it really actually IS five minutes to midnight, right now.

but anyway i should be sleeping or at least using this time to study,but no, i can't. there's too much to think and about and shit. SFP's last day is tomorrow. meanwhile we're still in fucking school and will be having school on MONDAY. fuckasses.

god. i really can't wait until school is over. its been a year of semi-hell. thank god he'll be leaving. and the current juniors will also soon be leaving. i dont know why i feel or think this way or even want them to be leaving. i'll probably regret wanting them to be gone once they're gone. but oh well. we all want what we can't have. i just find it so irritating and sad how he doesnt talk to me anymore. im pretty sure im over him, but still. i still want a friendship or close bond. but no. can't wait until the summer. time to just get away from all this shit and just relax. and breathe.

the main reason im even still awake right now, is because im waiting for him to IM me and talk.  but yeah. why do i even think about him? do i even want to have a "thing" with him? i think im weird and once i get someone to like me, i no longer want them.  its so annoying and always ruins my relationships with people, espcially guys.  they think im some player person and shit.UGH. i realy don't want to be known as that.  sometimes i think about what would happen if we went out. its kind of weird.i kind of just want to hook up with someone, instead. serious things just arent fit for me. lol.

YAY. free house, soon. but the damn regents. so ill be spending my time studying and shit. i hate townsend harris.  i hate the lack of male members. and if there is a cute guy he has 56 million slutbag whores near him. where are normal people these days?

and HI CLARE. if you;re even reading this. haha. we had a great sophomore year, together. (in my opinion) hahaa. especially health. i cannot believe christie is leaving! ;(  and ralph is leaving. very soon. remember how we talked about "omfg. why cant he just graduate already?" well, now its here. idk if its really what i want anymore. i mean it;ll be weird. like im missing  al ittle thing. do you feel that way? im scared. of life. and of the future. whats going to happen to all of us. oh god.

why do i think of random shit and scare myself?

i need a fucking therapist.

i love glitter.

and the color pink. delicious.

LOL. anyway, yeah. i'm deciding to write another entry but idk what about. hmm....OH! on friday night i went to battle of the bands at francis lewis. teehee. i had a good night.  its been a long time since i've laughed that much,and enjoyed myself, et cetera.  i saw shirlane and victoria and Mo and matthew kim and nazia and some others. and then on stage i saw aleena's tall asian nieghbor whom i used to think was like..CUTE. haha. i remember seeing him walk home his girlfriend a few blocks away from my house. haha. his name is Sean Ho but embarassingly he did not remember me. heh.  afterwards me vivian yena jason and wilson went to eat at arby's! janice was absent. ;( i was semi-disappointed. i had a milkshake and cookies and mozzarella sticks. i hardly ate any of each. what a wasteeee. then i got home and got screamed at for like ever. it was great. roflll.

so this guy apparantly LIKES me. and i thought maybe it was just this weekend since we started talking more and things.  but even my friends think he has liked me for awhile. ;X sigh. idontknow know though. i've been contemplating.  hahaha. BIG word.! this guy is being annoying. and generalizing everything: "you girls go through bf's like drug addicts and their needles" PSH. now thats an exmaple of an stupid idiot.

i know i've always talked about wanting a long relartionship and shit.  but im not sure if i said that cause it seemed everyone else wanted one too, or because i really meant it. i'm starting to feel that i just want short flings and stuff. nothnig serious.  hmph. its funny how my mind has changed. lol. i think im weird.  thank god i havent seen *** for a while now.  what a relief. 

OMG. and sam was at btob on friday night too. lol, but whatever.  hmph. Will started talking to me again, like yesterday.  i thought he hated me for ignoring his stuff. but apparantly not! thank god. haha. ew, fucknig english test tomorrow! bitchass.

ergh. not much to say for now. maybe later when i think up some useless shit.

TIFFchen.

school is going to be over!