life is worse than ever..not many reasons to go on in life... i am so low.. no point in time to look back and remember the good tymes..cuz there are none..im drowning in my own tears...salty rivers...flooding streams of blood...seeking nothing and no1!
O God!
The agony of betrayel of someone you loved unconditionally for so long..
for someone you confided in without the tiniest trace of doubt in your mind..
The refusal is so unbearable.I can hardly stand life anymore... im so depressed... it seems now that friends arent a big enough reason to stay around.
God, did he hurt me.. Why did he do it... I had such respect and trust in him.. I cant find the strength to forgive him.. i am to weak.
All I do is lay around and dream as if I were another person, in another place, without a doubt... a whole other person all together.
Im on the virge of suicide, my throat is closing up... now i lay frail..wondering ;
to live, to die, what are the odds?
im so unstable im past depression,
past uncertainty,
past mistrust,
past an emotional break down...and now
im just ready to make life...the past.
there is no helping me now, im on my own .
i am so unstable ill i crave is the stinging feeling of a blade stretched out across my wrists...following the almost invisible blue-green path of a vein..im ready to bleed out.........
ENTIRELY!
drowning my sorrows in tears is an attempt of the past.. shall i move on or stay here for the rest of my life?
I dont know..i have absolutely no clue at all.
all i know is i love him..in a father-like way...and i still do..even though we just had a fight.
he is my teacher, my confidant,my lifeline,and now...my,well,nothing.
nothing makes sense anymore.
I counted the slashes today...there is...brace your self...exactly 39 slashes..about 25-30 done in the past week..(that's just on my left arm)
its hard to lay there @ night and try to think that tommorrow...more shit will just happen...most of it will just get worse and worse..
the lies arent fading and neither is he..
but life is.
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In 1st per. I did horrible i prolly got a D- or a D+ Tha highest would be C-... that was math..my teacher is an old senile hag that needs to move on in life...by retiring. or quitting or just plain kill herself, she has nothing to live for anyways except torturing her fellow students who almost all hate her anyways!in 2nd period.. I did awesome I kno for a fact I got an A+ or A- Because I studied really hard and I really like that class and the teachers and he does my favoritist thing a teacher could ever do for a student...NEVER GIVE HOMEWORK!He is so awesome(Mr.Brill)Moving on, 3rd period, Reading I think I got like a B- or C+ at the very least possible.I like that class a lot because the teacher is only 29 and he is awesome plus he's a METALHEAD!!!
..that is so kool.Tomorrow I hope to do well..by the way I have other xanga's incase u didn't know...stop by leave comments cuz i dunno how to do the damn chatterbox thingay..Jenny Rice has to do it for me..pleez gurl...ill give yoo all info..The list below is all O'Callaghan Friends of mine(only the super super close ones)..And their xanga Names...emjoy:By the way it aint in a specific order dont get n.e. ideas JENNY!!
