In other words, can conversion be felt, noted on a physical level? Or is it only notice if you have had a miraculous healing?
In my hopscotch search for ways to serve God, I have gone to many different kinds of worship. Mostly in Christendom, some not. One thing that I will admit that attracted me to the Catholic Faith is not because of the way it treats women (believe me the feminist in me is working to encourage change in that direction, smile), or the dogma, or even the pretty windows, no matter how much I love looking at them. For me it was the way even we Lay people can be a part of both mentally, physically and of course spiritually in the service of worship. Being a part of the audiences was something I never did like doing. I desire greatly to be an active part of service. I had no need to be out in front serving, I was just as happy to be in the background. I just never like sitting on my duff singing songs and trying to lip read someone several feet away from me booming on about the greatness of our Lord. As you already guess, I am also not much on spectator sports, you would be correct.
Still, becoming Catholic has for me recently been a path of resistance. You must understand, dire words of warning have been told to me about the evils of the Catholic Church should I ever go to their services or accept their bread and wine. These warning endocrine in my mind from a very young age, kept me from embracing more of the faith than perhaps I could have. The ten days at camp however, help to change much of that by clear explanations of why, where, what and who all these various parts of the service and beliefs mean. Once these things became clear to me, my resistance started to fall and I instead of being 50% Catholic will say I am 98% Catholic. Curiously however, after I got home, I experience an actual physical conversion as well. How can I explain this?
Since I was very young, I do not remember my age, I was aware of God. I am sure this is because of my Mother, who taught me about God, Jesus and the goings to Sunday School etc. I also remember the deep yearning I had for the stars and how I wish I was home 'up there' instead of stuck here. "God, can't I just go home now? Do I have to stay here?" was something I used to ask God a lot when I was very young. As a results perhaps of such things, knowing the world around us is not only what we see, touch, taste, smell, and hear, but more. I imagine also has made me more willing to consider, other things. For example, I can often feel inspiration for a poem, creative idea, or story coming on. Same thing if I walk the A
Replica Chartres Labyrinths in prayer, and other little things. Recently I had a near car crash but was able to avoid it, thanks be to God. In thanks, I did the sign of the cross with the full consciousness of what I was doing and not the 'habit' of before. I felt a click, a honest shift in my mind when I did that. I knew where I was before and where I am now are not one and the same. I have experience such things when my medications for depression are changed as well, but no where on the deep level I do with God.
It was then I knew I had starting making the physical conversion to the catholic and Catholic faith, and not just a mental one. Spiritually I am sure I have been way ahead of my physical body, as God always did tug on my spirit. I just have a bad tendency to say. No I want to do this MY way. Then I realized, oh, right, my way is not working. Turn around and start to do it HIS way and well what do you know, it works. I do wish for my own stake I would not be so stubborn!
So, is physical conversion ever noticeable, I say yes. It comes about from doing the rituals, the taking of bread and the wine, and the willingness to suspend ones rationalizations for something beyond. Tough for a kid like me who likes things explain in clear A to Z manners. That where the Holy Spirit helps, by making that bridge to the unseen and trusting, you will not fall into the chasm.
Thanks for taking this journey with me,
nancy louise
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