NaTsUmi_the_KAT's Xanga

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 01:21:43 GMT

So i found out my mom and stepdad read this. mega lame. so now basically i retract anything i ever said about them. i just wish they would get why i write the things i write in here. seriously like. is it that bad that i express myself in my xanga. why is it that important for them to read everything i write to see if i wrote anything about them so they can bitch at me some more. and yes i was very mad when i heard that they read it. ya know its my own right to be able to speak freely in my own xanga. Dont get me wrong. i love my mother and stepdad. I love them dearly but what i say one here is what i feel at that moment if im pissed yea im gonna write about it. it doesnt mean i hate anybody or mean what i say half the time i write it because im pissed at the time. dont take that shit to heart.

anyways To more recent events:

I got a jobbie at subway lol. i work tomarrow. i need to wash my uniform. ya know a job is a job.

Ive almost beaten Zelda the ocarina of time masterquest in 3 days. hopefully i can beat it in 5. thats my goal. for my first time playing masterquest i havent done to bad. hehe. :D

Alex gets out in 12 days im so excitied!!!!!! i get to see him saturday too. so im beyond estatic. :D

So life has been pretty boring and non eventful. thus i am closing this.

end:

_trishy_

I LOVE ALEX

another mindless ramble

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:22:55 GMT

So yea. im at my aunts house still. ive been here since wednsday. so my mom called me this morning and completely bitched me out. was all like You need to get a job and when u get home u need to vaccum the entire house. im like k. whenever that will be. she didnt even want to come pick me up. let alone she prob doesnt even want me at home. but oh well fuck here. subway called me today. so hopefully i get that job and i can start saving. i really hope i get the job cuz i need one. ya know i just need something where i can start saving my money and get on my way ya know?. cuz right now im a sitting duck which really sucks but oh well.

aunt mary wanted me to go help her at the store today. i was just so tired. i wouldve been useless. i told her sara was coming to get me. well i mean she is but not till 3. oh well. w.e aunt mary isnt gonna be home till im long gone. neil went to help erin and dave move into grannys. thus i am here by myself. which isnt to bad. i mean hey im online listening to music and updating for once. i hate that i can never get online. its bs. OH and btw. My cell phone will be gone friday thus u will have to call my house phone. which really fuckin sucks cuz i am never home. anyways im done.

I love alex. and maybe even you a little bit.

wow the lights are flickering in this room like the beat of the music. fucking sweet.

-Trishyp00

dont you hate it

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:00:26 GMT

when you are in the the middle of writing a really long post. and someone shuts the computer down on u. bs.

it was getting good too.. so i guess i will try to recreate it but ya know. the second is never as good as the first. Bleh okay. so here goes nothing.

Well sara and lauren just stopped by for a hour. it was such a nice surprise. idk sara telling me here weekend made me sad. cuz i couldve been with them. :/..idk i feel like i passed my prime already. shes doing the things i was doing two years ago. its like damn ive hit the point of no return. >.< bills, jobs, dates, and money. time to grow up dont ya think.

i mean i shouldnt talk. i called out of work again today. i mean i am really sick so i guess its okay. idk though cuz i feel kinda guilty. i dont like calling out and now i hope it doesnt make me look bad. idk. i kinda wanna quit. i dont like it much. idk i guess i should just keep trying. im ready? there are things that could be a plus with this. maybe i should asked to be switched to part time.... i mean i will be starting driving school soon. idk. i miss alex. i wish like. our situation was different atm.

like if here were actually working and had a steady job right now and he was near me. i think this would all be alot easier. i feel so alone. i hate meeting new people. like i dont know if im ready to start making new friends and what not. like i dont really know who i am right now. sorta confused. im in such a werid spot right now. i used to have so many friends. and then they all kinda disappeared. it seems like because i move so much and ive lost contact then tried contacting again it just doesnt work. and ive done it again with whiteford to abderdeen. everyone i knew there ive lost. at first it was oh well keep in contact and still hang out. but now its like trishy who?. and now im at walmart meeting some new people. but im skeptic like when i move to towson is this all gonna be the same. ill meet people here and then lose them when i moved to towson. its crazy. i hate it.

i wish people would just open their mouths. say hey trish do u wanna hang out. we can go to a movie or shopping or clubbing or anywhere. except go to ur house and sit there. im ready to actually start going places and crashing afterwards. like come on. were so lazy. like the only way im gonna sit around someones house is when im drinking and there are more then 6 ppl there. like 10 or 12 is a good number. But 3 no fuck that then i feel like a damn third wheel. FUCK THIS. im done.

all i know is that i want some friends. no one whos gonna use me stab me in the back or talk shit. or is obnoxious. i tend to attract those kind of ppl. ew.

also i fuckin miss alex. and im ready to do this together.

