LOT! She is really helping me to process a lot of things here and has been a shoulder to cry on.

So things are looking up. Right now...I'm still down a lot and things are not happy in general. In fact, every day is really hard...BUT I'm learning a lot in this and I'm growing. Ahhh...wouldn't it be wonderful if living the Christian life meant everything would be happy all the time? Unfortunately we have to go through that danged fire and wait for the dross to burn away…at least we can trust in the One who will keep us from being devoured by the flames…=)

#4.) And now we have come to the big final statement. Yes friends, I am leaving in February. I have thought about this a lot, prayed about this a lot, talked about this a lot, cried about this a lot...and now I am very comfortable and confident in the fact that I am leaving SZ. It's funny...but this fact gives me a lot more strength and joy for today. I have already talked to Frank about it and he supports my decision to leave at that point (it's a break in all of the programs here in China). I'm looking forward to making it through the next 4 months...one day at a time. I'm looking to really really make the best of the next 4 months...but I'm also really going to be ready to go in February...haha =) So also pray for me as I really strive to live every day I have here to His glory!

Okay...well, if you have any questions...please feel free to send them my way. I'd be happy to answer them. And to end on a happy note and to show you that I am having SOME good times...feel free to check out a bunch of the pictures from my trip so far by going to these links. You don't need to be signed up for anything to view the pictures...just click on the links and enjoy!

My 24^th Birthday Party:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006206&id=163800366&l=d4502

Our Fall Holiday Adventure:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006051&id=163800366&l=aa44b

Our trip to Window of the World:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005286&id=163800366&l=a63be

Pictures Around My Apartment in SZ:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005480&id=163800366&l=6c9a9

Random other Pictures in SZ, Hong Kong, and at the beach:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005737&id=163800366&l=05539

Thanks to ALL of you who have been praying for me, supporting me, advising me, encouraging me, challenging me and simply writing to me! I am so thankful to have each of you in my life! So now you know... =)

Laying it all out there~

Amy Jo =)

Amy's Hymn of the Day~10/14

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 07:41:10 GMT

Nothing can succeed without a foundation that does not move! Not Frank's English program in China...haha, not a big tall building, and certainly not our lives. I LOVE this hymn! No matter what we go through and no matter what trials/fires we face...our foundation is the key!! This hymn is SO packed full of His promises...and those are as firm and reliable as they come!!

How Firm A Foundation ~ Robert Keene (maybe) 1787

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say Than to you He hath said,
To you who for refuge To Jesus have fled?

Fear not; I am with thee. O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, I will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, Omnipotent hand.

When through fiery trials Thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, Shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus Hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

Amen & Amen!!

All we are asked to do is accept these (haha...easier said than done, eh?)!~

Friday, October 13, 2006

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 11:57:06 GMT

Since I've been here in China I have been reading through a book of hymns I brought in order to find encouragment during the tough/dark times. This is the one that I have read several times since I've been here and that I found particularly helpful today. Verse 3 is my favorite!

~ O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go ~

O love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee.
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow,
May richer, fuller be.

O light that follow’st all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to Thee.
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in Thy sunshine’s blaze its day,
May brighter, fairer be.

O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee.
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from Thee.
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red,
Life that shall endless be.

George Matheson ~ 1882

“Make every occasion a great occasion. You can never tell when somebody may be taking your measure for a larger place.”

Amen & Amen

Blessings in Philipino Packages... =)

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 08:42:04 GMT

Today was very simple...but good. I didn't sleep well last night...but that's becoming normal...but it was my day off...so I was able to have a lazy morning. At about noon I went over to Emily's house for lunch. Darya & Billy ended up coming over for the lunch part...so that was fun. We made chicken tacos and they were tastey! Emily is so cute...her husband usually makes the tacos and so she kept saying she didn't know how to do it...but when we were done helping her she was like "that's it? it's so simple!" Yes...it is simple.

After lunch Darya & Billy went home so Emily and I just sat and chatted for awhile...she's really so sweet...see for yourself...I've attached a picture of her and her cute lil' pregnant self!!! =) Anyway...her husband came home after a little while and what did we do? We played Scrabble!! It was so chill and so fun. And of course Emily whooped us both...and she's the one NOT from America...ahh humility! =) Well I'm going to go take a nap now...I need sleep SOME time! =) Be blessed!