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| | Let's See If I Can Keep This UpAlright, I'm going to try to keep posting. I've got a lazy Sunday afternoon, I'm not tired enough to nap, but I don't feel like doing anything... so maybe I'll post. There's a few things I want to post about, so this will wander and we'll see where it goes. At some point I'll want to go back through the past few weekends, but that will be a long post and I don't feel like doing it now.
I will say that this past weekend, I played frisbee and my knee gave out on me (again). I'm so sick of this injury. I'm so sick of the guy who dove at my ankles and took me out almost two years ago. I'm so sick of not being able to trust my legs when I run or jump. I'm so sick of having to hold back, not give all I have because I don't know if my knee will handle that dive or that jump. I'm so sick of giving all I have and having it put me on crutches. I'm so sick of the doctor who told me my knee was fine and who wouldn't advise an MRI for me last fall. I'm sick of it. I don't understand how people can say our bodies are "perfectly designed" when our knees (and so many other body parts) break so easily. I'm tired of it. I can't even remember anymore what it was like to be able to run normally, to be able to jump without thinking about my knee, to be able to actually fake someone out and make a hard cut to the disc without worrying that I'd end up on the ground in agony. Sometimes I think about just how different my life would have been without that one dive, that one day, that one second.
In other news.. a post I've put off for almost three months now. So sometime.. I think back in February.. (yeah I've been lax on the posting) I was up in Minnesota hanging out with some friends. And we played this game called "Would You Rather." If you don't know the game, it's exactly like it sounds like: you ask people questions starting with Would You Rather, such as "Would you rather have maggots in your ears, or worms between your toes?" There's different kinds of questions, from gross things to fun things to philosophical things. I've played it in many forms in the past, but this was an actual boardgame with pieces and tons of questions on cards and other stuff. We played one game, and then sat around and read the cards to each other.
One of the questions that came up was (and I don't remember the wording exactly, but hopefully I capture it well enough to maintain the meaning) "Would you rather be ignorant and happy, or know everything and be bitter?" Almost immediately, I knew my answer was the second one. Happiness based on a lie seems to me to be a far worse choice than knowing the truth. I was about to say so, when almost everyone in the room simultaneously agreed that they'd rather be blissfully ignorant. I was stunned... not only did some people think that, but every single one of them. And they were so certain of it that they all answered immediately.
I know that I tend to have a different personality than many people. I know that I'm more concerned with truth, with epistemology, with being accurate than the average person - even the average person in my group of friends (or even just those in my same social situation), who I think on the whole are more concerned with it than the average American. But I cannot conceive of thinking that it is better unequivocally to abstain from learning or knowing or being accurate in order to be happy. I have trouble understanding that point of view. But, as Yudkowski says, if you truly cannot understand someone's motivations for doing what they do, then there is a problem with your view of the world that needs to be corrected. So I spent a lot of time thinking about it.
My first thought is that they didn't really mean it. Perhaps they didn't really understand what they were committing to when they said that. I can almost guarantee that, had the question been slightly different but involved the same principles (such as "Would you rather a friend lie to you to make you happy, or be honest with you?") they would choose honesty, even if it made them unhappy. As far as I can tell it's exactly the same principles at play: knowing the truth and being unhappy, or being blissfully ignorant. I know that it's somewhat of a cultural meme to say that - "I'd rather you were honest with me even if it hurts my feelings." It's one of those things that happens in TV sitcoms all the time, and that seems to be where many people get their relationship/friendship cues from these days. But I really do think that in general, they'd rather know the truth. So then why the difference between the small scale (knowing the truth from one friend) to the large scale (knowing all truth)?
Maybe it's that they foresee themselves recovering from the unhappiness that a harsh but truthful criticism from a friend brings. Maybe they see it as only temporary, whereas the bitterness of knowing everything wouldn't ever go away - you can't un-know that.
And I guess when I think about it, I'm also breaking the rules of the game some. The game stipulates that you can't alter the terms of the question or try to get around them. For example, if one of the options was having tacks stuck in the bottom of your feet so it hurt when you walk, you couldn't choose that and then choose to be in a wheelchair the rest of your life - that's not the spirit of the question. But when I think about "knowing everything and being bitter" I think it's a loaded question. I think if you knew everything, you'd know exactly how to make yourself happy. And beyond that, I find it hard to imagine knowing something that would make it impossible to be happy. There's a lot of talk about how not believing in a deity is depressing, or that if we just cease to exist when we die then we should be nihilistic, but I manage to believe in neither a deity nor an afterlife and still live a fulfilling, happy life to the best of my ability. I've quoted this particular episode of this show so many times, but zefrank says:Gilbert says that your brain has the ability to synthesize happiness to
bring you back up to your baseline regardless of the circumstance that
you find yourself in. And the synthesized happiness is just as real as
happiness created by external circumstance! I can't see knowing the truth as ever being so depressing that you couldn't get yourself back up to your baseline happiness, no matter how depressing the truth might be. That could just be a failure of my imagination though.
Now, the one thing I can see, that would really make me choose the first option: if I knew everything, there would be nothing left to learn. Now, you could always choose the "happy and ignorant" option because then you'd have everything left to learn, but I think that too goes against the spirit of the question. But for me, one of the biggest thrills is learning something new, finding out new things. If you knew everything... that would be gone. There would be nothing left to learn. I could see that as being depressing. And it makes me wonder if the human race will ever reach a point like that - if there's some limit to what can be known or learned. It seems like a possibility if the singularity is ever reached, because not only will mental processing capabilities be increased massively (allowing the learning of far more things, as well as an increase in the speed at which we learn things), but subjective experience could end up much... slower? faster? I'm not sure what you'd call it, but people would experience what we know think of as one second as a much longer time frame due to faster thinking (which means even if our lives are the same length, it will feel like we live much longer and the average person will have far more experiences in a lifetime). I suppose that's a problem that will have to be dealt with in the future.
I guess it just struck me that the people I consider my friends would choose that. I've said it before, but for the most part I don't make friends with people who aren't intelligent, or don't care to think about things. It sounds mean, but it's not a conscious thing - I just enjoy people who think about things more than people who don't. So when all of these people answered that - almost immediately - it really caught me off-guard. Especially since to me, thinking/knowing/learning is one of the most important things in my life. Perhaps more than anything else. So important that I got a tattoo about it. I guess I just don't understand it - so I'm trying to refine my worldview.
| | | Posted 5/4/2008 5:35 PM - 17 comments
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