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Saturday, May 10, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Learning to Breathe
    By Switchfoot
    Love is the Movement
    see related

    Survey

     

    Age: 14.
    Height?: 5'2"
    What weight do you want to weigh?: 105
    What eating disorder do you have?: anorexia.
    How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?: sometimes none, sometimes up to 400.
    Do you throw up your food on occasion?: sometimes.
    Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?: somewhat.
    Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?: dance, soccer 
    Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?: yes.
    Have you ever fasted? If so, for how long?: I've tried. Doesn't always work. Longest? 48 hours.
    Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?: nope.
    Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses?: yes.
    Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?: no.
    Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?: no.
    Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?: yes.

    Body Image Q's

    Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?: all the time.
    What part of your body would you change?: my stomach, my face, my theighs, my arms, everything. 
    On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?: 1.
    Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?: no.
    Because of your body apperance/weight, have you become severely depressed?: yes.
    Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?: yes.

    Health/Food

    Do you think you eat healthy enough?: no.
    Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?: no.
    Fat grams?: no.
    calories?: no.
    Are you often tired/fatigued?: yes.
    Do you feel more energised after eating food?: i feel guilty, disgusted and gross.
    Do you eat meat?: rarely.
    Do you eat your food in a certain way? not really.
    Do people tell you you look sick or famished?: no.
    Have you ever thrown up blood?: yes.
    Is your heart bpm above 49?: way above.
    Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?: yes.

    Other Stuff

    Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?: no.
    What's your opinion of Pro-Ana?: all for it.
    Do you have any other mental disorders? yes.
    What's your favourite food to eat?: yogurt.
    Favourite drink?: water.
    Do you often wish you didn't have an ED?: no.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Crisis
    By Alexisonfire
    see related

              Since it didn't work too well before,
    I have decided to have a proper diet,
    instead of just not eating every day,
    and an excersize routine.
    Now,
    I will not consume more than 400 calories PER DAY.
    I will do over 400 situps, I'm really good at them :)

    I really need to do this,
    I need to prove to myself that I
    can be beautiful too!

    But right now, I'm really sick.
    I went to this meeting thing at Christopher Lake,
    and there was a girl that was sick,
    but I didn't pay attention and I used her lip chap
    and drank out of her cup and stuff,
    So here I am, I have mono and Strep throat,
    hurts pretty bad!

    But I'll be okay, as soon as I get better...
    Thinspo:

    stay strong girls<3

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

  • Currently Listening
    Regeneration
    By Superchick
    Courage
    see related

    I fucking hate everything right now.
    I could care less if I died.
    I just cut myself, I'm so depressed.
    I'm crying so much, and I don't want to be ugly and fat anymore.
    I want to prove to myself that I can do something,
    be somebody,
    be beautiful.

    but it's so hard, everyday is harder for me,
    I just can't do anything right ever.
    I fucking hate my life more than I ever have.
    I really don't care what you all think of this blog,
    I'm just trying to get this out of me.
    I need something...
    but I don't know what.

    I'm going to lose weight and I don't give a fuck how hard i gotta work.

    I hate my lifeeee..

Monday, March 10, 2008

Sunday, March 09, 2008

  • im fat

    so looks like a gotta start over
    I caved in,and I gained a bunch of weight back.
    I regret it, I'm sorry, I screw everything up
    Well this time I won't.
    This time I will lose the weight

    and fucking keep it off.

     

    somebody please help me.
    I want to lose this fast.