Do you have any idea what it's like to go from being totally confused to being confident in how you feel and what you think to all the sudden only be ripped back into confusion all in one night? Yeah well it sucks. I don't know that it's really even confusion that I'm in right now. More like.... I'm sad but at the same time it's like this is the facts and you have to deal with it. Cause some things work and some don't. Somethings mesh and others........... well yeah. I don't even know how to explain what I mean by sad. More like maybe it'll never work and that makes me kinda sick. Okay so here's the facts. I met a guy. I absolutly adore him. And he likes me too. And it seems great. Then tonight we got into a discussion about doctrine. And he doesn't believe like me which is fine. But that causes so many problems and I wish it didn't. But it's like we disagree on one of the biggest controversey's in the church. So it's like a pretty big deal. I'm not trying to make it one but he's right I mean if we don't agree on that someone is going to have to compromise because you need to be in agreement to have a relationship. I'd like to just forget about it and look over it and not make a big deal out of it and us just live in peace about it but the fact is that we have to get to know each other and what we believe and you can't overlook something like that. I guess at one time I thought you could. I wish life was more simple,... and the decisions therein. He's just really a great guy,.... pretty much everything I wanted, except we disagree on how we believe and that's a big deal. He's the sweetest guy and he actually cares about if he hurts my feelings or what I think about things. And he's so cute when he smiles at me it makes me melt. I guess tho that romantic relationships can't be like friendships where you look past what the other person believes and accept them for who they are..... because you are in the relationship to maybe eventually one day get married and become one and have a family in which you have to agree in order to raise kids. Why am I over thinking this? Okay facts..... I like him..... A LOT...... what happened tonight didn't make me think any differently of him but I do believe it made him think differently of me. It doesn't bother me that he doesn't believe in speaking in tongues......... it bothers him that I do speak in tongues.  Wouldn't life be great if on all the big issues we all agreed? in some way or another. It doesn't change the fact that I'm crazy about him......... but it makes me kinda sick to think that I like him so much and we could end up.......... what am i tryin to say......... not trying to make it work. But I mean in the end it's all in God's hands and if it's meant to be it'll be. And if it's not then there should be peace in that knowing that God has control. I mean God has taken me this far and He's told me when I should and shouldn't do things. And all I have to do is put my trust in Him and I know He won't let me down. It's just so hard to give things completely to Him when you want to have control and you want to have a say ya know? But as much as rambling on about this and tryin to console myself should be putting me at ease I think it's just making me more sad. So I think I'm gonna move on.....

IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS LCPL WILLIAM BUBMBALOUGH WILL BE BACK IN THE STATES DRINKING HIS DANG BEER!!! I'm so thrilled. I was on the phone with Cory when he texted me saying he's about to hop a plan in under 7 hours on his way back to the states. I'm really relieved. I don't think I've ever worried so much about someone. So finally this hell is over and it'll be awhile before I have to brace down again for him to leave. I love how I can just say anything to him and him always have some lighthearted response. I mean like I was never afraid to tell him things about myself when we first met and I'm not like that now......... minus a couple times within the two years that I've known him that there were a few things I couldn't just flat out say to him no matter how badly I wanted to. Come to think of it I said them anyways.... see how far that got me? haha But in general now I say what I want and it's all gravy. And he agrees with me. If you go on vacation and have the chance to hook up with someone who's hot then do it. lol!

Anyways it's insanely early and I haven't slept and I'm not tired now... for some strange reason. I'm gonna get up and go drink some juice that momma bought yesterday and talk to her for a bit. Shockingly enough this is the first time in a long time that I've been honest and open and used this dang this for what I orginally meant it for. I suppose the last time I was serious and honest was......... november. probably. I don't know I never keep track of anything anymore.