hey so i kno no one goes on this thing anymore and its been over two years since ive written i think. which is pretty hard to believe. since no one is really going to read this i am just going to make an update since the last time i wrote. well, i just graduated from spring-ford and my senior year was one of the best years i have ever had. i met two great new friends who i love so much, ally and phil. but all my old friends are still just as amazing. Kimmi moved away last summer to Wisconsin because Chapel closed down and Mr. Raught needed a new job. Bri and Drew are not together anymore..there arent nearly as close as they used to be. in fact, they barely talk. Bri is dating this guy named Justin now, but we all call him Lutty. he is a really sweet kid and im growing to like him alot. They have been dating for nearly a year now, and he treats her really good. im so glad she is happy, it makes me happy. but honestly, i loved when her and drew were dating because i had a better connection with both of them at that time. bri called me more just to talk to me and to talk about drew, and drew called me almost every other night. me and bri see eachother all the time now so we dont need to call eachother anymore, but drew, well, he hasnt tried to call me since they broke up. i think when their relationship ended, so did the core of our friendship. but me and bri, well we are pretty much inseparable now that it is summer.for a while in the beginning of the year, i lost her to her new friends and boyfriend, and it was really hard to deal with that. but now she is just the same old bri and i love her so much. i dont know what im going to do in college without her next year. i am going to messiah, rooming with Britney. and she is going to Temple rooming with janelle from boyertown. i think we are both excited in different ways about college, but deep down weve been planning all our lives to go together and now, i am just trying to hide how devastated i am knowing im not going to be with her. dont get me wrong, i love britney to death and i cant wait to room with her,we are going to grow so close and make so many memories. but bri is my bri  and i dont know what im going to do without her.she is my best friend......well i told you that i lost her for a little while in the beginning of the year, but God placed two amazzing people in my life i guess to temporarily try to fill her void...they never replaced her but they were definitely not temporary either. :] Ally and Phil have grown to become two of my best friends. and i do not know how i have gone 17 years without them in my life. they seriously make me complete. i dont even know how to describe them other than incredible. i do eveyrthing with them. we take road trips to random places, watch movies every weekend, go out to dinner, do our new years resolutions. i could go on and on. i love them so much, and i guess the reason why i am so completly attached to them is because i know that they care about me just as much as i care about them. they have been there for me on my worst of days and they have been able to make me laugh. i used to get so upset b/c the friends i loved most seemed to hardly care about me in return. but they need me just like i need them and they make know it. i dont know, its good to be needed. and i love them both so much. ....so that was a change that i really enjoyed. :]

i lost some friends this year...some that i cared about alot. but i know that i am better off without them.like el and tara. im not going to go into detail, but i realized this year that people can decieve you so easily. its like they put on a disguise the whole time. i was sad at first and then angry...i am still angry but i am trying my best to get over that. high school is over and i dont feel like dealing with the dumb drama that is left over.even tho i dont really care about them anymore, there is one person i have been thinking about more lately that i am starting to miss. and that is erin. i was reading through all her comments to me on this thing and i realized that we were really close. but i dunno, she hurt me really bad in certain ways, but i know i hurt her too..unintenionally, but it still happened. and i am really sorry that i did that because i never wanted to hurt her. she was a good friend, and i am sad that i lost her...maybe one day we can go back to the way it was.

