P1ck1ng Pa55W0rds

*click...

Your password has expired, please enter a new password...

*tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *click.

Invalid password.  Your password has too few characters, please choose a password with at least 8 characters.  Please try again.

*tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *click.

Invalid password.  Your password may not be identical to any of the previous 12 passwords you have used.  Please try again.

*tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *tap... *click.

Invalid password.  Your password must contain at least 2 numbers or symbols, an uppercase letter, and be in iambic pentameter style.  Please try again.

*tap... *TAP... *tap... *TAP... *tap... *7@P... *7@p... *TAP... *tap... *TAP  *click

Invalid password.  You forgot to stand on your head and recite the preamble to the Constitution while drinking a Cherry Coke Zero through a straw.  Please try again.

*tap.. *BANG... *SLAM... *CRASH... *bloop?... *KILL... *KILL... *KILL... *weep... *click.

Invalid password.  Why don't you just give up and go back to pen and paper, because obviously you don't have what it takes to make it in the 21st century.  We have disabled your account and called your mommy to spoon feed you.  You might as well do something because you won't be able to call us to access your account until we open for business on Monday.

I think most of us can relate to the situation where you're on the sign-in page to a website you don't use very often and you just typed in, for the second time, a password that didn't take, and you're frantically trying to remember which of your 4 or 5 default passwords is the right one for this website before your third and final allowable attempt, after which you're locked out of the account.  It almost feels like you're choosing which color wire to cut on a time bomb before it blows (which never made sense to me... why would a bomb-maker want to make it easier to defuse his bomb by color-coding the wires?)

I think it is incredibly ironic that the main person that sign-in pages prevent from accessing accounts is most likely the account holder.  It's quite annoying to have to remember 27 different variations of the only real password you can actually recall to satisfy the password nazis.  I can't remember two 7-digit phone numbers that I call almost everyday, much less the sign-in password requirements of the online 401(k) account that I check maybe once a year.

And what's their solution?  If you forgot your password, they email it to you... or at least a link to click to reset your password... to which you now have to come up with a new password that is not the same as your old password.  Which begs the question... why don't they just let you use your email login and password to access all your accounts?  I mean, if some identity thief has your email address and password, they pretty much have access to all your passwords anyway, right?

In fact, I think that in the name of security, these things that websites do to try to make it more secure, they're actually making it less so.  What they don't take into account is the human element.  Yeah, if I were a computer that can generate random numbers at will and store them in ROM indefinitely, this works... but people don't have this capacity.  I know someone who has to remember so many different passwords that he just keeps a list of all of them in his wallet.  How secure is that?

At work I have to sign-in to an intranet website to fill out my time card... fill out my time card!... It used to be that your time card was written on a piece of paper you just left on the corner of your desk.  Why do I need my time card transactions to be so secure?  Not only this, but I have to change the password every couple months.  So what do I do?  I just use my old password and add numbers in sequence after it like oldpassword1... oldpassword2... oldpassword3... How secure is this?  Insanity.

I can imagine what will happen when biometrics become commonplace...

Invalid body part.  Please choose another body part that you haven't used in the last 12 months.

*squish...

Invalid body part.  Please put your pants back on.  I don't need to see that...

Shopping Around for Gas

It seems like there is a plethora of articles that start off with the phrase "with the price of gas these days..." so I will start mine with "It seems like there is a plethora..."

Everyone knows of that one gas station around their town that sells gas for a few cents cheaper than any other gas station in the vicinity.  And on the surface, it looks like it's worth it to even drive a few miles out of your way to get there for that "cheap" gas.  In general, I like this idea.  It's the free market system at work, and without the ability for customers to shop around, prices would escalate unchecked.  However, sometimes it is actually counter-productive.

I don't think most people realize that saving a penny on a gallon of gas isn't even worth driving a few extra blocks in most cases - especially with gas hovering around $4 a gallon.

Here comes the math... but, first, a few gross assumptions:

Average gas mileage of a car:  24 miles per gallon
Average capacity of gas tank:  16 gallons
Average cost of a gallon of regular:  $4.00

Now, there will be cars with larger gas tanks, but usually they get fewer miles to the gallon.  Or if the car gets more miles to the gallon, the gas tanks are smaller.  So I think these assumptions will work for most people.

