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Muirrean
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Name: Liz
Birthday: 8/22/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: History mainly; art, writing and acting, and most anything to do with ships and the sea.
Expertise: Writing, American Kenpo...
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/9/2003
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| Because that inscrutable urge to "start afresh" has come upon me, my Xanga is now Tamsyn_Caunter. I will probably shut this one down after I save everything that needs saving. Feel free to drop by my new thingy and tell me how much the layout stinks. | | |
| Every day I find more that I have more bad habits... eating between meals... nicking candy from the cupboards... getting on the Plaza and Xanga when I should be doing school... putting my school and chores off ("I have time, I can take a break right now")... not paying attention in class because I'm bored... swearing (less than I used to)... not exercising... going to bed too late every night...
So many bad habits that I need to break. How am I ever going to get rid of them all? how the #$*&^ did I pick them up in the first place? I used to be studious and disciplined.
And they say that habits you make when you're young will stay with you, and all that junk about making good habits while you're young. I've had the habit of getting online illegally since I was thirteen...
I'm always tired, always hungry, out of shape, unfocused, uncontrolled and completely not together. And I always have more work, because I always put it off...
How am I going to discipline myself if I am not even motivated to exist?
I made a stupid face and maybe it froze that way.
Everything seems pointless. Exactly the way it's been seeming for the past four months. Somewhere in an obscure neural path of my brain there is a sentence reading, "Life has meaning", but I'm beginning to forget why I put it there in the first place. It's getting harder to hold on to. | | |
| I think I did a decent job on the exam. | | |
| Um... pray for me?
I have a Bio exam tonight. I would like to get a good score. I'm not sure how much of the stuff I know, but that's not the point. The point is that a good, healthy feeling of anxiety and nervous tension completely fails to be present in my mind. I am a numbed puddle of inert serenity. In other words, I'm hopeless. *g* But, I'm working on that...
Bottom line is that prayers would be definitely appreciated. ^_^ | | |
| The problem with me is that I get depressed and post really stupid and melodramatic blog entries like the below. Then, when I've recovered myself, I look at them and wonder what in the blue blazes I was up to. But, you see, as a matter of pride, I can't take them down, because that would be admitting that I was embarrassed by them. So I'm stuck being a embarrassment to myself every time I get depressed.
Then I write entries like this and realize that I've embarrassed myself so much and so frequently since reaching the age of reason that it has ceased to give me more than a faint twinge of irritation.
That's probably a good thing.  | | |
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