I hate my job. its to big of a company.

how can i make money?

-trishy p00

I love alexness <3333

as of late

Thu, 22 May 2008 19:51:40 GMT

i am now employee at wal mart. Wooo! not. but oh well its a job. im full time thus i wont be around much anymore.lol. But thats okay. so i work tommarrow from 11:30- 8 and saturday i think 9:30- 6. sunday sara and i are going to visit alex. i cannot wait its been almost a month since i have seen him so im uber excitied. so i get to see him sunday AND monday too cuz the rehab is having a cookout. it shall be awesome. ^____^ i cant wait. two days of work to go and then i get to see my baby. two days in a row. i feel like i won the lottery. lawlz.

so yea shit hasnt really changed its been the same thing over and over.

but now added a job.

^__^ oh well at least im getting my shit together finally.

so yea. i think ill write more later tonight.

Love,
Trishy

wal martian

Tue, 20 May 2008 01:53:11 GMT

i got the job. now i must be going

love,

trishy

I LOVE ALEX

LANPHEAR

blah blah blah

Fri, 09 May 2008 02:02:30 GMT

fucking bored.

what to say?. uhh had a job interview at walmart. it went well. but uhh have to pass the piss test. cross ur fingers hope i get it. ^____^

but uhh yea granny asked me if i would go with her to the new house either next week or the week after to help her out. idk. :( i dont want her to move. but theres nothing i can do.

I cant go visit alex saturday if i get this job. and or even if i dont because i dont have a ride and i have no money to be like hey someone take me i need to go see him. like i feel like a horrible g/f but ya know.. i kinda do need to take care of somethings so we will be able to move in together in a year. i cant just keep doing the same things i have been doing. i dont have any money to my name. Not even enough money to buy fucking stamps so i can mail him letters. i feel like such a bum.

hope he understands.

he should be calling me tommarrow afternoon sometime. i cant wait to talk to him. i miss him more then ever. i feel bad cuz i cant go visit him. i wanna go see him. but i dont think there is any way i can. :(.

i fucking miss him more then anything.

I LOVE ALEX LANPHEAR!

anyways nothing else really to say except i miss alex. alot. alot alot.

Love,

Trishy

p.s. i love alex

fakes, liars, wannabes

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:36:59 GMT

I think i finally realize who i can really trust and who i can really be close with.

I think that most people are stuck up and fake. No one is truelly themselves and no one is true.

what is wrong with people now. i mean back in the day it was so easy to be like oh yeah im friends with this person and that person. Now its like okay. This person is completely out of their mind and doesnt know what they want. Dont lie to me. Dont pretend like you give a shit. If you dont wanna be my friend then dont. It wont hurt me in least bit. i know now who is my friend. And even if that is only one person. then so be it. i dont need anyone else. Life is the most puzzling thing ever. Seriously what are we meant to do? Fail then fail again? Its like we are just walking in one big circle. Im tired of people doing the same thing over and over. Oh yea were friends. Oh wait we havent talked in a while ur not my friend anymore. Fuck that.

Fuck people who arent who they really are and put on this stupid ass cover. Who cares how dumb you really are. who cares what ur like deep down. If thats who u r embrace it. Dont fucking sit there and pretend ur something ur not.