This means that it costs around 17 cents per mile driven in gas costs alone.  So for every mile you drive out of your way, you'd better save at least 17 cents.  For a 16 gallon tank, that's about a penny per gallon, BUT since you have to come back from going out of your way, that actually becomes twice that, so you have to save at least 2 cents per gallon for every mile you have to go out of your way.  And this is only if your tank is bone dry when you get there.  If you're the type to fill up when your tank is 1/2 full, double it (1/4 full, 2.5 cents per gallon saved... etc.)

This means to save money in gas alone by going to that gas station on the edge of town that's 5 miles away.  It had better be at least 10-15 cents per gallon cheaper.

BUT... (and Sir Mix-a-lot would like this because it's a BIG but).

This is not even considering wear-and-tear on your car.  Starting next Tuesday, the newest standard mileage rate is about 59 cents per mile.

According to the IRS: The standard mileage rate for business is based on an annual study of the fixed and variable costs of operating an automobile

This means that including the depreciation of your car, maintenance costs, fuel costs, etc... it costs you about 59 cents per mile that you drive your car.

So considering the operation costs of your car, for every mile you go out of your way (with having to come back), you had better save at least 7-8 cents per gallon.  And again, this is with a bone-dry tank.

Now, if your tank isn't as large, or your mileage isn't as good, or you use mid-grade or premium gas, OR the price of gas somehow happens to go higher (*snicker), it's even less worth your while.

Believe me, I understand the psychological boost you get by thinking you're buying cheaper gas.  It seems we have so little control over prices that this is one little thing we could do to try to stem the tide of inflation.  So it's probably okay to go a block or two away for that gas that's 1-2 cents cheaper per gallon, but don't go crazy looking for the cheapest gas unless it's on your way somewhere.  In the long run, it's just not worth it.

One last word.  If you have a relatively short commute to work, you'd be a fool to buy a hybrid just to save money on gas.  In fact, with SUV's being discounted by thousands of dollars these days (because no one is buying them), if your goal is just to save money, and you want an SUV, right now would actually be the best time to buy one (especially used ones).  Do the math - it's much more reliable than emotion.

Didn't You Get My Email?

I hear this phrase more and more these days, and it's really beginning to annoy me.  It has become the replacement phrase to many things like...

"Our meeting time changed from next week to right NOW."

"I asked everyone in my address book what I should wear tomorrow, but only 43 people replied."

"I forwarded you something that I didn't completely read myself, but I figured you could read it and give me a summary."

"Happy Birthday!"

"I have some major news about my life that I want to tell everyone in the laziest, most impersonal way possible."

I think people assume that when they email something, even if you're nowhere near a computer, as soon as they hit "send" it instantaneously (and wirelessly) gets burned into the brain of the recipient, immediately taking priority over things like eating or sleeping or blogging. 

This is an actual conversation I had with someone last week...

Him: Hey, did you get my email?
Me:  Uh, no, when did you send it?
Him: About six hours ago...
Me:  You mean at 3AM when I was asleep? You know that you are the first human contact I have had this morning, right?
Him:  Yeah, you didn't reply, so I'm assuming you didn't get it.
Me:  No, sorry, checking email in the shower is a little tricky...

...meanwhile, after a few more minutes of clarification on the subject of my email checking habits, I still have no idea why he emailed me in the first place.

And the weird thing is, for a moment after they ask, I feel a small twinge of guilt... like I'm reverting back to the days of railroads and telegraphs by not being "plugged in" every second of the day.

I think email is quickly becoming one-way communication.  It's like walking into a crowded room, saying a few words into the air, and leaving, hoping someone is listening.

I'll be honest.  I don't even fully read but maybe 10% of the emails I receive.  Subconsciously, I think I use the following criteria on whether or not I choose to read a piece of email:

Sole recipient, name on the subject line:                  Read
Mass email, <10 CC'ed people:                             Scan briefly for my name, then maybe read
Mass email, > 50 CC'ed people:                            Trash... I mean, recycle bin  ...
Mass email, >100 CC'ed people:                           Reply with nasty virus
From Nigeria or Ivory Coast, 
 promising me millions if I send them $10k:             Immediately reply with checking account routing number.

But that brings up another annoying thing... replying all to a mass email with one word like "ok" as the response.  I mean, did everyone else need to see your acknowledgement that you're okay that we're going to order fried calimari for an appetizer instead of potato skins? 

I mean, I guess they're trying to make it seem more like two-way communication, but at least add a joke or limerick or something to make it worth my while to move my mouse, click it, wait for the screen to refresh, and throw it away.  Whenever I open an email that just has a one word reply to all, I feel cheated... like how you feel when someone gives you a trick piece of gum that tastes like jalepeno peppers.  You think it's stupid someone would do that, but you feel stupider for falling for it.

