So this is just a short, semi-strange xanga entry. I dont understand people that show no interest before hand in anything. And then all of a sudden, I begin to show an interest is something or someone or an idea. And all of a sudden, people who had talked shit before about it find it absolutely intoxicating and decide to not only go out to take the part from me, the person from me or the party from me. But do it in every way possible. But bringing up the past. I cant, nor will I ever live it down. But lets be honest here, ha, funny. I am not the person I was. I have changed and I am a completely different person than a year ago and so on.
I talked with Lamby...Stephens and Korey are cool for now.
....I just dont understand how I can be happy one moment and see everyone else who makes me feel utter distain. I walked around today and noticed more than I should have. People trying to hard. Dreams, that I had the night before were coming true. I wished and hoped for something to be different today, and alas, nothing changed, it even got worse.
Diagnosis? I am through with the paper. Mardi Gras is over. Go to bed and have a fucking kick ass tomorrow. Done and freaking done.
How can I live my dreams or even start when everything has come apart.
I thought home was all I'd ever want
My attic all I'd ever need.
Now nothing feels the way it was before
And I don't know how to proceed.
I only know I'm meant for something more
I've got to know if I can be
Astonishing
There's a life
That I am meant to lead
A life like nothing I have known
I can feel it
And it's far from here
I've got to find it on my own
Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin.
A life of passion that pulls me from within,
A life that I am making to begin.
There must be somewhere I can be
Astonishing
Astonishing
I'll find my way
I'll find it far away
I'll find it in unexpected and unknown
I'll find my life in my own way
Today
Here I go
And there's no turning back
My great adventure has begun
I may be small
But I've got giant plans
To shine as greatly as the sun
I will blaze until I find my time and place
I will be fearless,
Surrendering modesty and grace
I will not disapear without a trace
I'll shout and start a riot
Be anything but quiet
Christopher Columbus
I'll be Astonishing
Astonishing
Astonishing
At Last
a little song to bring you all up to speed on my mind at the moment...
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down
| 