I am who i am and im not scared of that. Im a total fucking nerd. I like pokemon and i like zelda. i love video games that scare the shit outta me. i like roller coasters. and amusement parks. I love halloween. I love candy. but cant eat it cuz my teeth are fucked up. i get pimples from stress. i used to pick my nose. i cant do jumping jacks. I like guitar even though i cant play. Piano is the most beautiful instrument ever. I love goth music. it makes my soul feel good. I like industrial and techno. gets me pumped. I will always be a fan of the macorana. I admit i still like good charlotte. I hate sports. i think they are the biggest waste of time. I dont like smoking anymore. i quit. I smoke to many cigerettes. I like drinking in small porportions. I like swimming. i love food. and i love cooking. But i dont want to work in a resturant. i want a job i can have for a long time. i wouldnt mind working at walmart. I hate living in aberdeen. i hate death. i hate missing people i hate remembering the past. i hate that i live in the past. i hate that i cant move on with my life. i hate that i never have clouser. i hate that i cant stand to be alone but always am. I love movies. Chick flicks and disney. Horror movies and thrillers. I hate action movies. im a sucker for romance. i cry during movies. i cry when someone hurts me. i cry when someone yells at me. im sensitive. I hate being hurt. I like pudding. Im mad that alex is gone. im mad because drugs were more important then i was. Im mad because Everyone only thinks of themselves and im tired of being lied to. Im tired of people reminding me of what i failed at. Im tired of people reminding me of my hardships. and im tired of writing to no one. im an attention whore. I love my camera. my walls are my best friends. and i hate people. im fat. My head is ugly. ive been picked on my whole life and still am. i feel as if ppl talk about me all the time. i have anxiety. i used to cut myself. alot. ive been in shepard pratt twice. i hate cops. i hate the goverment and i hate our judiscial system. I think our courts are messed up. I miss justin hannah. i pissed my pants in the third grade. it still haunts me. I like it in the butt and i like sex.i dont like forplay. i like rubber bands. when i get nervous i twist them between two fingers. im engaged. and im happy. Even though hes gone atm im still happy. I miss my grandfather. I miss blk josh. i miss steve baker. i wish they would come back to me everyday. I miss my family. i wish my brother would move back home. i feel so lonely all the time. Ive been depressed badly since i moved. new places scare me. I wanna live on my own. i wanna get my lisence n my ged and be fruitful. but im scared. im scared to get a job.i love dancing i love writing. i love experimenting with my hair. i love pericings i love tattoos. I love hurting myself.

yea.

-trishy

p.s. i love alex.

what a grand day

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 22:51:51 GMT

today has been gloomy as shit.

ive been tired all day.

dont feel like moving & i dont feel like being online. i think i shall go play gamecube. write alex another letter smoke a cig and pass out.

Yesterday was good.

I got to visit alex. :D PICTURES cuz its been so long lol.

i gots a cool gaia OMG hat.

i got the shades so i will not get turned into a zombie :D

p.s. dont build Sheds in high winds.

Were down here!

I got no lips i got not tounge

hi there :D

scrunches

Ahhhhh

eh?

smooches

i shall eat u

us trying to be serious picture

sara about to go to sleep.

he doesnt know i have these. MWhahahahah i so freaking win. tee hee :D

Love,

trishy-p00

p.s. enjoi. More photos to come. xoxoxo

p.s.s. i love alex.

When zombies attack

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:27:34 GMT

So ive been sitting here for a little while looking through you tube and i landed on this.

fucking creepy.

I addition to seeing that i discovered some pretty handy survival tip videos.

http://www.expertvillage.com/video-series/4074_zombie-attack.htm

its better to be preparded. :D

Thus. Protect urself from those damn things.

dont get fucking bitten AND OR get teh bloodz in ur eyes. cuz i dont need any zombie friends.

Love,

Trishy-p00.

p.s. i get to see alex tommarrow

ONE WEEK!!!

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:43:36 GMT

ZOMG 1 WEEK TILL THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE AND MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE SHOW!

i am beyond excitied. so tommarrow i shall be getting a call from fashion bug to see if i got the job or not. i hope i did. :D i really need a job damnit. and uhhh what else stevie is coming over tommarrow night. I get to go visit alex this saturday. :D YAY finally. two weeks seemed so long. important news deseveres a new line.

Granny is moving in the next couple weeks. Wtf. im so angry. i know there is nothing i can do about it but why so sudden?. i hate it. i mean 1st of all this is just another book tossed on the pile. first she doesnt tell me about duke. Second she sells the truck. Third has been just getting rid of all the stuff in the house. WTF IS GOING ON?!?! seriously if she gets rid of anything that has to do with pop im gonna be really upset. i miss him so badly.

can i rewind 4 years?

plz. ill be nice i promise.

all the men in my life that i loved have either left or passed. am i cursed? whats wrong with me. well im done idk what else to say.

I miss alex. alot more now then ever.

Love you guys.

Trishy

xooxoox