MusicalTheatreGirl's Xanga

im having a boy!!!

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:17:36 GMT

Well i had my ultrasound and yes!!! im having a vivacious little boy!!! he opened and closed his little mouth when she first hooked it up. that was amazing!! then he started sucking his little toes and he moved his arms, it was soo amazing!! i can't even tell you how excited matthew and i were when we saw him moving around, we saw his heartbeating and heard it at the same time!! :) that was so cool!!! we also saw his brain and spinal cord and bladder and everything...it was amazing!!! :)

lucilu.

my pregnancy is half over already...wow its gone fast!!!!

Fri, 25 May 2007 17:45:02 GMT

well im on week 20, almost week 21. we go on June 6th for the sonogram to see if we have a boy or girl, but im pretty sure its gunna be a boy...ive been calling the baby a boy for a while so i hope im not wrong. Well anyway, i am pretty excited and so is everyone else...everyone wants to know so they can buy stuff and make baby blankets and stuff. Man, being pregnant can really be hard work sometimes. Heres the pros and cons of my pregnancy:

Cons:

1. the morning sickness is finally over but it sucked the first three months, it was like having the flu constantly!! no fun!!!

2. heartburn!!!! i never had heartburn before but if i eat really spicy food or if i lay down too soon after eating....OMG the PAIN!!!! it sucks!!!!

3. the pain: believe it or not, not just the labor is going to be painful, i have a lot of discomfort and pain in my belly from my baby growing so big.

4. there is hardly a comfortable way to lay or sleep... its no fun at all!!!!

5. the taste of toothpaste makes me sick so brushing my teeth sucks.

6. hormones make me crazy. sometimes i get so mad for no reason and nothing can make me feel calm. sometimes i feel really sad and i just cry and cry for no real reason at all. i get irrititated at the littlest things but they make me so mad, like if the house is messy at all it drives me crazy and i get raving pissed when matt wont help me clean and i want it all done NOW. its really bad sometimes

7. my belly is getting so big and its hard to bend over, man it hurts!!!!

Pros:

1. i get to eat as much as i want. i still love to eat healthy and i exercise but i eat almost all day long. and noone says anything bad, they encourage me to eat.

2. people make a big fuss over me because im pregnant and are soooooooo nice to me. no one wants to make me mad. everyone is so helpful and nice

3. i felt the baby move and it felt soooooo cool. that was the best thing ever so far!!!!!

4. i have got some really really cute maternity clothes...as a matter of fact, matts momma just came home and gave me a really cute dress.

5. i love wearing dresses now because pants are so hot and uncomfortable. plus since im pregnant i just like to dress up to feel pretty and i get complimented.

6. We have already started getting the babies things and i love them all so much....they are soooooooo cute!!! im excited because when i see them i know my little peanut will be in them soon!!!!!!

7. I talk to and sing to my baby. I love knowing the baby can hear me and knows that i am the mommy.

hey!

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 22:57:26 GMT

HEY!

I MISS EVERYONE AND I AM COMING TO PROD NEXT FRIDAY!!!

ALSO, IM 8 WEEKS PREGNANT TODAY AND IT IS MY FIANCES BIRTHDAY!!

ALSO, I HAVE DECIDED TO GET SOME SONGS TOGETHER AND RECORD A DEMO...

I was in my vocal room at my grandmas house, its a room that is in the loft of our barn, i have all my songs and things up there. I just wanted to get away from everything so i went up and sang for a while...and i felt complete and happy and i know that there isn't any way around it, i love to sing, i can't live without it and i am going to record a demo and see how far i can get... i'm also still auditioning for AMDA next year, if i am accepted, im going, if not, i will try to do some smaller things. Im thinking of auditioning for summer stock next summer in wichita. i don't know yet...i just know that this is what i have to do with my life.

Thats my Rant for now.

Lucilu.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 13:13:53 GMT

happy valentines day everyone!!!!!

i hope everyone is having a terrific valentines day.

i have a BIG SURPRISE to tell everyone....

i am pregnant. that is correct. lucilu is going to have a baby in 8 months! im 3 weeks pregnant!!!!!!!! exciting huh?

Well enjoy your V-day!

HUGS,

LUCILU.

Feb. 6. 07

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 13:10:13 GMT

"Untitled"

Here i sit inside my room

wondering what comes next

what steps must i take

what path suits me best

I have a long road ahead

with lots of options to consider

what if i don't make it

will that make me bitter

I only know to follow my heart

where ever it may lead

I have all these passions

but now where to proceed

So many questions

burn within my soul

one path leads to stardom

but how big is the toll

i promised myself i'd never give up

that no one would take this away

and i shall keep that promise

i will see auditioning day

though the path to get there

is not marked or left clear

i know i must be confident

and never show my fear

Therefore, as i sit here

pondering upon this plot

I can't help but smile

For my art means a lot

and through all the failures

upon which i may fall

i will pick myself up

not worrying at all

i will find my future

the path that i must take

i will make it happily

i will get my break

lifes crazy

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:31:45 GMT

And that was the last time i was going to put up with it. What? Matthew drinking and saying things he doesn't mean. This time i didn't act like i wanted him back, but you know what? after he got off the phone and was laying there trying to sleep without me, he changed his mind. He decided his friendship with Phillip, the guy who wanted us to break up, was much less important to him then i was. And he has been treating me really well ever since. He decided that almost losing me, for real, was not something he wanted. I had to be sure i could believe him though, so i told him he had to choose, phil, or me. And he did, he doesn't associate with him anymore and he even stopped smoking to make me happy, weed and cigarettes. He won't drink unless im there and he won't take pills, he knows if he does, im gone and i think thats a good thing, it makes us stronger i think because he finally stopped taking me for granted when he realized he'd lose me if he didn't. I'm not letting my guard up completely yet, but we'll see what happens. I don't think i'm stupid for this, i think i love him and as stupid as it may sound, i believe in fate, maybe he's the one, so i'll stay for now to make sure. He's been being pretty amazing though.