so, there is  another major change that i have failed to say yet...well a couple months after bri and drew broke up, so did me and eric. our break up didnt go as smoothly as theirs did tho. sometimes i think its because i was more in love with eric than bri ever was with drew.but i dont know...it doesnt make it any easier. our break up was official and everyone knew it. my family, my friends, my youth group, my church...everyone. that was difficult because i could feel the stares of people when i walked in on wednesday nights and i wasnt sitting with him. it hurt, it did, but not nearly as much as seeing him every week,still caring about him more than ever, knowing that the hug i would get after would only be out of courtesy and even though i waited for it every night, he never called. my friends said i deserved better, so did he. that was his reason i guess...well i never really got a reason, but that was the best he could give. and maybe i just imagined it, but it still seemed like he had feelings for me even after we broke up..which made it even harder. i was trying to move on, but i was so used to having him with me, that going through each day without his voice was almost impossible. I thought the worst was over until the spring came, and he got a new girlfriend, Laura. I cannot even explain the emotion i felt when i saw his "in a relationship" on his web page. my heart dropped...but not in a good way, you kno the way they say it does in movies? i dont even remember how long i stared at my screen and cried, i just cried. after that, seeing him was extremely rare, and even when he did see me, he tried his best to pretend i wasnt there. i think that was actually the time my heart really broke. he didnt even enjoy the time he spent with me, it was like i was a hassle to be there or soemthing, but he enjoyed seeing everybody else. i remember drew and steve askign me why he hated me so much, i tried my best to hold back the tears when i said "i dont kno things change i guess." but later that summer they eventually broke up because she went to college. and in the beginning of this year he told me something i will never forget. he told me that he was sorry he didnt hang out with us that much over the summer and he realizeed that we were his true friends and he was going to spend his senior year with us. the only reason i remember that is because it never happened. he was trying to go the year without a girlfriend, but everyone that knows eric, knew that wasnt going to last long, and it didnt. a couple days after i gave him the calender that took me three weeks to make, he asked this girl Maggie out...and has been with her ever since. if someones heart can break twice, then mine did. i went three whole months without hearing anything from him. no text, no im, no phone call, i hardly heard his name. those three months were so hard, but i told myself that the only way i would talk to him is if he proved to me he wanted to talk to me...and he did. he sent me a text the day before march 1..a time when i was perfectly okay without him. i was moving on and i was happy. but at around 12:00 a.m. he told me that he missed me and wanted to talk to me. and if there was one thing i hate about that boy its that he has this unconditional power over me that never goes away. after that i started to need him just as bad again...but i tried to contain myself as much as i could. I have written over 30 letters to him that he has never read, i have cried over him more nights than i could ever want to count. i still wake up every mornign and think of him, and i still go to sleep doing the same. there will always be  part of my heart that he will always have. i dont think he really knows how much power he really has over me, i dont want him to know though. i am so much better than i was a year ago, im much better than i was a month ago. but each day is hard without him, and if i could have one wish, it wouldnt be that he would want me back, just that he would need me as a friend like i need him. i miss him everyday. maybe one day i will be able to live without him in my mind...but i know that ill never be able to go without him in my heart. i have learned to accept this fact, always and forever.

so, a quick update on my friends :]

Kimmi- she is going to a community college in wisconsin in the fall but is planning on moving whereever steve is staitoned in couple years. i know that we will always be close because she is a friend i cannot afford to lose. i love her to death, and i know that although the distance between us has changed, our friendship never will.

Bri-going to Temple like i said, but we have a plan to go to Palm Beach in a few years then live in houses that are connected to eachtoher so we can baby sit eachothers' babies and still be best friends like we are now. o, and we want to get our lips tattooed. ill let you know how that goes :]

Brit- me and her are rooming together in college! that is it so far. haha but she wants to major in art so i know she will be really successful and happy with her career and with the man that deserves her and loves her like he should.

Christine- she is going to college in Colorado..i know, far away! but she is just amazing and i know that she will accomplish so much for God and for herself out there. she is the biggest inspiration to me as a person, and i hope to always stay connected to her. she doesnt know what she wants to do yet, but im sure she will be great. i think one day there will be a statue, or park dedicated to her.

Ally- well, she is going to be senior this year! my little ally, all grown up. she is going to be hanging out with phil and visiting me at college a lot too :] eventually she will be so successful as a therapist and make millions of dollars while having a happy marriage with philip. lets just wait on the kids dear :] she will be in my wedding, i can already guarantee that.