I wonder what they're thinking when they do this... maybe it's so that the sender of the mass email won't bother them by asking if they read their mass email - obviously if they sent a response, they did. 

Hey, that gives me an idea.  Maybe if I just reply to all my emails with "ok" without even reading them, I will never be asked if I read someone's email ever again...

p.s.  Yes, I realize that this entry will probably fill my comments section with the one-word comments of "ok"...

Yes, Please Call Your Doctor

Last night I was partially listening to a commercial while I was putting away something in the kitchen when it got my notice.  Normally, I don't pay too much attention when, at the end of any drug commercial, they rattle off the possible side effects that you might experience.  I've grown numb even to warnings like... "in rare cases conditions such as sudden DEATH may occur..."  I mean, if you're at the point where you're taking something and the consequence is possibly death, you have some real problems... but that's your prerogative.

But I heard something last night that caused me to rewind my DVR...

Lunesta helps you fall asleep quickly, so take it right before bed. Be sure you have at least eight hours to devote to sleep before becoming active...  (blah blah blah)

Until you know how you'll react to Lunesta, you should not drive or operate machinery. Do not take Lunesta with alcohol.  (this is to keep you from sleeping FOREVER)

Call your doctor right away if after taking Lunesta you walk, drive, eat or engage in other activities while asleep. In rare cases, severe allergic reactions can occur...

wait, Wait, WAIT... BACK UP THE TRUCK.  Did I hear that right?  Rewind...

Call your doctor right away if after taking Lunesta you walk, drive, eat or engage in other activities while asleep...

Yes, PLEASE call your doctor if, by taking Lunesta, you DRIVE while asleep... because if you eat while you sleep, you may gain a few pounds, but at least you're not including me in your problem... but if you're on the road in your PJs, asleep and driving, your problem quickly becomes mine as well.

I mean, remember the good old days when you only worried about that idiot who is drifting over into your lane because he's just talking on his cell phone?  Now you're telling me I have to watch for people actually getting in their cars, backing out of their driveway, and taking a trip all while catching some z's?

I can see it now... "officer, you can't give me a ticket for speeding because I couldn't see the speed limit sign... uh, because my eyes were closed"

And where would you actually be going?  Just driving around at 3AM looking for an all-night mattress store?  With the price of gas these days, this would also become an expensive habit... wait a minute.  I get it now... this is all a conspiracy.  The makers of Lunesta are teaming up with the oil cartels to increase the consumption of gas!  Someone needs to investigate this.

You know, if this is an actual risk, I'd probably ask someone to hide my car keys every day before bed and leave a note as to where they were left so that I could go to work in the morning.  Unless one of the other side effects is that you can read while asleep...

Happy Organizational Function and Administrative Operations Professionals Day

I think it's pretty rude of the calendar to snub secretaries.  The last Wednesday in April used to be reserved as Secretary's Day, but it got replaced by those glory hounds - Administrative Professionals.  Don't secretaries get enough grief?  I mean, with their bosses chasing them around their desks all the time... and having to write write shorthand on their steno pads... and doing the daily grind in the typing pools... getting their hands all inky from the carbon paper... Now they've lost their one day to get some much-deserved acclamation to those snobby Administrative Professionals.  Plus the name takes up more space in the little calendar square that I have, so I have less actual space to write my personal events.

Next thing you know those hardworking garbage men will be bullied around by those hoity toity Sanitation Engineers.  I mean just because your mommy and daddy were rich enough to pay for four years at an accredited Sanitation University so you can get your Engineering degree, it doesn't give you the right to thumb your nose at those who had to work hard, doing dirty jobs to make an honest living.

And the other day at the mall, I was looking for a cashier to help me, but the only people around were these Sales Assistants and when I complained I was referred to a Retail Representative.  Where have all the blue-collar- honest-day's-wages men and women gone?

So I decided to go to monster.com to look for any place that hires secretaries so that I might visit one to show appreciation for today.  In a 10 mile radius from my address, I only found one.  But I found 24 places that hire Administrative Assistants or Executive Administrators.

Well, Administrative Professionals, watch your backs because someday Organizational Function and Administrative Operations Professionals might try to take that day away from you... but I hope that doesn't happen - or I won't be able to fit anything in that square on my calendar next year...