On another note, he got bobbe, nick, and i jobs at amazon. Ill be working 60 hrs a week but ill be makin hella cash. Im ready for school to be out... i need a fucking break from it. I really do.

Lucilu.

well, im single.

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 11:58:32 GMT

i havent posted much, i just have been depressed and stressed out.but i no longer have that problem because my boyfriend, Matthew, broke up with me last night. but you know what? thats okay. at first it kinda hurt because for one, earlier that day he said he'd be home that night, but then he didn't come home, or call or text me, and turned his phone off to avoid me. he does this usually when he's getting fucked up. definition: taking pills, drinking, smoking, or all of the above. I finally got a hold of him and he told me "Luci I don't love you anymore, i wanna break up" that kinda hurt, but i wanted a fucking reason and he told me he has to get his shit together, well his so called friends aren't going to help him. i think it bothered me, not so much that he broke up with me, but that i know where his life is going and i don't want it to go there because i've seen a lot of good in him he doesn't show his friends, the side that does care what happens to him and that does love me, and want a life away from the drugs. and he's throwing away a chance for that, to ruin his life some more. I thought i could help him, but i can't, and i have done a lot of self sacraficing for him to try and keep him on the right track. But you know, im better off without him, its not the other way around unfortunately, but he'll realize it one day when he is sober enough to think straight. and he'll know that he fucked up and left the person who was there to help him. I just think i needed to date him for 2 reasons: 1) because i needed an escape from Kord, not to say he isn't a sweet guy, but he wasn't right for me and i needed to realize that. 2) because i needed i think to be treated badly for a little while, not because i deserve it, but because it made me realize that my priorities have been fucked up and that next time, i won't take care of the guy, he has to take care of me, and treat me like a freakin princess, or else, im not going to be with him. cause you know what? i fricken am one and i will accept nothing less than to be treated like one. I feel a lot better now, free. its awesome. sorry for the rant but i needed to let that out.

Later,

Lucilu.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 18:04:07 GMT

my life is going pretty amazingly right about now. I have a amazingly fun and way cool roomate (bobbe, you know i am talking about u!) and her perfect little boy (and thats you Caelan!)to live with. My boyfriend is awesome. He can make me feel so calm and relaxed, im not used to that yet but i like it! I know there is no such thing as the perfect guy, but he's gotta be close. I am having so much fun in showchoir and the play. I love singing and dancing and acting. I'm doing ballet. It's pretty awesome, i feel like i am doing something important for my body when i do ballet, and that makes me feel good. Hurricane has a shot at Iowa still. Life is just easy right now. It feels great.

lucilu

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 13:56:34 GMT

I know, i haven't posted in awhile. life has been crazy but way fun living with bobbe. She is like the coolest roomate ever! We have so many crazy times. Last night she screamed and grabbed Caelan out of his walker chair and i was like what the hell? i thought someone was breaking in or something and she was like "Luci, kill it" and so i saw this big spider and i was a little freaked out but i smashed it. It was so creepy, i didn't want to pick up my foot cause i was afraid it would still be alive, ick! That was crazy! Now we are all freaked out because there could be others in our house! neways my life is BUSY. i have performances for Iphegenia the next three nights, everyone needs to see the show its got a very powerful message behind it. Then Christmas Carol and Last 5 Years auditions, gotta finish my full length cause we are reading it next week in prod, showchoir, im soo busy and its GREAT. I LOVE IT! I am auditioning for AMDA in march and im nervous about that, cause if i get in i am moving to NYC. I know i'll miss kansas if i go, but i gotta chase my dream, if i don't, then im telling myself no and not giving myself a chance. i very well may not make it, but i can say, i tried and i had fun doing it. Neway, i gotta go for now but i hope everyone enjoys the play. its gunna be awesome!

lucilu

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 13:48:04 GMT

Wow. life is crazy! it leads down paths that you never think it will. For those who don't know a few days ago i had a problem. I loved Kord but at the same time i was falling in love with someone else. I prayed i would be able to make the right decision and i think i have. The whole time i was with kord, i was having doubts. I tryed to be happy and put those thoughts to the back of my mind. I was so comfortable with where i was at, that i didn't realize that while i loved him, i really wasn't in love with him anymore. So i am in a new relationship and i feel relieved, the doubt is gone. I went and got my things this morning, and Kord called me a tramp. I was at the realization that he really isn't what i need. He would look at other girls and flirt with them, that hurt a lot. He hurt me many times and i would write him long letters and read them and to him and talk and talk and talk and he said things would change but they haven't and i can't be with him anymore. Everything i was wanting him to change never changed, it never got better, everytime i tried to look forward at our wedding in the back of my mind i was thinking, but that day is never going to come. I couldn't figure out why i doubted, why i got so depressed so much. Now i know. I am currently dating Matthew Dunham, he is sweet and smart and makes me feel like i am important and beautiful. i haven't been so happy in a very long time. i tried to act happy with kord, but i know i don't have to worry now. I feel relieved. I feel free. I feel amazing. And i am in love with MATTHEW DUNHAM! I AM HAPPY!!!!!