Phil- he is going to work with Joe in Norristown for the year as a landlord. he is supposedly going to make a lot of money, which is good because i know he will pay for my dinners when i come home, even though he doesnt have to. :] he is going to be a great husband and a great father. i wish more guys were like him. he has strength and he isnt afraid of what people think about him. i admire him alot. i hope that whatever he chooses to do in life, it will make him truly happy.

Steven- well, in a couple months he is going to be recruited to the marines and going to boot camp. i cant really say what his future holds, but i  know kimmi will be somewhere in it. i hope to stay in contact with him b/c he is my really close friend and knowing that he isnt in my life isnt really possible.

Drew- he is also going to the marines with Steve. i know their friendship will grow, i just hope Drew learns to mature and grow spiritually. i hope he comes back the man i always thought he could be. he has such potential that it frustrates me to see him waste it. he could do great things, and i pray everyday that he will have the will to achieve them.

Eric-he is going to Geneva college in the fall. he doesnt know anybody there and i think maybe that scares him a little. but he shouldnt be scared at all. i think out of all my friends, he can make friends the easiest. he has a charm that most guys would kill for. all the girls would love him, but he better stay faithful to his girl, i know he will. he also has amazing potential...i think someday he will mature enough to fulfill it. it would break my heart even more to lose contact with this boy...so i really hope that never happens. he will do great things with his life. any girl truly be lucky to have him. He is going to grow into a man of honor and love. i know it...i would punch him if he was anything less. i'll always love him.

Me- well, i am going to Messiah in the fall and i am soo excited about it. i plan to major in Psychology but that could very well change to something in english. no matter what i end up doing, i want to be in a job that helps people, you know changes their life. I want to be an impact..even if it is on just one person, that is my biggest dream. I want to serve my God and have a family that serves him. I want an unbelievable husband that all the other girls are jealous of. I want him to be trustworthy and loving, patient, sincere,godly, honest, funny, and hardworking. Good hands couldnt hurt either :] i want to grow into a woman who is strong and independent. someone who can think for herself but also listens to the opinions of others. i want to be kind when i am tempted to be mad. i want to be intelligent and perseverent. i guess i just want to be my mom in most ways.  i hope to have a family and have an amazing life. i want to grow into a person that never loses sight of her family or friends, and especially my God. i want to make a difference. i guess thats not too much to ask.

*so, alot has changed, but in most ways alot of it has stayed the same. i am still best friends with the people who have always been there for me. i am still more shy than i want to be. i daydream a lot...maybe too much. me and bri still have times when we laugh so hard we cant breathe. Christine still asks questions tha tmake us even more confused. steve and drew are still best friends..and live together, steve and kimmi are still going strong even 1000 miles apart, my mom is still amazing and my dad is still annoying but awesome :], and there is still one boy who kinda has my heart. and through all the fights, all the break-ups, all the years and all the miles, we are still the same group of people who have one church, on school and one God in common. and no college or boot camp can ever change that. our memories will always be there. going to the mall and movies on friday nights, bowling on the weekends, parties at my house, our first kiss, our first love...everything. our friendship will always be there. we all been through a lot of things, more than a group of teenagers should be i guess...school closing, different schools, death, moving, parents leaving, sex and all its regret, regret in general, break-ups and hard goodbyes,divorce, losing friends, and being separated. we have all experienced so much, but we have all experiened it together. we have grown stronger as a group because of everything we've been through. i can not imagine my life without any of these people. they made my life, they made me. My past and present contain them, but i can assure you my future will to. here's to the  memories and laughter. here's to us, guys. i love you.*

 thought it was cute....and its for u<3

Leann<3

ok so since im really bored, ive been writing 3 days in a row..not much has been happening..except im really stressed w/ all this stuff. from what to do this week w/ my friends and whose youth group im going to....to this summer w/ all these things getting planned...its really hectic but once its all figured out ill be fine. thats BASICALY what the sad face was about yesterday.....so i dunno..well havea  good week everyone, i probably wont be writing for a while cuz the rest of my week is filled. but have a good spring break and Easter! luv u all

Leann<3